These People Walk Amongst Us

My name is Ryan Smith, and I am an English major. Small problem, though: I hate everything about it. I haven't read a single assigned book for any of my classes. I read Sparknotes to write all my papers, which, by the way, are masterworks of complete bullshit. English "professors" love that; as long as everyone is still playing pretend, things are great.

Worse than any of this are the people I have had to deal with in Park Hall for a year and a half. You know the type even if you don't go to UGA. Here are some of their favorite activities:
-Chain smoking
-Intellectualizing
-Arguing passionately about a poem in class
-Making sure everyone sees their I-Pod earpieces
-Writing in their diary in class (true)
-Coming to class barefoot
-Putting "Not My President" buttons on their satchels

But if you need a visual aid, I went to the trouble of coming back into my classroom when it was empty so I could take this picture.


"This is why things fall apart." Let's examine this. First off, we all know HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Well, except for Tim, who sends every text message like this. Secondly, there's no punctuation, and as an English major, the author should be admonished.

More importantly, let's get to the message. The author fails to include exactly what or who is causing things to fall apart, so we are left to speculate. Perhaps he is being literal and referring to the occupant of the desk in front of them during the time of the inscription. Therefore, said occupant must be a severely obese person who causes things to break, such as desks. If this was the author's intention, then I must agree; obese people do cause things to fall apart and should be put down like dogs.

Most likely the message is a lyric from a music group, or even cuter, the graffiti artist himself. I must admit that I'm a little underwhelmed by the lack of originality or specifics. "Things" could be cars, relationships. unused showers, societies, black-rimmed glasses. You just never know.

In a decent world, the author is being self-referencial, owning up to his boo-hoo baby, liberal smarm and all its associations. Yes, because of people like him who damage other people's property, who protest things to get the attention they claim they don't want, who preach socialism while given the oppurtunity to thrive by way of capitalism, who infiltrate the hallowed grounds of BC and rob McDonald's, who get their news from The Daily Show, and who ruined their family members' lives that things are falling apart.

Thanks for reminding me every weekday.