Saturday, December 15, 2007

Man of the Year: Michael A. Reardon II

Now, I know what all of you are thinking. Michael Reardon? Are you fucking kidding me? But here me out.

After moving to Jacksonville in January, Mike has become the best under-5'8" corrugated box salesman in northeast Florida. His not-at-all-awkward small talk has not only enhanced his career, but has also translated into success in the bedroom. Throughout 2007, Mike has juggled numerous girlfriends, many at the same time. From doctors to Gator fans, Mike has conquered them all with his cuddly smile and suggestive pick-up lines.

Mike also deserves consideration for getting tickets to the Tech-ND game for Hank and I.

Mike was born in San Antonio, TX on June 23, 1982. He moved to Savannah at the age of 2 and has been a "Burnside Man" ever since. At St. James Catholic School, Mike excelled in hustling and being clumsy. After graduating from St. James in 1997, Mike enrolled in Benedictine Military School, ushering in the third generation of Reardons at BC. While at Benedictine, Mike participated in the Chorus, Key Club and Student Government as LTC Owens' Homeroom Representative. During the spring of his senior year, Mike took a nasty spill in C-Wing, shattering his jaw and getting blood everywhere.

It was during his time in the hospital, following his accident and related surgery, that Mike discovered his love of attention. Look at me, I tripped over this football on the floor. Look at me, I'm so drunk. Look at me, I have a small cyst on the back of my skull that caused me to blackout while walking in C-Wing and shatter my jaw and get blood everywhere. It is this love of attention that has made Mike the man he is today.

Mike matriculated at Georgia Southern University in the fall of 2001, rooming with BMBS blogger Joe. Being the charitable person that he is, Mike brought in a Georgia Tech dropout the following year and nursed him back to health. During his college career, Mike became the punchline of many jokes and memorable memories. He starred as a two-sport standout for the Your Mother intramural sports dynasty. He got sooooooo drunk just about every weekend. And he tried to start numerous fights, including one particular incident when he chased after a girl that had just flashed her tits for a dollar for everyone at the "Marvin Pyramid House" to see. Mike's legacy at GSU, however, will be the night he passed out at Campus Club, only to be lit on fire minutes later by Lee McCurry.

Lastly, Mike's poetic tongue has inspired many a Facebook quote over the years. I will leave you with a few of Mike's more tasty morsels to chew on.

She's so hot, she could melt down the Varsity.

I want to get into her garden.

It's not your fault, Colonel. Pink Floyd didn't do that shit to your face.

Michael Aloysius Reardon II
2007 BMBS Man of the Year

1 comment:

Britt said...

An obvious choice. . .