Thursday, December 16, 2010

Hank's Nominee: Shane W. Good-Murray

Shane is the product of when a Savannah teen goes through BC without drinking, and then unleashes the tiger in the Boro. Shane does not have many "accomplishments" to speak of, but he is living the dream as far as avoiding responsibility goes. I doubt Shane will receive any votes, but this is the best I could come up with besides nominating myself.

As Shane's' name suggest, he is the better of the three Murray brothers (believe or not.) The other two siblings are known as Bad-Murray and Medium-Murray. If you know the Murrays, no explanation is necessary.

It all started during the winter of 2007. After meeting Shane at the annual "Beer Fest" in Statesboro, I found out he actually graduated on time from GSU and was looking for a place to live. Joe and I contracted Shane to be our roommate on Tattnall St. Shane was weary of trusting us at first, but saw the glitz and glammer of downtown Savannah living and signed the lease. Our apartment became the home to Shane and his 5 or so drinking buddies, Weazle being the most frequent and prominent. I think Shane had keys made for them, since they were all propped up on couches at 5:45 every Thursday and Friday, downing a 12 pack and munching on Red Barron pizza, and Shane nowhere to be found.

Shane started his illustrious career at Stingray's on Tybee. Which is great money and free booze during the summer. With Fall approaching, I was worried we would not make our monthly rent, so I signed him up for a data processing job at the office where I worked. After many months of downtown debauchery, Shane, Joe, and I moved into my new house in Fall 2008. Shane and Joe promptly became my tenants; with no lease agreement… the rest is history.

Enough of the sappy story line. Below I listed "Shane-the-Drain"events which should be considered when voting for BMBS MOTY. The list is not to show how "cool" or "bad ass" Shane is, he is certainly not either. But rather, to reveal his inherent disregard for the future or well being of himself and others. For this care free attitude, he deserves slight recognition.

1. Informing everyone of his data processing job's new starting salary.
2. Bragging at his new office of how many tips and free booze he scored the prior night at Sting Rays.
3. Talking for days about how hot Miley Cyrus was while serving her free booze at Sting Rays, when she was 16 years old.
4. Walking away with several handles of top shelf liquor after a company event, all because the lady said he could have a drink.
5. Having a one-eyed dog named "Sparks."
6. Passing out every time a dentist or doctor pulled out a needle.
7. Passing out repeatedly at Donnie's beach house, uninvited.
8. Following a drunk girl home downtown, only to have her pass out on his feet just as a SPD patrol car pulls up.
9. Passing out at Benny's bathroom floor (which the CDC has declared unsafe) in a pull of vomit and urine after smoking a cigar.
10. Getting kicked out of Benny's after event #9.
11. Gaining access to Benny's shortly after event #10 and a quick nap.
12. Faithfully paying rent to Hank each month somewhere between the 20th and 30th of each month, when it is actually due the 1st.
13. A faithfull adherent to "The Seventeeners" club at Kevin Barry's.
14. Not realizing his converted attic room had an air vent, after living through the hottest summer on record.
15. Blowing 3/4 of his disposable income on alcohol, dog tracks, and football trips.


Frank said...

16. Shane is damn good people.

Shane said...

I'm voting for Rick.

You make me sound like fropup.

HANK said...

Is that a bad thing? You gave me an idea for next year's nominee.