The Irish Hurricane Dress Code

By Order #1, the Supreme Council of the Irish Hurricanes hereby decree (Provisioned under Article 2, Section 4 of the Doctrine of Kevin Barry's) the adoption of an official sports coat. If one is a member, you are not obligated to purchase such an immaculate piece of clothing until funds are available. If you are not a member and are seen parading around in this most holy of coats, you will have the "Dictatorship of Relativism" beaten out of you.

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Beach Bum Parade Deemed a Success

Ebert and Roper give Irish Huricanes, "Two thumbs up! Way up!"

Irish Hurricanes is "...one wild ride" raves USA Today.

James Lipton proclaims, "Beach Bums and Irish Hurricanes are a can't miss!"

Wheelchair Blues

Today I was making the dreaded trek home after class. This involves walking the uphill portion of Baxter Street which seems to last forever. About midway there is a Chevron station on my side of the road. I see a black man in a wheelchair talking to people as they walk in and out. Immediately I assume that he is asking them for money, so I look away and keep walking hoping that I would be too far away for him. I was not.

"Hey! Hey, man!"
"Yeah?"
"Hey, man, could you roll me up the hill?"
"Sure, I'll roll you up the hill. Where you goin'?"
"I'll tell you when we get there."

Hmm. The man is probably between 55 and 65 years of age; black people age really well, so it's a tough call (Did you know that Samuel L. Jackson is 56?). Anyway, he has a plastic bag with him, and it looks to contain some sort of alcohol.

"Do you want me to carry the bag?"
"No, I want you to push."

Terse. So he loads up and off we go. As we head out of the gas station a black woman talks with him for a few seconds. She has a smile on her face, but it sounds like there's hostility between them. She says something like, "Aight, I see you around!" He replies with a bitter tone, "Nah, I ain't fuckin' wit you." My guess is that he asked for a ride and she said no.

So we reach the sidewalk and I realize how hard this is gonna be for me. Even though the man is missing one leg, he must weigh between 160 and 170 lbs (maybe more, I'm awful at guessing weight). Plus I'm wearing flip-flops. So there I am, scrawny white boy pushing old, one-legged black man up this hill, which suddenly seems like a vertical climb.

I try to make polite conversation. "So what's going on today?" "At least it's not too hot." That sort of thing. He replies to it all, but I don't understand him very well; a combination of me exerting myself, being behind him, and thick ebonics. I must say, there was not really a friendly tone on his side of the conversation. Oh well.

He asks me if I have any money so he can get a taxi. I tell him I don't bring my wallet to class. (Lie). At this point there is a crack in the sidewalk, but there's no avoiding it, so I keep a-pushin'. We hit it and he says, "Whoa, don't break my shit!" but not in an amused way. I tell him I didn't see it.

We take a right into the dry cleaner's parking lot, and this is some serious incline. I'm walking on the fronts of my feet and positioning my hands to where the handles of the wheelchair are in the center of my sweaty palms. This is because if I placed my hands regularly on the handles, I'd be feeling up his armpits. I figured we should get to know each other better before we got to third base. Fortunately, lack of shame allows me to ask for his assistance in getting his tri-limbed body up this parking lot.

Somewhere in my workout I hear him ask something about me having a car. I don't respond, because I wasn't sure exactly what he asked and I had already asked him to repeat himself several times. We get past the tough part of the parking lot and he says that we can stop there. That's when I notice a lone car and a shady-looking character sitting in the driver's seat. I tell the man, "Take it easy," and go back on my way. I hear the man talking so my guess is that he asked that character for a ride.

Though this crotchety, old black man did not say, "Thank you" at any point, I feel I made peace with God today.

Echoes in the Blogosphere

Didn't I already say this stuff over a month and a half ago? It appears that even former Reagan economic advisor Larry Kudlow is reading our blog now. We will continue to stay ahead of the curve.

Bits O' Blarney From The Weekend

I'll start with a cross-section of the conversation I had with Trey Aimar at Mercury Lounge (downstairs, of course).

Trey: I've been dating this girl for a little while.
Will: Oh yeah?
Trey: Yeah, man. She's from Dallas, Texas.
Will: Don't mess with Texas.
Trey: No shit, Bubba. She got a big ol' pair of fake titties. Can't stand 'em.
Will: What, are they a little too firm?
Trey: Shit, Bubba, they're about as hard as your shoulder.

I saw a pregnant lady at mass yesterday and couldn't help but think of Nardis Walker's poignant comment in Mr. Graham's class:

Mistuh Graham, I thought that if a woman had sex while she pregnant, the baby will turn out gay.

Wevenge of the Thith

Don't read this if you haven't seen Episode III.

Favorite Things:
- The scene where Anakin is alone in the council room looking in Padme's direction and Padme is looking in his direction. Really well done and the music was fitting. I would argue that here he's already made the decision to turn to the dark side, which would mean he DOESN'T rush into it after Mace dies, contrary to what other people are saying.
- All the dialogue between Anakin and Obi Wan, especially on Mustafar. Overall favorite scene is the one where Obi Wan talks to Anakin after cutting his limbs off, and watches him writhe in agony...and just walks away. That's a cold brotha. *Notice that he takes Anakin's lightsaber, which he gives to Luke in A New Hope.
- Ian McDiarmid. When he was just Palpatine, his acting was perfect. Some people think he was too silly and over-the-top as the Emperor, but I was so glad to see him again that I didn't even consider that.
- The way Anakin screams when he gets cut up and burnt.
- The scene showing Vader, Palpatine, a young Tarkin and the old school uniforms and technology.
- Seeing Aldaraan for the first time and knowing that everyone there will die.
- Senator Organa using the same ship that Leia is on in the beginning of Episode IV.

Dislikes:
- Not enough Wookies.
- The now-infamous "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
- The way Obi Wan says "democracy" before they fight.
- Obi Wan: "Anakin, the emperor is evil!"
Anakin: "And in my point of view the Jedi are evil." - Worst non-romantic line in the movie.
- Didn't show Anakin killing children. :(

My ranking of the movies at this time, least to best:
6. The Phantom Menace
5. Attack of the Clones
4. Star Wars
3. Empire Strikes Back
2. Return of the Jedi
1. Revenge of the Sith

St. James' Finest

Apartment Complex Riddled With Bullets
Savannah Morning News, 5/19/05

Phil was a nice guy but I'm sure this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone.

The Bad News: BC was swept by Columbus in the second round of the state baseball playoffs yesterday.

The Good News: BC will hold an after hours alumni social at the Sand Gnat's game tonight. Even better, it is a Thirsty Thursday double-header.

Columbus-bound Cadets

Tomorrow, the Benedictine Cadets will face Columbus High School in the second round of the state baseball playoffs. I managed to find the playoff brackets online, but they were buried deep underneath all of the worthless high school soccer headlines.

Metro Atlantans, if you didn't already know, LOVE non-traditional, Euro-influenced, non-offensive, and no-talent requiring 'sports' like soccer.

Look at the this guy for example:



"Yea dude!! Parkview won state!! 'Money'!! Bring out the big hooded sweatshirts, the hair gel, and cargo shorts 'bee-otch'!! Let's go back to Derrick's place after this and catch the season finale of the Real World!!"

Hopefully someday Atlantans will learn to suck it up and engage in a real, roughneck sport like Mock Trial.

Anyway, if any of ya'll hear the scores tomorrow before me, please post. Thanks.

First Day On the Job

First of all, I didn't know I would actually be working today. I thought all I was going to do was fill out an application. Well, it's now 1:30 and I have nothing to do. I attended a meeting earlier and then took lunch. I have no clue what is going on.

One Jew's View

A great article by Ben Stein.

BC - The Standards Sink Lower

From the Savannah Morning News:

- Megan Matteucci

A botched drug deal and robbery sent a Benedictine Military School student and a McDonald's manager to the hospital.

Cole McEachern, a 17-year-old Benedictine sophomore, faces charges of armed robbery and aggravated assault, police said.

When police arrived at the Wilmington Island McDonald's, at 475 Johnny Mercer Blvd., at 11:50 p.m. Saturday, they found McEachern crawling out of the drive-through window and saying, "I am shot ... they made (him) rob that place," according to a Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police report.

Store manager Kerry Bennett, told police he was closing the store with another employee when McEachern approached with a handgun, wearing a blue and white bandana over his face.

After ordering the employees back into the store, he forced the manager open the safe and hand over the register drawers and bank deposit bag, the report says.

Sometime during robbery, the manager attempted to grab the gun.

The two started wrestling, while the cashier ran outside, according to the report.

During the fight, the manager was shot in the left forearm. He then snatched the gun away and fired at McEachern, the report says.

A bullet hit McEachern in the groin, according to police.

That's when police arrived to find the two injured men exiting the restaurant.

Police recovered a 9 mm semi-automatic pistol, two 9 mm rounds and one 9 mm shell casing.

They also seized a backpack full of $2,564 cash and back receipts, according to the report.

Bennett, 35, and McEachern were both taken to Memorial Health University Medical Center.

Once at the hospital, McEachern started to explain what happened. He told police he was at the Benedictine prom on Tybee, when an unknown man asked him to deliver some marijuana, the report says.

McEachern made the delivery and returned to the prom without any money, he told police.

The man was angry that he didn't have his cash and threatened to kill McEachern if he didn't pay up. Then the man recommended robbing the McDonald's, the student told police.

McEachern agreed, so he went home and grabbed his father's gun. He then drove to the restaurant with the man and committed the robbery, he told police.

McEachern remains at Memorial in fair condition, according to hospital spokesman Michael Notrica. He will taken to Chatham County jail after he recovers, police said.

The manager, Bennett, has since been discharged from the hospital, Notrica said.

Benedictine principal Kelly Burke declined to comment on the student, citing confidentiality regulations.

However, she said the school's junior/senior prom was on Saturday night, but it was at the Marriott in downtown Savannah.

The prom was supervised by faculty and parents, who prohibited students from coming and going.

The students were not permitted to leave the event until it was over at 11:30 p.m., Burke said.
==============================================

If it makes you feel any better, this was on SavannahNow's message board:
"... I didn't read the paper's account but didn't this kid get his penis shot off? I know I heard that somewhere maybe on TV. I know he got shot in the groin and the bullet pierced his scrotum so he is suffering pretty good right now and it will not get much easier."

The Point is Ownership

I was relieved when I learned that all of you wouldn't be able to watch that worthless QC show because W felt like giving a press conference.

Overall, I think he had some good things to say on social security, but he needs to stop talking about long-term solvency (people don't care about what's gonna happen 45 years down the road) and instead focus on OWNERSHIP. Americans should be able to keep the money they earn and invest it how they want to. Individuals are empowered when they are freed them from dependence on government handouts and are then made owners instead. They become in control of their own lives and destinies and of their own retirement.

That having been said, it's Thursday night in Athens, and I'm about to go "own" a 2 dollar Guinness at the Winery by myself.

Something new

In an effort to have an image that is more palatable to the eyes, I've placed this picture of my future wife. Ann Coulter may be more than ten years older than me, but we can make it work. Sorry Ryan "The Relativist" Smith, there's no sardonic atheist pun about the legitimacy of the Pope's right to succeed St. Peter as the head of God's Church.

Right now, Ann is a little shy about becoming a fellow blogger here on BMBS. But with my dashing personality, anything could happen.

Pope Palpatine

Don't think they look alike?
"Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

There are some advantages to being the only non-Catholic BMBS blogger.

Happy Earth Day...

...and why the tree-hugging hippies should be thanking capitalism for the environmental progress of the past 50 years.

What losers!

As I was walking into my apartment yesterday after an arduous three and a half hour class, Joe S. Fratdude (my neighbor) was smoking a cigarette while leaning on his red clay smothered Tahoe. I nod to him in normal respect, and with his lower lip flapping in the wind while precariously balancing a "fag", he turns his head away. I walk in the apartment with disgust.

Moments later as I am tying my shoes for the first run that I've had in weeks, I hear what seems to be a nice black lady outside my window. For the time that I have spent at Talmadge Close, that type of noise is unusual. So I peak out the window to see what is going on.

The lady has a mop and bucket in the right hand, and a vacuum cleaner in the left. Just then, Joe S. Fratdude walks out with a personal check in hand.

Joe says "Thanks again for coming this week. I don't know what we would do without you. I mean, like, the place looks great. The kitchen is spotless. So you're coming back next Wednesday right? I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

The lady puts her cleaning supplies into her car and rides off into the sunset.

Yes my friends, the kids next door have a weekly maid. How irresponsible, lazy, spoiled, wasteful, and loathsome does one have to be that earns them the need to hire a domestic employee while in college? These jerks really have nothing left to look forward in life except to buy some more "blow" for the next Texas Holdem' Tournament held every Tuesday.

I know I should not care what my good-for- nothing neighbors are up to, but this scene upset me tremendously. I posted this as a request from someone that was more in disgust than I.

Thoughts and Feelings?

This Just In...

We continue to hear unconfirmed reports from various sources that Coach Munch is leaving BC for a coaching job at Effingham. If this is true, the Benedictine community will certainly lose a "superfantastic" coach, teacher, and mentor.

We'll keep you posted with the latest...

Pope Benedict XVI

This guy is awesome. Not only does he have the namesake of the patron saint of BC, he's going to bring down the conservative hammer on all those liberals in our church. The hand holders during the Our Father better listen up. Benedict is not going to let our 2000 year old establishment fall into the depths of "progressiveness" that the Episcopalian Church has lost itself in. I believe he is correct in warning against the "Dictatorship of Relativism." If we began to mold our church teachings to fit whatever culture norms we have today, than the Church would mold itself out of existence. Benedict is the hard ass needed to prevent this catastrophe from happening. He is even willing to lose a few members to the "progressive ideals" in order to preserve the Orthodoxy that the Church has developed and argued for nearly 2000 years. I found this quote of him this morning when Benedict was then Cardinal Ratzinger.

"The Church will become small, and will to a great extent have to start over again. But after a time of testing, an internalized and simplified Church will radiate great power and influence; for the population of an entirely planned and controlled world are going to be inexpressibly lonely and they will then discover the little community of believers as something quite new. As a hope that is there for them, as they answer they have secretly always been asking for."

Bring it on hippie Catholics. Either take it or leave it... But I am asking you to please leave it. A mass liberal exodus would allow the Roman Catholic Church to last for at least another 2000 years.

When In Rome...

For all you Internet gambling junkies out there, myself included, you can now wager on the next Pope. Vatican insiders say to look for an older candidate, likely Italian, with the same conservative views as John Paul, II to keep the seat warm during this transitional papacy.

In a similar attempt to profit from the Papal conclave, I have designed a 3-bar hat to commemorate this sacred ritual.

Why We Need the Ownership Society

Two great websites that all of you should go to and read (even though I know none of you will) on why Congress should allow workers to opt out of the regular social security system and create their own personal private accounts:

http://www.socialsecurity.org/

http://www.heritage.org/research/features
/socialsecurity/OWCWelcome_new.asp

And also, a third great article that sums up all of this stuff:

http://www.cato.org/special/ownership_society/boaz.html

I know everyone would much rather watch The AC or whatever, but trust me, this is important. I know you are all thinking jeez, this guy needs to get a girlfriend or something. Well you're probably right. Trouble is, whenever I do get one, which may not be until 2040, I won't be able to take her out on that first date because there won't be any Social Security left.