The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week

No, "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week" is not the fact that Saddam was hanged. His hanging was a just and merciful measure for all the past, and possibly future victims of this most horrible person.

What is so Ridiculous is the liberal media which bemoans the execution of Saddam. Why do they grieve? I have no idea, nor will I ever. My only guess is that libs become upset at whatever good Bush achieves... no matter if it's a ban on partial birth abortion (which should've been a ban on ALL abortions), lower taxes (which created more benefits than a higher minimum wage or more health care combined), or the strengthening of America's anti-terror defenses.

If you oppose the invasion of Iraq on religious grounds, you need to become Catholic (the religion of reason.) Common sense gives a place for justified war and executions. Mass murderers always deserve the short end of the stick. Why? If not executed, the potential for future victims increases.

If you oppose the invasion of Iraq for political reasons (i.e. since I am liberal, I will disagree with whatever Bush does) think of the invasion in this sense.
Remember Al Capone? He was a dirty rotten thief who killed hundreds of people and broke thousands of laws. Everyone knew Al should be put in jail for his actions... but no hard evidence could connect him to the physical crimes committed. So, the only way to nail Al was through a technicality. He was found guilty of tax evasion. Boom, Al spent the rest of his life in jail. Back then, political correctness was unheard of. Everyone knew Al deserved his sentence, and no one complained.

Saddam's Iraq was invaded on a technicality; WMDs. A viable pretense for wiping out a genocidal maniac. He had 14 chances to prove there were no WMDs in Iraq (which new inside sources say Saddam moved the weapons to Syria before our invasion.) After 14 tries, the USMC had to prove Iraq was WMD free.

Using common sense, I still support the initial invasion of Iraq and the subsequent hanging of Saddam. Both were good events.

Funny how liberals invoke "humanity" and "compassion" as arguments against the invasion of Iraq and execution of Saddam, yet support the killing of innocent children in the name of "privacy."

Liberals must have "Uncommon Sense."

Vox Populi: Gem of the Year

Wow, what a year it’s been for the Vox Gems. We’ve seen this fledgling little column grow into an almost weekly staple here at BMBS. I’m sure there will be some debate, but for the Gem of the Year, I’ve gone through the weekly Gems winners, picked the best, and then responded to my original responses. I’ve spent a lot more time than I should have on this, but here is your Gem of the Year Court:

Third Runner-up:
"I called the Chatham non-emergency police number to report shootings on my block and was asked, 'What do you want us to do? There are shootings everywhere.'"
- If you called the non-emergency line to report a shooting, then this probably wasn’t the first shooting in your ’hood. It probably won’t be the last either. Stay inside or move.
* This is Third Runner-up material; nothing too special, but still funny.

Second Runner-up:
"We went to the Sand Gnats game and the heat in the stadium was unbearable. Why can't they purchase a few industrial fans with the proceeds from the ridiculously overpriced concessions?"
- Wow. You must be from the north. You’re in an outdoor stadium, in Savannah, IN AUGUST. If you don’t like hot weather, stay home. And overpriced concessions? It’s a minor league ball park you cheap bastard. Spend a couple extra bucks. Consider it a complaint tax, yankee.
* This is a classic from the first edition of the Vox Gems. Nothing goes against our values here at BMBS more than a displaced yankee complaining about Savannah. I hope this guy moved back to wherever he came from.

First Runner-up:
"Whenever you get in a real bind, just ask yourself: 'What would Oprah do?'"
- Oprah is never in a “real bind.” She’s one of the richest women in the world and she can buy her way out of anything. I hope she gets genital warts. That would be a real bind for Oprah.
* I just really don’t like Oprah. I still hope she gets genital warts.

And now, your Gem of the Year…

“Nobody don’t care nothing about Jody Chapin’s Hair. I don’t even watch the news.”

- Simply stunning. My grammar checker went nuts with this one. This came out on Tuesday and I immediately knew I had a winner. Just look at it. Read it again. With the blatant ignorance and poor grammar, this is not just any gem; this is a diamond. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the first nominee for Gem of the Year.
* The Gem of the Year was a one-horse race the moment I read this submission. I’d like to extend a personal and sincere thanks to this person. It is blatant, crass ignorance like this that keeps me up to my waist in Vox Gems fodder. Thank you, citizen, and congratulations; you've won the Gem of the Year.

Happy Friday, folks, and a Happy New Year.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

'Twas a Merry Christmas, indeed. Santa brought me my first pair of boat shoes since I was about eight years old. Behold, the Sperry Authentic Original boat shoe. It features the same 360 degree lacing and non-slip outsole that have made Sperry the Cadillac of nautical footwear. I went with the classic brown with a white sole like the one pictured above. I've worn them once and wondered how I've lived this long without them. I give 'em maybe three more wears until they start to stink.

An Addition to the Family.

Men's Largo 3-Eye
Caribbean cool with breathable fabrics, perfect for a man with ease and style.

After scrupulous shopping during the post Christmas sales, I finally found my 2007 replacement boat shoes. I've decided to go a little casual yet refined. Although these are a little nontraditional, you can't go wrong with a pair of suede Sperry.

Description:

• Corner Stitched "Euro-Comfort" Construction for Ultimate Comfort and Flexibility
• Combined with Vulcanized Construction for a Secure Bond Between Upper and Outsole
• Padded Tongue and Collar for Added Comfort Around the Foot
• Full Length, Removable Footbed for All-Day Under-Foot Comfort
• 360° Lacing System™ with Rust Proof Eyelets for a Secure Fit
• Non-Marking Rubber Outsole with Wave-Siping™ for Ultimate Dry / Wet Traction

Man of the Year Poll

Ok. Either we have more readers than I thought, or people are abusing the voting process and casting more than one ballot. This is not American Idol. We are sticking to the one man, one vote principle here. Pat is running the poll and has figured out a way to accurately count and disallow multiple votes.

Cheaters never prosper, punk.

Also, next year, we need a new poll. Not because of the multiple vote issue, but because this Bravenet shit is causing pop-ups.

BC Letter Jacket Party Date

Alright, since we have too many jerks trying to be rednecks by attending a monster truck rally, let's have the party on Saturday the 27th of January. I don't want to have the party any later because of busy season.

Do we all concur? Let me know. If you're too cool to respond, than I'll become too cool to host the party.

Free to Choose

In 1980, PBS ran a series called "Free to Choose," a 10-part series by Milton Friedman on the benefits of free-market capitalism versus the evils of the burdensome government inteference that was strangling the American economy at that time. The program did a lot in bringing ideas (previously considered too intellectual, complex, or boring) in a simple, easy-to-grasp format to mainstream Americans, who would later turn out in droves to elect Ronald Reagan to the White House later that year.

Anyway, thanks to Google Video, you can now view all 10 parts of Free to Choose with the click of your mouse. The shows are just as inspiring now as 25 years ago, especially in the wake of the recent Democratic takeover.

But for those of us who are pressed for time and don't wish to watch all 10 episodes, I recommend at least watching the first part: "The Power of the Market," which I have posted above. Friedman traces the prosperous development of the United States and visits Hong Kong. Only 20-30 minutes long (followed by 30 minutes of debate at the University of Chicago, which isn't really relevant), it pretty much encapsulates the gist of the series, and it prevents people like Ryan from using their "I'm not smart or interested enough" excuse because it presents the ideas in a simple and concise format.

The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week.

Coach Bill Curley.

Vox Gems: Christmas Edition

‘Tis the season for more Vox Gems:

Honorable Mention:
"To the person counting how many drinks someone has in a bar, get a life."
- Counting your drinks is lame.

Honorable Mention:
"The Empty Stocking Fund needs sadder stories. Poor decisions about marriage, kids, and education don't really make me want to give more."
- Congratulations are in order for this contributor for making me laugh at something so inappropriate.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Downtown merchants need to cut out their snooty attitudes. This is not Beverly Hills. Remember, the meek shall inherit the earth."
- Stop quoting Bible verses, cracker.

Third Runner-up:
"The next time you light up a joint or do a line of coke, remember you are bankrolling violent crime in the city."
- But don’t let anyone tell you that you’re funding terrorism. Those guys sell heroin.

Second Runner-up:
"We need to open up to the terrorists and talk to them? I don't know anybody who said this about Hitler. Did Lincoln say, 'Get me Robert E. Lee so we can talk,' or did Sherman march through Atlanta?"
- What?

First Runner-up:
"Savannah cabs are disgusting. It doesn't matter how dirty, smelly or old the vehicle is, the windows don't have to work and the shocks can be broken, but it can be a cab in this town."
- Wait, cabs are gross? You mean that getting into the back seat of a strange car that no less than a thousand different people have coughed or farted in isn’t hygienic? No way.

And Your Gem of the Week:
"Attention Court TV, if Savannah could survive Sherman's fiery march, it will certainly survive the Ross trial."
- Yeah, and if California can survive the OJ trial, then none of those earthquakes can make it break away from the rest of the continent. I like to make irrational comparisons too.

Merry Christmas, folks. Happy Friday.

Too Slow, Hippies.

Just 30 minutes after the Savannah City Council voted to allow real estate developer Richard Guerard to demolish the nearly 80 year old gas station on Drayton, the structure was leveled. Guerard had a crew standing by to tear down the building as soon as the permit was signed and before realtor Dicky Mopper and developer Michael Brown could file an injunction to halt the demolition.

You can read the full article on SavannahNow.com. It goes on to describe the debate that took place at the City Council meeting. Interesting stuff. Alderman Clifton Jones called out the hippies for not doing anything about this building sooner:

"If the preservationists were so serious about saving this property, perhaps they should have been the ones to buy this property."

You tell 'em, Cliff.

B.C. Letter Jacket Party

After consulting with the master mind of this party, Nick Sabogal, we have made an accord. The party will be held on January 13th, the Saturday before Martin Luther King Day.

In the past couple of days, fellow Cadets have been asking me when the party will be held. There is alot of enthusiasm for this hoe down. Around this time of year, everyone wants to have a party... making our scheduling tougher. MLK Day weekend seems like the best time for the party. It should still be cold, and who else is having a BC letter jacket party that weekend?

So, dust of that bad boy, have your momma stitch the last patch on... its time to party. Spread the word far and wide. Shun those who think the idea is stupid.

The party will be BYOB, and BYOBCLJ (bring your own B.C. letter jacket.) Entry depends on you wearing the jacket. Oysters will be provided. No outsiders allowed. Former St. Vincent's girls are encouraged to wear their old uniforms.

Stipulation: If you for some reason you did not earn a BC letter jacket, tough titty. You may not attend.

The Bottom Line: More Savannah Bureaucracy

Behold, the old gas station at the corner of Drayton and Charlton. Yesterday, the city's Historic Review Board (communists) doomed this structure to sit unimproved for a while longer, possibly until it falls down. The Board denied developer Richard Guerard permission to construct a 20 unit residential building that would have saved and improved the current structure, which is four walls and the canopy you see on the front. Their reason was that the design did not integrate into the surrounding styles. I guess a dilapidated gas station fits into the scenery a little better. I wasn't the least bit surprised to read that last year, the Historic Review Board blocked another developer from tearing the structure down to make way for new construction.

Bottom line, the building is an eyesore. It is on the National Register of Historic Places, but it's a dump. It's four walls, a canopy, and a fence. The Historic Review Board needs to come off it and let someone do something with this property.

You can read the full story by Scott Larson here on SavannahNow.com.

Got Any Gum?

I don't think it's any real secret that the most underrated cast member in SNL history was Norm MacDonald.

Voting Underway

You may now cast your votes for the BMBS Man of the Year Award. Because I'm new to this whole polling thing, I'm not sure if it recognizes people by their IP address and prevents them from voting more than once. If unlimited voting is allowed, we ask that you please show respect by not abusing the process.

As Joe said, voting will continue until New Year's Day, when the winner will be announced.

Will's Nomination: Tom Powers

Nobody embodies the BMBS spirit more than Tom "TP" Powers. TP is a 1976 graduate of Benedictine and one of the original 35 members of the Clan na Erin. His love for BC, Tybee Island and all things Irish cannot be ignored. He keeps his fingers on Savannah's pulse and always has the inside scoop on the city's gossip.

A Savannah nightlife icon, TP can be found, with styrafoam cup in hand, at anyone of the following BMBS-endorsed bars:
Doc's
Kevin Barry's
Pinkie Matser's

Finally, TP is a strong family man. He is uncle to BMBS founder, Patrick Holland, but in reality, TP is an uncle to us all. I submit to you my nomination for BMBS Man of the Year, Thomas E. Powers III.

Joe's Nomination: Mr. Christopher A. Lane

I would like to take this opportunity to formally nominate Mr. Christopher A. Lane for BMBS Man of the Year. In the ten years that I’ve had the privilege of knowing Mr. Lane, he has exemplified to the fullest what it means to be a Cadet, a Savannahian, and an American.

Between a full time college schedule, sixty hour work-weeks and twice-daily trips to the gym, Chris still finds time to get inappropriately drunk at any opportunity. I would be remiss if I did not mention that this picture was taken between 6:00am and 7:00am at Shoney’s where Chris devoured no less than eight plates at the breakfast buffet after a hard night of binge drinking.

Here is a short list of traits that I believe qualify Chris for this honor:
- Former Cadet Lieutenant Colonel (Would’ve made Cadet Colonel if Will wasn’t such a kiss-ass)
- Does not listen to rap music
- Sired an entire little league baseball team
- Picked a fight at Dingus on Halloween with a guy dressed as Osama Bin Laden
- Drinks scotch and likes it
- Missed a friend’s wedding because he was drunk at Hooters
- Has totaled or brought about the demise of five cars
- Once ate the Bible while waterskiing

The list goes on, but the point is that Chris Lane is more than qualified and deserving of this award. Cast your vote for Mr. Christopher A. Lane: BMBS Man of the Year.

Rick Schwarz: Man of the Year

Former Cadet Colonel. Hardcore Georgia fan. Saludatorian. A fraternity brother's worst nightmare. Firehouse fanatic. The king of power hour. Because this was his last football season as a student at Georgia, I feel now is the right time to award BMBS Man of the Year to Rick Schwarz.

During the Fall, you can find Rick at Memorial Stadium on Friday nights and at Sanford Stadium on Saturday afternoons. In the Summer, you can find him stumbling down Butler Avenue on Tybee after getting kicked out of Bennie's three times in one night (by Bennie).

All of this is Irish Hurricane material at its core. Schwarz embodies the essence of our ideals. He's never touched a drug outside of alcohol (and trust me, that's enough). He is a take-it-or-leave-it type of guy. He doesn't try to change his tune to please or appease girls, and he takes a no holds barred approach when dealing with frat guys, especially after about 10:23 pm. He bucks the trend of most kids from Savannah who try and act all "laid back" once they get to college. Instead, he brings the outspoken, caustic bitterness of Seawright Drive to Bourbon Street every Thursday night, and when you wake up on Friday mornings and see you had 26 missed calls, you might be first dissappointed that it wasn't from girls, but you can still take comfort in knowing it was one of the most die-hard defenders of BC, Georgia, and America the world has ever known.

So friends, next week's vote is a no-brainer. When you cast your ballot for who is worthy of the honorable title of BMBS Man of the Year, go with your gut. Go with Rick Schwarz.

Ryan's Man of the Year

The Burger King

On the surface, my nomination seems silly, perhaps even a waste. The Burger King is not, in fact, a real person, so why would I make a "goofy" choice when I could pick someone like John Smoltz or Skip Caray? Well, the people who get the King (not the people who say, "Ugh, it's just creepy. It's not funny, just stupid.") appreciate when he pops up on TV in between unfunny, unoriginal commercials. The folks at Burger King have stuck with him since they first used him to introduce that "controversial" breakfast sandwich they had (or still have).

But the King represents so much more. For most of my life, Burger King has been, by far, the last fast food burger place I'd go to, and I imagine the same goes for many people. It wasn't because I really disliked their food, it just wasn't the popular choice. Things have changed, my friends. The BK Stacker is my favorite burger right now: two patties, cheese, bacon, and a "special sauce." It's pretty great that I don't have to ask them to leave off the vegetables. It's just a damn good burger, and the fries are underrated, too.

The King also is a testament to the enormous potential that exists between creative marketing efforts and the embracing of America's business oppurtunity. You don't have to try to make me feel like a better person, McDonald's, by patting me on the head for eating one of your forced salads. No need to talk in an NFL voice, Taco Bell, to sell me a steak enchilada. No, you take a giant, smiling mask on a tiny, robed body, place him in weird situations, and you tell me to have it my way. Burger King has really reached new highs with these new Xbox games. Shameless product placement in a video game package? Exactly. And who is going to buy these games? People that get it. People that like a little fun in their capitalism. This company is doing all the right things to make money, and the customers love it.

Beach Music and Boat Shoes Man of the Year - The Burger King. For inventive humor, good American food, and the celebration of capitalism.

The Buzz Over Obama

The mainstream media are abuzz over Barack Obama and his presidential ambitions. He's young, energetic, "intelligent," telegenic, bi-racial, smiles a lot, and he speaks really well (i.e., he employs centrist, ambivalent language to cloak an otherwise left-wing voting record). All the stuff that CNN, John Stewart, the British, and other Clintonistas just go ga-ga for.

One small problem though: he's still liberal. He voted against extension of Bush's tax rate reductions, against free trade with Central America, and against a ban on partial-birth abortions. He supports even further expansion of the welfare state.

So I wish someone could please explain to me what's so "cool" about not supporting free trade? What's hip about being a protectionist labor union supporter? Just what is so totally awesomely rad about supporting partial-birth abortion? What's so groovy about using taxpayer dollars to create and destroy embryos? What's so bodacious about defending the government monopoly that is the public school system?

Ronald Reagan was nearly 70 years old when he was elected president, and his ideas were 70 times more youthful and energetic than Barack Obama's could ever hope to be. Ideas, not image, should matter. The fundamental, God-given rights to life, liberty, and property, coupled with the spread of capitalism, the most revolutionary, dynamic force that has expanded wealth and freedom to millions in just over the past decade alone, must not be stifled by false notions that stagnant statism is somehow "trendy" because some media darling says it is.

BMBS Man of the Year

As 2006 draws to a close, I believe it is our duty to elect one man this year and each year following who truly exemplifies the ideals we hold so dear. Here's how this will work:

Each BMBS contributor will nominate one (1) man who he believes best represents our values. You can nominate any living man except yourself or another BMBS contributor. Your nominations must be posted to BMBS and include a picture, bio, and the reason for his nomination. Pat will put up a poll and voting will begin Monday, December 18th. Sorry to give you a deadline, Pat, but this shouldn't be too hard. There will be two weeks of voting by both contributors and readers, and the winner of the BMBS Man of the Year: 2006 will be declared on New Years Day. We'll also look into getting a plaque to send to the winner.

Nominations must be in by this Friday, December 15th.

The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week

In imitation of the brilliance that is Joe Wood, I'll ill be attempting to write a weekly series as well. I most likely will not come through every week, so feel free to post a ridiculous item on my behalf at any time.

Also, the idea of "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week" is based on Bill O'Reilly's "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day." As Ryan can tell you, Stephen Leonard is not original and has little, if any, creativity. Here we go....

Why Mommy is a Democrat

This ridiculous item caught my eye as I was surfing conservative blogs the other day. At first glance, I was positive that this children's book was some ingenious conservative joke. But on the contrary, the book is genuine. I spent a full hour with my jaw dropped, checking out the whole website. Be sure to check out the three sample pages. Simply amazing.

Why is this book ridiculous? Because the author fails to address the proven failure of every liberal ideal.

If someone wants to buy a Christmas present for me, I'd love to have this. God knows I won't give money to this wacko.

P.S. Be sure to read the testimonials. Notice how a writer for The Daily Show is a contributor.

Blog Update

I've just updated the blog to "beta" version (whatever that means), which is supposed to be easier, faster, and better overall. But I also think this means ya'll each may have to switch over as well by signing in with your Google account name (if you don't already have one, it's free to sign up) the next time you post. This is why I'm listed as the only contributor right now.

BC'S HEARTBREAK

There are seldom times in human history where all of mankind stops what it is doing to take notice of some extraordinary, momentous event that shocks the world. Where time stands still and the world holds its breath in anticipation of an ecstatic burst of exhiliration. Examples of this include the Beatles' first appearance on Ed Sullivan in 1964, the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, and finally, halftime at the BC-Lowndes playoff game in 1996.

The Cadets had dominated Lowndes 13-0 going into the locker room and looked like they would have little trouble sealing a trip to the Georgia Dome. It didn't happen: 4 fumbles, 2 interceptions, and a missed extra point prevented that. But it brought a diverse city together to rally around a common cause like none other since (except maybe for Save Our Sandfly). Here's to the 11-2 1996 Benedictine Cadets.

GAMEDAY

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

I took last week off mainly for a lack of material, but I’m back today with your Gems of the Week:

Dishonorable Mention:
"Our local hospitals need to be unionized. Why would anyone want to be a patient in a hospital that doesn't treat their employees fairly?"
- Ok, if that’s a route you’re willing to take, get ready for more expensive, repeat MORE EXPENSIVE, health care and worse service. That’s what unions do.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Please put a traffic cop in Georgetown between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m."
- Why? It’s not like anyone is speeding.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Thank you to the kind lady who paid for my purchase at the Piggly Wiggly on Victory Drive on Thanksgiving Day. You made my day."
- I keep seeing submissions like this. I can’t shake the feeling that more people are going shopping with no money, hoping for a handout and in order to keep these people from holding up the line, someone behind them ends up paying. I’m not falling for it, deadbeat. If money's tight, go through the proper channels for help. Don't prey on the kindness of unsuspecting strangers.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I also had trouble getting through to vote on "Dancing with the Stars." I used three different cell phones and all said I had reached my limit of calls. We need a recount."
- Give it up, Slater lost.

Third Runner-up:
"Near-riots, beatings and muggings for the PlayStation 3? Are marketers taunting the ignorance of the public by limiting production? If so, they should be held criminally liable."
- There are some good words in this one. I especially like “taunting the ignorance of the public.” No one is purposely limiting production to drive up demand. It doesn’t work that way. Also, “criminally liable?” That doesn’t work either. What would be the charge? This is just another great example of someone who has picked up a few buzz words and immediately declared himself an expert. You’re not fooling anyone.

Second Runner-up:
"Chili's has the best barbecue sauce."
- You must be from the north. Try Johnny Harris or Carey Hilliards; those are far better than any national chain. I’d tell you go try Walls for great barbecue, but you’d never find it because it’s not on Abercorn. On second thought, I’d tell you to just go to Sonny’s or something. You don’t deserve Walls. Yankee.

First Runner-up
"The concert hall at Armstrong Atlantic State University should have been full on Tuesday, Nov. 28. The Savannah Wind Ensemble gave a stellar performance of symphonic music. Where were you, Savannah?"
- People who go to things like wind ensembles, ballet shows and foreign movies go to those things because they want to come off as cultured. They really don’t like going, but they do so to keep up the façade to their friends that they are sophisticated. No one wants to sit and listen to flutes and horns for six hours, I don’t care who you are. (By the way MacKenzie, The Queen is a British film. That means it's foreign.)

And your Gem of the Week:
"What happened to Chip, the V.P. of O.C. Welch? We don't see him on television anymore."
- Allegedly, Chip bit Stephen about five or six years ago. Stephen has been aching to get back at Chip, so I guess he’s hiding.

Happy Friday, folks.

BMBS Remembers...

Gannam Day

I feel as BMBS's S-1, I should copy and paste whatever Patrick has typed into Wikipedia about Staff Sergeant Gannam:

George K. Gannam, a 1938 Benedictine graduate, was killed at Pearl Harbor and was the first Savannahian to die during World War II. The school holds a military review and formal ceremony on or around Pearl Harbor Day (Dec. 7) each year to commemorate Staff Sergeant Gannam. The American Legion Post 184, named in his honor, presents the Gannam Award to the most oustanding sophomore cadet and the God and Country Award to an outstanding senior cadet. The school also presents the Gannam family an American flag which, in turn, the Gannam family gives back to the school to fly on the flagpole for the following year.

Jack the Prisoner

This is an 8-minute prequel to Season 6 of 24. It's definitely worth watching as it gives insight into what the Chinese want from Jack. The video is pretty dark, but you can see enough to get the gist. Almost one month until the premiere...

Thursday

Girls Do Fart

From www.ajc.com:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Support the Arts at BC

Benedictine will host a benefit concert at the Trustees Theatre featuring the Modern Skirts and The Empties. The concert is Wednesday, December 20 at 7:30 and the proceeds will go towards promoting the Fine Arts department at the school. Admission is $10 and the Alumni Association is offering a $20 package which includes a pre-concert reception at the Planters Inn.

All I know about these bands is that they hail from Athens, GA. Ryan, maybe you can give us a "scouting report" for the Modern Skirts and the Empties. Dr. Whelan is the driving force behind this effort and his son, Eddie, is good friends with the band members.

I know ya'll don't give a damn about the arts, but come on out and support BC. If nothing else, you can get drunk and make fun of the kids at the concert.

Lowndes: The Final Chapter

Apparently I'm the only one left on this blog. But that's fine because they didn't have blogs back in 1996 anyway. So I appreciate ya'll playing along and remaining in character.

Usually any team that has its sights set on a state title has to face a Valdosta-based squad at some point, and '96 was no different. In the wake of the greatest BC win in modern history, the confetti at Gallaher's and H.T. Connolly's settled, and the Cadets began preparing to host 6th-ranked Lowndes in a showdown at Memorial Stadium.

Coach Brackett immediately began to raise concerns that the Vikings' fun-n-gun attack would exploit BC's only real weakness that year: the secondary. But BC had emotional advantages. It was, after all, Gannam Day week.

Stay tuned as we relive one of the biggest weeks in BC football history.

Round Two: BC over LaGrange

And so in week 2 the Cadets managed another upset, this time with a decisive victory over the state's 2nd-ranked team. When will something like this happen again? Probably not until the Hale-Bopp comet makes another pass.



"BC OUTFIGHTS LAGRANGE"

BC outfights LaGrange

By John Clayton
Savannah Morning News
November 30, 1996

LAGRANGE - For the second half of Benedictine's 23-17 playoff victory over previously unbeaten LaGrange Friday night, the Cadets looked like schoolyard bullies who had picked a fight against a smaller foe.

Try as the smaller but quicker Grangers might to slip away, they somehow always stayed within arms' reach and were forced to take another blow.

And that was just the way BC coach Tommy Brackett had planned it.

"You could say that we wanted to take advantage of our size up front," Brackett said. "We told our guys this week that this was going to be a good old backyard, draw a line in the dirt fight and that it was going to be physical."

The Cadets (11-1) took advantage of three second-half miscues by the second-ranked Grangers (11-1) to hold onto the ball for more than 18 minutes in the second half.

Defensively, BC limited LaGrange to minus-18 yards rushing in the second half and 41 yards for the game.

Seventh-ranked BC returned to its wishbone roots for most of the game, putting together a 13-play, 75-yard scoring drive to start the third quarter.

Walter Simmons scored on a 1-yard plunge with 5:34 left in the third quarter to put BC ahead for good, 17-14.

LaGrange standout receiver Carlo Heard fumbled the ensuing kick and Chris Mercer recovered at the LaGrange 29 to set up another short scoring drive.

Eight plays later, BC quarterback Tommy McNamara sneaked over from the 1 to put the Cadets ahead 23-14 after Scott Shelton's extra-point attempt fle wide left with 1:45 left in the third quarter.

That miss was the only glitch in BC's second-half performance.

"I think it's a tribute to our guys that we can come out and throw the ball 21 times and win and then come out here and throw it three or four times and win," Brackett said.

Bo Parsons cut into BC's lead with a 44-yard field goal, LaGrange's longest of the season with 1:53 left in the game.

The Grangers got the ball back at their own 44 with 19 seconds to play, but could not find a miracle in the Hail Mary pass as time expired.

BC ran up 241 yards on the ground behind an unbalanced offensive line for most of the game.

Brackett gave credit to the man he replaced, Jim Walsh, Sr., for coming up with the idea to run behind an unbalanced line for part of the game.

Walsh was coaching BC the last time the Cadets made the state quarterfinals in 1979.

The Cadets appeared in control in the first half, taking a 3-0 lead on Shelton's 20-yard field goal with 4:41 left in the opening quarter.

Shelton's score was set up by the 58-yard run of Stephen Sauers on BC's second play from scrimmage. Sauers found himself as the odd-man out of the backfield when BC neglected the wishbone for much of the season, but was happy to get the ball Friday night.

"It felt good," Sauers said. "We all played well and played well as a team and that's what you have to do to win state."

LaGrange's J.R. Revere answered by driving the Grangers 71 yards and setting a new school record for touchdowns by a quarterback with a 1-yard run on fourth down.

The Grangers made good on 3 of 4 third-down conversion attempts on that drive.

But the Cadet's bounced back immediately with a five minute, 65-yard drive that ended with McNamara's 33-yard sprint on an option around right end to put BC ahead 10-7.

The cadets only lapse in the first half cost them the halftime lead.

LaGrange's Ashante Woodyard came untouched from left end to block a Gene Dotson punt and run it in five yards for the score to put the Grangers up 14-10 at the half.

But that play did not spoil the fun for the Cadets, who will face Lowndes County next Friday.

"I really enjoyed myself," said 340-pound BC lineman Donald Joyce. "We knew it would be physical. We went out and lined up and the best team won."

"The Biggest High School Football Team I've Ever Seen"

Ok, we’re finally “on schedule” now. After BC squeezed past Northside, people really started to talk. The eighth-ranked Cadets would next have to face the second-ranked team in the state, on the road. The AJC didn't think BC stood a chance against an undefeated powerhouse like LaGrange, whom many felt would have little trouble bringing home the state title in 3 weeks.

Thankfully, because it was a holiday weekend, many Savannahians were able to leave early that Friday morning for the game. But then again, a rare trip to the second round of the state AAAA playoffs wouldn't have stopped most BC fans from missing work anyway.

I remember, albeit vaguely, coming home to Savannah for Thanksgiving that year and everybody just couldn't stop talking about BC. I remember sitting down with my uncle (Tom) and cousin (Jack) with an atlas of Georgia on my grandma's kitchen table. They were mapping out the best route to the small city on the Alabama border, which is a long-ass drive considering it’s on the completely opposite side of the state and you have to take back-roads the entire way to get there. Anyway, this preview headlined the front cover of Friday's sports section:

“IN THIS MATCHUP, BC PLAYS THE HEAVY”

By John Clayton
Savannah Morning News
November 29, 1996

LaGrange coach Steve Pardue’s first impression of the Benedictine team was a lasting one. “I look at BC, and I think there should be a weight limit in high school football,” Pardue said. “They’re the biggest high school football team I’ve seen.”

And Pardue doesn’t expect any changes for the lighter, after Thursday’s Thanksgiving Day meal.

No. 8 BC (10-1) makes the long road trip to LaGrange at 8 p.m. to face the second-ranked Grangers, the champions of Region 4-AAAA, the second round of the Class AAAA playoffs.

The Grangers return to the state playoffs after a five-year absence. Any size disadvantage for LaGrange is made up for the quickness and the magnitude of a perfect 11-0 record.

BC Coach Tommy Brackett, whose team is coming off an emotional 11-10 overtime victory over Northside in last week’s opening round, said the Cadets are probably the underdog as they prepare to face a smaller but quicker team.

"LaGrange has some tremendous athletes with a lot of quickness and speed, but even in our own region we faced the same dilemma week-in and week-out as far as
speed is concerned," Brackett said. "But don't count us out. These guys continue to amaze me -- how they’re able to reach down and get things done.”

"We're probably not supposed to win this game, but you'll have prove it to me that we don't have a chance to win.”

As it has been all season, BC was spurred by its hard-hitting defense against Northside, which allowed standout quarterback Anthony Sessions 176 rushing yards but only one touchdown, which came on the game's opening drive.

While the BC defense has been outstanding this season, allowing seven points per game on the average, it may face its toughest test yet in LaGrange's potent Wing-T.

The Grangers are averaging 396 yards and 35 points per game.

Quaterback J. R. Revere’s father is a LaGrange assistant coach and has gone from ball-boy to three-year starting quarterback.

“Offensively, everything goes through our quarterback,” Pardue said. “His dad is our assistant coach, so he’s basically been our program for the last 14 years.”

Revere has thrown for 1,087 yards and 12 touchdowns, while running 756 yards and 16 scores.

CSI

I really hate any type of procedural show: cops, crime scene, hospital. It really is the same formula every week, only with the details changed a bit. No real characters, terrible acting, forced dialogue, always wrapped up in an hour. Which is why I have a new hero on the internet.

Someone has, at the risk of their own well-being, created a seven-minute montage of the terrible one-liners that David Caruso says at the beginning of every CSI: Miami episode. The writing, the ham acting of Caruso, the constant putting-on-the-shades-before-I-deliver-my-quip, The Who punctuating every statement - it all comes together right here. People watch this garbage over Friday Night Lights, which I think is great.

Round One: BC over Northside

If I'd decided to do this earlier, I'd have posted this one last weekend, with all the pre-game coverage and hype, but because we're technically already in "Week 2" for historical purposes, I have to rush things a little. Either way, there wasn't much coverage in the SMN leading up to this game anyway, just a tiny preview capsule. So let's take a little trip back to November 22nd of '96.

Number one song in the country: "Head Over Feet" - Alanis Morrisette

Number one movie at the box office: "Space Jam"

And it was the Cadets who stunned the Eagles head over feet in overtime, winning on penetration. Here's how the front page of the sports section read that Saturday morning. And below that is the actual write-up, which I realize was already posted on Will's blog a few months ago, but it's worth posting again.



"BC IN OT"

By John Clayton
Savannah Morning News
November 23, 1996

At a school so cognizant of tradition that football practice can easily turn into a lesson in Benedictine football lore, it was appropriate Friday night that history repeat itself.

The Cadets downed Northside 11-10 in overtime in the opening round of the Class AAAA state playoffs at Memorial Stadium. The last time the two teams met - in the 1979 state playoffs - BC also came away witha one-point victory.

BC (10-1) - after gaining the penetration advantage on the final play of the first overtime period - kept the ball more than four minutes in the second five-minute overtime period. The Cadets used their wishbone attack to mount a nine-play drive that reached the Northside 34 before turning the ball over on downs with 52 seconds remaining.

BC's Walter Simmons intercepted an Anthony Sessions pass at his own 25 and returned it 50 yards to the Northside 25 with 15 seconds to play to seal the victory.

"We just knew we had the yardage we needed and we wanted to milk the clock," said BC coach Tommy Brackett, whose team will travel to LaGrange Friday for the second round. "Our defense rose to the occasion and it was just great for our kids. This is a great win for Benedictine."

The BC defense, which had hardly been flexible at all this season against Region 3-AAAA competition, bent but did not break under the constant pressure of Sessions. The highly-touted Northside quarterback finished with 176 rushing yards.

"It was a great defensive effort. Our kids played hard," Brackett said. "Don't ever count us out."

The Eagles (6-5) who had won six of their last seven games coming into the playoffs, rolled up a statistical advantage in the first half with 10 first downs and 192 yards rushing - 106 beloning to Sessions.

But five penalties on one possession and three Northside fumbles kept the Eagles from winning the battle on the scoreboard, as the first half ended 7-7.

BC cornerback Donald Doan, who was on crutches at Thursday's practice returned to action Friday night, said the Cadet defense got the job done in the face of Sessions' onslaught.

"We meshed together and played as a family," said Doan. "When you get to the playoffs, I think that's the main thing - to mesh when things get rough."

Scott Shelton's 18-yard field goal, which capped a BC drive that began on its own 37, gave the Cadets a 10-7 lead with 9:13 to play in the fourth quarter.

A late-hit penalty against BC on a Northside punt return helped set up a 39-yard field goal by Brian Davis with 2:52 left in regulation to tie it at 10-10.

BC, which was finally able to move the ball on the ground in overtime, was held to just 18 yards rushing in the first half.

The Cadets' only touchdown was set up by a botched punt attempt, which traveled only five yards to the Northside 25. The Eagles were flagged for interfering with the punt reception and BC took over at the Northside 10.

Following a pass interference call in the endzone, Simmons went in from the 5 to tie the game at 7-7.

Sessions gave Northside 7-0 lead on the game's opening drive. His two-yard run capped the seven-play, 67-yard drive with 8:34 left in the opening quarter.

"We came up a little bit short, but I think our guys tried," said Northside coach Conrad Nix. "You try the best you can and sometimes it works out and sometimes it don't."

The Eagles were unable to mix up there offensive attack. All 283 of their total yards came on the ground and Sessions was0-6 passing with an interception.

Friday Night Flashback: 1996 Edition

It's hard to believe it's already been a decade since BC's spectacular playoff run. Yes, 10 whole years since the small Catholic school (with no marching band!) from Savannah shocked everybody by not only making it to the state quarterfinals, but by defeating perennial powerhouses on the way there, and by outplaying the opponent that just barely forced its elimination.

So over the next couple of weeks, I'll be posting old stories from the Savannah Morning News archiving the 3 weeks of euphoria that swept Seawright Drive and all of the Hostess City in late November and early December of that year. Back when thousands used to pack the stands of Memorial Stadium in vivid anticipation of another Cadet victory. Back when the place all 16 and 17 year olds dreamed of being on Friday nights was at the corner of Varnedoe and Skidaway, not Gus's or Tubby's.

Now I want to make clear that I can't really talk when it comes to personal memories about these games, because I didn't even live in Savannah when all of this happened, so in order to do the best job possible in providing a "fair and balanced" account, I ask Will, Stephen, and any other Cadet fans to please post their personal memories and thoughts from these games.

So please stay tuned over the following days and weeks on what I hope will be a fun trip down memory lane for Cadet fans.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Because this is a shortened week with the holiday, I’m posting the Gems today. There’s been some decent material this week, so don’t feel cheated. And now for your reading pleasure, the Gems of the Week: Thanksgiving Edition.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Are there any mountain biking trails in Savannah?"
- What about ski resorts? Are there any ski resorts in Savannah? Idiot.

Dishonorable Mention
"I hear advertisements encouraging us to eat and shop downtown for the holidays. That's a great idea in theory, but tell me how do you expect us to do either when there is absolutely nowhere to park?"
- You know, there are these large buildings downtown with nothing but parking spots in them. They’re usually free on the weekend for the very reason that people come downtown and spend money. Only tourists complain about parking.

Honorable Mention:
"I have a goldfish named 'Votes Democrat.' He can't do anything on his own, and someone has to feed and take care of him."
- I got a good laugh out of this one. No “lol-ing,” but a good laugh.

Third Runner-up:
"Would you believe that Georgia Power sent me a disconnection notice on a postcard so that everyone could see? I had been trying to conserve, and I only owed $38."
- Why waste the envelope on a deadbeat who won’t pay his bill?

Second Runner-up:
"It is safer to walk through a mine field than Savannah."
- No it’s not. I’ve been walking around various areas of this this city since 1993 and have yet to be blown up.

First Runner-up:
"How do you get Gorilla Glue off your fingers?"
- I can only imagine the predicament this person is in.

And your Gem of the Week:
"If you are tired of movies with gratuitous sex and violence, go see 'The Queen.' The actors give academy-award performances."
- Look at how cultured you are.
Here’s you:
“Look at me. I’m going to throw out the name of a random, foreign movie I happened to see so everyone will think I’m cultured. What’s ‘The Queen’ about? Who cares!? All I know is that it’s an obscure, artsy movie that no one has ever heard of, so I’ll sound sophisticated when I mention it in conversation. I'll also throw in my two cents about what I think qualifies as an Academy-Award performance. Now I really sound like I know what I'm talking about. Go me!”

Happy Thanksgiving, folks. Have a good holiday.

Bombs = Funny?

Two Country Day students brought a homemade bomb to school as a "prank." The way the story is shaping up is one kid made it and brought it to school to give it to another kid on Thursday. That kid took it home. When a teacher found out about it, she asked the kid to bring it back on Friday. The bomb was then locked in a safe on campus for over a day until the school's headmaster, Tom Bonnell, called police. He said the reason for the wait was to determine the best course of action, however the police report stated that Bonnell requested that police "keep it quiet."

The description of the bomb itself was scary. This kid knew what he was doing. Maybe Country Day isn't a bunch of hippies after all.

The full story by Adam Crisp can be found on SavannahNow.com.

Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate

It's that time of year again. Who's going to the game? Predictions? Comments?

20,000 Visitors Since Last October

You can't even fit that many people in Memorial Stadium!

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Slim pickins for Gems this week. Here you go:

Dishonorable Mention:
"Coach's Corner, leave the beautiful University of Georgia flag in front of the building. You Gator boogers seem to forget we stick with our Dogs win or lose. We are not fair-weather fans."
- Yeah. Take that, you Gator boogers.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Is it wrong to tell a Jaguar owner that his car looks like a Hyundai?"
- Yes, but it is perfectly acceptable to tell Stephen that his Hyundai looks like a Jaguar.

Dishnorable Mention:
"The Accent spread on Sunday about Urban Erotica was totally inappropriate for a family newspaper."
- Yeah, but it was so hot!

Third Runner-up:
"Before the Truman Parkway was open, the drivers in Savannah should have taken a class on merging. If you do not let cars merge while driving on the Jersey Turnpike, you get a ticket."
- If I cared about what went on in New Jersey, I’d read JoiseyNow.com.

Second Runner-up:
"Where can I go to buy paper dolls?"
- ...

First Runner-up:
"I thought I was being ripped off by the gas companies until I went to my dentist, and he charged me $1,025 for 40 minutes of work."
- But you paid it, right? Brilliant! You’ve just demonstrated how a free market system works. You received quality dental care, your dentist received money for his services to you, and the government didn’t get involved! It’s a beautiful thing.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Savannah is roughly 32.0 North, 81.0 West (just off the old Sheraton Hotel in the Wilmington River). If you dug straight through the earth from that point, you would end up at 32.0 North, 81.0 East, which is in Southwest China."
- This guy is answering the question that was in the Gems last week. He is obviously an idiot and has never taken a geometry class. If you were to draw a line straight through the center of a sphere, you would be on the complete opposite side of it. Sounds easy, right? This means if you were to start at the northwest quadrant of the Earth (which is where we are) and dig a hole through the center, you would come out in the southeast quadrant which. This dumbass started and ended in the northern hemisphere. Idiot.
Happy Friday. Go Eagles.

R.I.P. Milton Friedman (1912-2006)

Today the economics field has suffered a serious loss. Nobel Prize winner Milton Friedman, 94, has passed away. Friedman's influence on economic policy throughout the world over the last 25 years simply cannot be overstated.

In the 1950s, Friedman (along with his Austrian counterpart, Friedrich Hayek) led a small intellectual current of contrarians at the University of Chicago against the mainstream liberal tide composed of John Meynard Keynes' followers. Friedman was one of the first to posit the radical notion that bigger government would only worsen the problems it set out to solve, and that free-market capitalism was the best path to prosperity. Everyone thought he was crazy at first, but during the 1970s many began to take him seriously, and by the 1980s his ideas were finally put into play, becoming the dominant creed in the Reagan White House and in Margaret Thatcher's Britain. Today his influence can be felt as far away as Eastern Europe and Russia, and even in India and China. His many contributions to economic theory include:

- That inflation is always caused by excess in the money supply.

- That the cause of the Great Depression was the Federal Reserve, not the free market; and that the reason the depression was so bad and so long was because of FDR's vast government interference through central planning.

- That government programs should be evaluated based on their results, not their intentions.

- That Congress will always find a way to spend all the money it takes in and then some, hence tax hikes are pointless because they only feed Congress more money to waste.

- That there's never a bad time for a tax cut, as this is the only way to shrink government (also known as "starving the beast").

- That insider trading should be legal.

- That no one knows how to better spend your money more wisely than yourself, and no one knows how to better waste it than someone other than you.

- That it makes little sense to try solving the problems of a society composed of selfish individuals by putting more power in the hands of society's most selfish individuals (politicans); thus, voluntary exchange, and not central planning, is the best way to go.

- That a free market is crucial to the maintainence of a free society; that economic freedom is vital to the social freedoms and civil liberties we enjoy.

You also can check out Larry Kudlow's post honoring Friedman here.

Totally Sweet Gamers

I originally started this as a comment under Joe's Playstation 3 post. I got so fired up that I had to give it more room. Obviously everyone has their own hobbies or interests and sticks to them. At the same time, everyone looks at someone else's hobby and doesn't understand it at all. I play guitar and watch a lot of TV, and I don't know anything about cars. A car enthusiast won't understand why I play guitar and watch TV so much. My immediate thought is that it's a waste of time to do anything but put gas in your car, whereas he will think it's completely pointless to buy DVDs. I do make an effort to recognize that I should just respect that people love what they love. However.

These people camping out to buy Playstation 3 are worth nothing. They don't deserve a roof over their head, clean clothes, health insurance, or a driver's license. I don't want them to get a job, because that will take away a spot from a person who doesn't throw their short life in the garbage participating in a fairy land that doesn't exist. I really don't know who I would run over with my car first - potheads or "gamers." Though, my decision wouldn't be too hard, since they are usually the same people.

Let me tell you a story that I've told a few of you in person and hopefully not on this blog. Back in the spring, I went over to this guy's apartment who answered my ad looking for musicians. We'll call him Bob. Bob's hair had not seen shampoo in probably 3 or 4 days. His armpits exuded a stranded-on-a-desert-island aroma, mixed with the sweet stench of his chain-smoking habit. His teeth looked like exposed petri dishes of snot and roach guts. Bob was probably 60 pounds overweight.

He drank 3 cans of Mountain Dew in the 5 tortorous hours I was there, and took every sip in high speed, as if he couldn't bare to not have his gaming fuel in his body RIGHT NOW. He had two chocolate Snack Packs in a row, his tongue dashing over the peeled, plastic top in a starved, sexual quenching. If all this weren't enough, his personality was actually the worst offender of all. He pathologically lied about numerous things, including:
-He could be making millions in a band right now that he left because he was too good for them. I asked what band it was, and he said they were in California now - "You've never heard of them."
-He knows of a secret cabin in the mountains that, through the power of its beauty, "makes the panties drop like *that* (snaps fingers)" every time he brings a different girl up there.

Let me emphasize how unfriendly this guy was. His people skills involved scrunching his nose a lot while gruffly telling me, "Don't do that," while waving his fat paw around. This was while I was simply explaining why I was messing up a song of mine. There was lots of snickering (imagine Stephen's drunken, disgusted "pfffft") at opinions of mine.

What am I getting at? Well, the whole root of his anti-social personality comes from his pathetic addiction to video games. He said he usually goes to bed around 5:00 or 6:00 a.m. Why do you need to learn how to make friends when Zelda is taking you on the 12th journey of Final Fantasy? This reminds me of that guy I posted about a long time ago who had played Everquest for 9480 hours (a year and a month). I honestly could write another 10 paragraphs about the black hole that is playing video games all the time, but I'm sure it would be preaching to the choir. I just really hate this culture.

Get a job.

Sida and Sineth, age 19 and 17 respectively, have been camping out in front of the Best Buy on Abercorn since Sunday night. The reason? They are waiting for the Playstation 3 to come out. They aren't the only one's either. The douche at the front of the line has been there since Sunday afternoon. It's easy to do this kind of thing when you don't have a job.

The line is comprised mostly of young males who have never kissed a girl.

You can read the full story on SavannahNow.

Prescribing a counterproductive antidote for a non-existent disease

Earlier tonight on Hardball I heard a Democratic Congressman say that we need to raise the minimum wage to "revive this sluggish economy."

Which is basically the same thing as saying we need to raise NCAA graduation rate requirements in order to revive the sluggish Ohio State football team.

Widening Abercorn?

I just came across this article on SavannahNow.com. Apparently Abercorn is to be widened to deal with the crawling traffic that occurs every weekday afternoon from 4:00 to 6:00. I honestly don't think it will make a bit of difference, but you guys go ahead and widen it. Until there's an overpass at King George Blvd and more routes from Pooler and Richmond Hill that don't include Abercorn, expect the same traffic. I can't wait to move out of Georgetown.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Dishonorable Mention:
"If we dug a hole straight through the earth from Savannah, where would we come out?"
- An ocean, probably.

Dishonorable Mention:
"If you think a $2 billion fence will keep the illegal aliens out, you might be a redneck."
- These jokes stopped being funny ten years ago.

REALLY Dishonorable Mention:
"I love reading Vox Populi. It is the first thing I read in the paper every morning. Many of the comments are full of wisdom, and many are quite witty."
- It's hard to decipher sarcasm in print, so I'll have to assume this contributor is serious.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Who was Georgia Tech playing when they made history by scoring 220-0?" (Editor's note: According to the National Football Foundation and College Hall of Fame Inc., that was the game against Cumberland University on Oct. 15, 1916.)
- Give 'em a break; 1916 was a rebuilding year for the Cumberland Bulldogs.

Dishonorable Mention
"Elections are held in November because this is the best time to pick out a turkey."
- I hate you.

Third Runner-up:
"Coach's Corner need to take that red, white and black Georgia flag and paint it with Gator colors. Go Gators."
- First, we're in Georgia. If a Coaches Corner opens up in Florida, you can hang up Florida stuff. Second, you can't paint a flag. It would get all stiff when the paint dried. That wouldn't look good.

Second Runner-up:
"Judges, please do something about traffic court and the extremely long wait times. Our citizens deserve better service."
- The wait is so long because assholes like you go in and argue every little charge. Just pay the fine and get out of there.

First Runner-up:
"I would like to see a full account printed in the paper stating where funds go that are raised by the United Way of the Coastal Empire."
- "I want this information and I want it now. I want it delivered to me. I want to know where every cent is going."
Check their annual report, you lazy prick.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Shame on whoever kept going after hitting the kitten on Hover Creek Road. She died in my arms."
- Maybe the person who hit it is allergic to cats.

Happy Friday, folks.

Why I Ultimately Think Tuesday Night Was A Really Good Night

Because, if nothing else, it accomplished this. Finally, as predicted, the cleansing process will begin.

Anyway, I know I've been annoying over the last few days. I'll try my best to can it on the political stuff for awhile.

Quote of the Week

"I've always wondered why Republicans insist on acting like Democrats in hopes of retaining political power, while Democrats act like us in order to win." - Dick Armey, from his op-ed piece in today's Wall Street Journal.

Also, check out George Will's column and post-election analysis in yesterday's Washington Post. I wish I could write with one-tenth the level of brilliance this guy does.

The First 100 Days

Listed below are 3 goals the new Democratic Congress has in its first 100 days:

- raise the minimum wage
- lower the cost of healthcare
- "take on" the oil companies (whatever that means)

All three of these initiatives sound great in theory, but in practice they are beholden to one, simple underlying fallacy: that prices and wages are set by employers, doctors, and oil firms; and that government can thus counterbalance them by intervening and setting those prices lower.

But the reality is that prices aren't determined by single individuals, but by markets. None of these actors, even if they tried their hardest, could manipulate these prices. I bet the gas station owner down the street from my apartment would just love to charge $7 per gallon, or even $700 per gallon for that matter, but he can't. Even a new $8 minimum wage, which is basically a scheme to protect union workers from having to compete with teenagers and Mexicans by pricing them out of the job market, won't work because you will always have low-skilled workers somewhere willing and able to accept lower pay. It also gives companies even greater incentive to outsource more jobs.

The problem we have is that somewhere around 80% of Americans fail to understand what I just wrote, and will whole-heartedly support the Dems' fruitless crusade to manipulate prices and further interfere with the same free-enterprise system that has made us so wealthy in the first place.

A Return to Divided Government

Last night, in some respects, was 1994 in reverse. For the first time in twelve years we had nationalized midterms, a strong message sent by voters, and a change in party power.

But in many ways, this year bears no semblance to '94. The main differences:
- Republicans won by running to the right that year, courting their base. Democrats won last night by running to the center and trying to keep their base quiet.
- Republicans won that year by actively promoting a point-by-point plan to reform government. Last night the Democrats won by not having a plan, by remaining passive, keeping quiet (except John Kerry), and simply waiting for the G.O.P. to self-destruct.
- In 1994 the American people rejected liberalism. Last night wasn't a rejection of conservatism, but of corruption and frustration over a war.

The Good:
- Maybe, just maybe, Bush will finally start using that thing called the veto pen. This would help slow the growth of government.
- The vast majority of Democratic pick-ups last night ran as conservatives and moderates; hopefully they'll stay that way once they arrive in Washington
- Divided government usually has a better (or, more accurately, a less worse) record of protecting economic and civil liberties and promoting fiscal responsibility, than one-party rule does. Hopefully this will remain true with the new set up we'll have.
- Last night made a Hillary Clinton victory in 2 years substantially less likely. A second Clinton White House is by no means totally out of the picture, but Americans are unlikely to want a liberal female president and a liberal female house speaker in the same government. And Hillary won't be able to run as the "agent of change" in '08, because that change already happened 2 years prior.

The Bad:
- There's a very good chance Democrats will misinterpret their mandate; the reason they won last night is because many libertarians and conservatives stayed home instead of voting Republican. Many are upset about Iraq, and more and more have felt alienated by the G.O.P. since 2000. It's not because Americans approve of things like socialized medicine, higher tax rates, unfettered abortion, and Cuba's economic system.
- Unlike 1995-1996, when a media blitz led by Clinton and the major networks used the old "Mediscare" tactic to derail Gingrich's plan to force Clinton to sign a balanced budget, this time the media will be on the side of the new party in power.
- The Democratic Leadership's sheer lack of positions across the board is troubling. Will they raise taxes? Defund the war? They won by running on a platform of being against things. It's unclear exactly what they'll be for.

All in all, I think last night was good for the simple reason that, for the umpteenth time, it sent a simple message to the G.O.P. leadership: this is what you get when you abandon libertarians and ignore the people who put you in power in the first place. This is what happens when you put privilege and power over principle.

Final Predictions

- National elections: Dems take the House, picking up around 23 seats. Republicans hold on to the Senate, somehow.

- State and local elections: who cares?

Local Republicans complain of harassing calls

Megan Matteucci
Savannah Morning News

Local Republicans say one person may have taken advertisements for today's election a bit too far.

Mary Flanders, the chair of the Chatham County Republican Party, came into the office Sunday to do some last-minute preparations. She checked the phone messages and found one that startled her, she said.

The caller, who identified himself, said the message was for "you all m-----f-----g crazy Republicans," according to a Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police report.

"I hope all your families die in a really bad accident or of cancer," the report stated.

Flanders saved the two-minute long message and called police.

"It's not a threat; just a nasty, hateful, wish you were dead kind of call," she said. "We just wanted to make a formal report in case something happened."

Although the message was not nice, it appears no crime was committed.

An officer documented the complaint as a harassing phone call and advised Flanders how to take a warrant out in Magistrate Court, police spokesman Sgt. Mike Wilson.

"Based on the report, it appears the citizen left a rude and obnoxious message on the headquarters answering service," he said. "Although the message was about two minutes in duration, it would be up to a judge to decide if the conduct warrants an arrest for harassment."

Flanders said she doesn't know the caller, but received his phone number from the headquarters' caller identification system.

"He lives in South Carolina and isn't even a voter here. I can't imagine why he would call here," she said. "But we do have a lot of television ads over there."

Police say this is the first political complaint they've received this election season.

Encouraging Poll

I came across this poll, conducted by CNN of all places, that the newly-elected Democratic Congress would do well to look at after we get spanked tomorrow.

Election Eve Analysis

Today the nation's unemployment rate dropped to 4.4%. That rate has only been lower for 28 months out of the last 30 YEARS (during the final quarters of the dot-com bubble). My point is, on the domestic front, it simply doesn't get any better than this. Five years ago the Democrats, alongside numerous newpaper editorials and the broadcast media, claimed that lowering tax rates would somehow drive the American economy deeper into recession, would increase unemployment, and would explode the state and federal budget deficits.

All of these people couldn't have been more wrong. Incomes are rising, millions upon millions of jobs have been created, and the deficit is shrinking by the day. Tax receipts are higher now than at even the height of the late 90s boom. Just imagine the surpluses we'd have if it wasn't for 9/11, 2 wars, the most costly natural disaster in history, and the enormous surge in welfare and pork-barrel spending.

Now good people can disagree over Iraq, and just how effective our plan has been there, because that's what Tuesday is mostly about. But just about every leader of Al-Qaeda says it's the central front of the war on terror. Our president tends to believe the same. So Democrats must either believe 1) somehow it's not the central front, or 2) it's the central front, but the war on terror simply isn't worth winning.

All of this having been said, I still understand why people want change in Congress. I've stated a million times my disappointment with the Republican leadership in Washington. They've failed to deliver on a number of conservative promises, and have acted like liberals on issues of spending and expanding the welfare state. I'm just not sure a Democratic house would be any better. In fact, I think it'd be far worse. Some say gridlock would be good thing, as it would help to limit runaway spending. But in the 80s we had divided government and this still didn't stop the Democratic Congress from spending money like UGA sorority girls, so I'm skeptical of this argument.

All in all, I'm not as pumped up about this election as previous ones. If the Dems win the House, and they likely will, this will force much-needed leadership changes on the Republican side who have been corrupted by power. But it will also mean a San Francisco Speaker of the House who, like the rest of the party she leads, is a Keynsian socialist. She'll make it 100x harder to keep Bush's tax rate cuts (currently set to expire in 2010) permanent, and she'll try to further expand the size and scope of government at a faster rate than Bush ever did. Thank God for the veto.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week.

I decided to change up the Gems format this week. I want to let the quotes speak for themselves, as well as add a bit of fun to it. See if you can spot the Vox submission I made up.

A - "Every time I hear Bush open his mouth, all I hear is 'Wolf, wolf, wolf.'"

B - "The reason you never see any Republicans standing on street corners and holding campaign signs is because they’re all at work."

C - "Liar, liar, pants on fire. After watching their commercials, the britches of John Barrow and Max Burns should be smoking."

D - "Perhaps if some law enforcement would arrest the local big oil CEO and charge him with price gouging, our gas prices would drop to meet the prices around the rest of the country."

E - "I don't see a lot of difference between the Enron management and Delta Airlines management. A lot of Delta employees have lost their pensions and health care, yet management has lost nothing."

I'll post the correct answer a little later. Happy Friday!

Nobody For Governor

Well election week is finally upon us and I've decided to open things up by announcing the first ever BMBS political endorsement.

For Georgia governor, BMBS endorses: nobody. What evidence is there that we even need a governor in the first place? Very little. I really do think Georgia would be better off without a governor.

Unfortunately, it looks like there will still be a governor after next Tuesday, and that governor will still be Sonny Perdue. Perdue is campaigning across the state asking prospective voters to come up with "Sonny Do" lists. But to be honest, I'm sick and tired of government DOING more and more things. It has such a poor track record, why give it more and more responsibilities? Everything government touches usually ends up turning to ruin. So instead, I decided to comprise my Sonny DON'T list:

- DON'T waste any more money on our broken education system. In fact, DON'T play any role in our education system at all: instead free our public schools from government bureaucracy: privitize all of them and then provide vouchers for low-income families. Public schools should be just like our public universities: they should be forced to compete with one another. So stop throwing dollars at a system that will remain inherently monopolistic and flawed.

- DON'T tax personal or corporate income.

- DON'T spend millions trying to lure companies to come here just because they "create jobs." If they want to come here, they will. If they don't, they won't. Just keep taxes low, get out of the way, and everything will take care of itself. If Jacksonville ends up getting a Chrysler Van Plant instead of Savannah, then oh darn. You can feel good knowing you didn't have to waste billions in taxpayer dollars subsidizing them.

- DON'T play a role in the transportation system any more. MARTA has been losing money for decades because there's no profit incentive. Privitize it and subject it to the discipline of the marketplace. Atlanta is one of the few major cities with a government-owned airport. Sell it off as well. Finally, let private companies run major state highways. They'll do a far quicker and better job managing traffic and expanding roads because they have every incentive to do so.

- And finally, DON'T "fight" for anybody. "Fighting" is usually code word for establishing ridiculous price supports and subsidies, unnecessary liscensing, and other economic barriers to protect powerful interest groups from having to compete like the rest of us. Stop "fighting" for farmers, teachers unions, etc. If you want to fight for anybody, how about fighting for the taxpayers whose money you do such a great job of wasting in the first place.

Oh please, Sonny don't.

Soldiers Rule

Keep Talking, John

Not a day goes by where I don't thank God this man isn't in the White House.

We're #260!

According to this year's poll compiled by Morgan Quitno Press, Savannah attained the distinction of being America's 260th safest city. The list contains only cities that sent in reports, so obviously, it's not complete. A total of 371 cities responded. The safest city this year is Brick, NJ, where even Ryan can be a badass. Suprisingly, St. Louis was deemed the least safe at #371, with Compton, CA coming in at #368.

I don't give a shit what you say, I'd much rather be in St. Louis than in Compton.

Offensive!

In the PC world we live in, this commentator was probably fired two seconds after he made this comment. Shame, because it's pretty damn hilarious.

Fried Chicken

Stephen will LOVE this.
www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/09/fried-chicken-song.html
You might have to cut and paste because for some reason I waas having trouble cutting and pasting the link. Deal with it.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Gems of the Week.

Dishonorable Mention:
"We had a live mink in our yard on Wilmington Island last Saturday."
- Sweet.

Dishonorable Mention:
"This whole gas situation was never about having $3-a-gallon gas. It was about making us grateful for 'only' $2 a gallon. We have been manipulated."
- No you haven’t. Shut up.

Third Runner-up:
"I really miss the S&S Cafeteria on Abercorn. We sure do need another good cafeteria."
- It amazes me that old people could love S&S so much. They’d pile in there for dinner every day… at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Second Runner-up:
"Why is it we don't have one political candidate that discusses uniting the parties? Seems like since Bush took office, there has never been a bigger wedge between us."
- Hippie, the political parties will never be united. There is too great of a difference in ideology. Go toss your Frisbee.

First Runner-up:
"If you think $3 a gallon for gas is highway robbery, what about restaurants charging $2 or more for a Coke?"
- Precisely my point! You bitch about the price of gas, yet continue to spend your money on other things without batting an eye. Think about this: the average price you can expect to pay for a 12 oz can of Coke is 50 cents (Obviously, buying two liter bottles will make Coke cheaper per volume and buying at a restaurant will make it more expensive, but bear with me.). There are 128 ounces in 1 gallon. Let’s do some math:

128/12 = 10.67 ~ This is how many 12 oz servings are in one gallon.
10.67 * $.50 = $5.33 ~ This is the price of Coke per gallon.

That means that Coke is $5.33 a gallon. That’s more than $2 higher than $3 a gallon gas you were bitching about. Does that mean the Coca Cola Company is greedy? Cokes used to cost a nickel in the 1950’s, were they less greedy then?
(Don’t get me wrong, however; I love Coca Cola. I believe their product is vastly superior to that Yankee piss-water also known as Pepsi.)

And your Gem of the Week:
"I called the Chatham non-emergency police number to report shootings on my block and was asked, 'What do you want us to do? There are shootings everywhere.'"
- If you called the non-emergency line to report a shooting, then this probably wasn’t the first shooting in your ’hood. It probably won’t be the last either. Stay inside or move.

Happy Friday, folks.

Evil, Evil Wal-Mart

How evil, you ask? The horrible, disgusting capitalist company is rolling out its $4 generic prescription drug program to its stores in 12 more states, including its 139 stores in Georgia. From the Atlanta Business Chronicle:

The $4 generic program includes 314 generic prescriptions available for up to a 30-day supply at commonly prescribed dosages. The list of 314 generic prescriptions is made up of as many as 143 compounds in 24 therapeutic categories.

Bentonville, Ark.-based Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT) said it concluded the list of $4 prescription medications represents nearly 25 percent of generic prescriptions currently dispensed in its pharmacies. According to the www.rxlist.com, the list also represents 14 of the top 20 prescribed medications in the United States. Generic medicines have an estimated cost that is 30 to 60 percent lower than an equivalent brand name product.

And to make PROVE to you capitalism doesn't work: Target has matched the $4 drug program in Florida and plans to everywhere else, including here in Georgia.

Viva La Gwinnett

Like any of you care about the immigration state in Atlanta, here is a sad article of how Mexicans have taken over neighborhoods in outer Atlanta now that they have nowhere else to go in the inner city. You may have to register to read it. For those of you who don't venture to the big city much, it really does seem like there are more and more every day. And I'm sure they will be moving en masse to the smaller cities soon if they haven't already.

Preview Day Six of 24

Normally I would wait for this to go up on YouTube and just embed it here on the site. However, it won't be up until late tonight probably, the quality would be worse, and it might get taken down. At 3:00 this afternoon, www.24trailer.com premiered the first look at Season Six of the Greatest Show on Earth. Read the next paragraph after you've watched it.

This is about as perfect a tease as I could hope for - it gives you the gist of what's to come but doesn't give away too much. In fact, one of the best things about it is that I still can't tell what exactly Jack will be used for. He sure does look mighty haggard and empty, though, and that's always a good sign. I really like the use of small scale terrorists attacks as the driving plot point; a very realistic possibility here. Looking pretty grim, but that's part of the show.

Patrick's Five Best Albums of All Time

Some of these were tough. I want to start out by saying there’s tons of R&B stuff from the 60s and 70s that deserve to somehow be on here, but because we’re dealing with best albums, and not the best songs, it’s pretty much impossible to fit them in. So most of this stuff consists of white rock bands, but if I could put in my 25-song Motown/Beach Music CD mix, it would easily make the top 3. Anyway, here we go...

1. Rubber Soul – The Beatles (1965)





No surprise here. I know I’ll get criticized for being really cliché because most VH1/Rolling Stone lists have this somewhere at the top as well. But I can’t help it -- I just really like this album. This is Lennon and McCartney collaboration at its finest. This album proves you can get really creative without getting weird. If you counted which CDs get played the most in my car, this one easily tops the list.

Best tracks: all of it, every single goddamn song, in order.


2. Help! – The Beatles (1965)




For the same reasons as Rubber Soul, this one comes in a close second.

Best tracks: “Help,” “You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away,” “Ticket to Ride,” “You’re Going to Lose That Girl”


3. Chronic Town – REM (1982)





Any early-to-mid 80s REM album would do here (Murmur, Reckoning, or Fables of the Reconstruction), but I settled on Chronic Town (which isn’t even a full-length album but a 5-song EP) as the best because it typifies everything that early REM was about: jangly guitar chords, driving bass lines, mumbled lyrics. Before this time it would have been unthinkable to make music that was a mix between, say, The Byrds and The Sex Pistols. REM did it and created an energetic sound that was much greater than the sum of its parts.

Best tracks: “Wolves, Lower,” “Gardening at Night,” “Carnival of Sorts”


4. Synchronicity – The Police (1983)





I’ve heard one rock critic put it best: what the Beatles were in the 60s, what Led Zepplin was in the 70s, The Police were in 1983. This band kicked ass, sold out the biggest arenas and stadiums, appealed to teenagers and thirty-somethings alike, and it’s a shame we don’t have anything remotely resembling them 23 years later.

Best tracks: “Synchronicity I,” “Synchronicity II”, “Wrapped Around Your Finger,” “Every Breath You Take,” “King of Pain”


5. Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys (1966)





I know, another VH1 chart-topper. But this record, like Rubber Soul, does a great job of presenting creativity without any expense to accessibility, and that’s why it’s on here. It also has the best opening song of any album I can think of.

Best Tracks: “Wouldn’t it Be Nice, “Caroline, No,” “Sloop John B.,” “God Only Knows”


Honorable mentions: Revolver - The Beatles, The White Album - The Beatles, Green – REM, Zenyatta Mondata – The Police, What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye, Moondance – Van Morrison, Off the Wall – Michael Jackson, Remain in Light – Talking Heads