Starting today, millions will flock to their nearest Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etc. to stock up on Christmas gifts. This always results in gridlock traffic near the shopping malls and hour-long waiting lines at cash registers. After months of intense research, I've come up with a plan of how to alleviate this madness:
Don't buy anything for anybody.
I've followed this rule for the past 22 years; trust me, it works. I never face the problems that plague our society each year in shopping malls, because I simply don't go to shopping malls. I do get irritated, however, when I want to buy something for myself during these next few weeks. Then we have problems.
Anyway, this Christmas, like the previous 21, I'll just give my mom a hug instead of a gift and give her the whole "true meaning of Christmas is about love and not commercialism" crap, and it'll work. It always does. And it should. I don't expect gifts from anyone else, so why should anyone expect gifts from me? And plus, I always know what I want. I never have to worry if the gifts I pick for myself are the "right" gifts or not.
Over these next three weeks, I'm going to do everything I can to act in my own self-interest. I'm going to try my best, at least once a day, to stop whatever I'm doing, and go out of my way to do something for myself. Whether that be making a trip to Dairy Queen, gambling double on bowl games, or ordering a liquor drink at the bar instead of Miller Lite, I'm going to make sure to look out for #1 above all else. I advise each and every one of you to do the same thing. If we all work together, this will be the best holiday season yet.
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