Friday, February 17, 2012

Aldi Right Prices

Look at all the stuff I bought. Now look at the final price. A new grocery store opened up down the street that is cheaper than any other I've been to. This place is called Aldi, and let me tell you about this bastion of capitalism and how they deliver such low prices:

-Everything in the store is Aldi's private brand; no name brands. Time to get over your trust issues with store brand Slim Jims.

-Each item only comes in one size (the most popular). So if you need mayonnaise, you get the one Aldi brand mayo in the one size. No chin-rubbing, aisle-clogging debates over a squirt of Hellman's vs a tube of Duke's that fits into a Super Soaker.

-You pay a quarter to unlock a cart and get your quarter back when you return it. This means there are no carts in the parking lot to ding your 1998 Sebring convertible.

-There are no baggers, and you're expected to bring in your own bags and pack them yourself. When your cashier is done checking you out, you get your ass out of everyone's way and bag your groceries on a table lining the front wall. It reminds me of the hurried frenzy of getting your clothes on in the high school locker room before everyone

-They only stay open from 9am to 8pm.

All of these brilliant, detailed choices trickle down to savings for the customer. I can only hope Aldi brings its streetwalker prices to Savannah some day. Also, I don't want to hear it about the "Imitation Cheese" on the receipt.


Pl0we said...

cat litter? do you have a puss in your house?

HANK said...

What did "Naquana" look like?

Patrick said...

Good story and all but what's the deal with the font changing with each paragraph on all of your posts? That shit is annoying.

Patrick said...

If you squint and ignore the items/amounts it looks like just another one of Schwarz's tabs at Roswell Tap.