Fame and Fortune

In the early 90s, I was quite prolific in my use of the VCR for recording things off TV. One of my most watched tapes was my TBS Christmas collection, which consisted of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Carol (1938 colorized, because Ted Turner loved him some piss poor colorization), and Frosty the Snowman.

Rudolph was always my favorite, and I can sing along to every song on there just as good as Mellon Collie. Which is why I felt emotionally molested a few years ago when I discovered that starting in 1998, they removed one of the best songs, "Fame and Fortune," in favor of the THIRD rendition of the Misfit song. I assume the powers that be didn't like the ominous message of Hermie and Rudolph feeling empowered and optimistic for the first time in their lives, and striving for success despite what authoritative figures had always told them. Better to just encourage any misfit kids at home watching that it's easier to keep whining about being different than to try to make something of themselves despite the odds.

Spheres of Influence

No Letter Jacket Party For Young Professionals

The Letter Jacket Party needs to be an annual affair. I thought we had the winning formula last year, hosting it the night after Christmas. However, life has dictated that I will not be able to host said party this year. is there anyone in the BMBS/OIA/PPB community that is willing to step up to the plate and help get this tradition up and running?

Kudos to the Savannah City Council, for once.

The Savannah City Council has actually taken a few steps towards creating more freedoms for taxpayers, as opposed to taking away freedoms like the US Gov't.

Kudo #1 - Recently, the Georgia State Assembly lifted the ban on Sunday alcohol sales, although leaving the decision to enact it ultimately up to the local governments. The Savannah City Council, in their infinite wisdom, approved the sales and recently moved up the enactment date to December 18th (as Snuff Dog can probably attest to.) Thereby allowing the Savannah Irish Catholic community to continue their annual indulgence of Christmas Day alcohol without pesky blue laws getting in the way.

Kudo #2 - City Councilman, Tony Thomas, has gone on the offensive against the Darth Vader that is Comcast. As you may or may not know, Comcast has a legal monopoly in the form of a "contract" with the City to provide cable services. Other cable providers are not allowed in the city, which of course results in shitty service and high rates. I recently eliminated my Comcast service after my red headed roommate moved out. I'd rather not have the service at all and save $140 a month, than to deal with the crappy equipment and Comcast morons. Anyways, Tony Thomas opened up a flood gate of pissed off Savannahians. Tony has also called a review of it's contract with Comcast, and is open to the possibility of more competition. What a novel concept... competition has the possibility of magically improving Comcast's service and lower rates. Brilliant!

Will this advancement of Savannahian freedom persist? Probably not, especially with the recent election of another thug Mayor.

A Little Housecleaning

 

Some felt it was time for a Back to Basics approach here at BMBS and so that is what we have implemented.  For those of you who did not make the cut (most of you didn't) I am truly sorry.  Now that there's only four of us, I'm not really sure what we'll talk about.  Not worried.  It wasn't a problem in February of '05 nor will it be now.  Thanks and God Bless.

Patrick's Nomination: Danny Britt

For turning BC football around seemingly overnight.  For laying a strong foundation for success in the coming years.  For giving BC fans a sense of hope they haven't had in over a decade, Danny Britt is 2011's Man of the Year.

Don't get me wrong; BC has had a few decent seasons ('05, '07, '09) recently.  But these always felt like one-offs, at least to me.  For the first time in a long time, I think if you polled the Cadet faithful, more people would say the entire program is moving in the right direction instead of the other way.  That hasn't been the case since about 2002 and it's a clear sign that something has changed.

BC has a decent shot at dominating in its new sub-region the next couple of years.  I've never really been a fan of playing in the lower classifications, but if you look at the AA playoffs this year, both Blessed Trinity (who narrowly squeaked past BC) and Westminster (who lost to Blessed Trinity) made it to the second round.  Given the increased strength and experience of our underclassmen, there's no reason BC can't get as far in '12.

BC has not yet reclaimed its spot as the city's top team, and probably won't for at least a couple more years.  The public schools (namely Windsor) have stepped up their game.  Calvary and obviously Christian are still top-notch programs.  But with Britt's hire, his attitude, and the immediate success that has come with it, you get the feeling that we're still happy we're not those other programs.  Britt's presence always seems to exude a desire to do things the right way, no matter what.  This approach is what has always separated BC from everyone else and we are lucky to have someone at the helm that represents and advertises those values for the school.

Man of year 2011: Gibson Hill

First off, Danny Britt will be the front runner for this great honor of being the Man of the Year, and rightfully so. All I want to do is ask for everyone to take a look at a man that is undeniably an ideal person for the things we believe in as members of BMBS.

During the last year, Gibson has become a member of the parade committee, and it is obvious after our conversations that he is going to be a fixture of the parade for many years to come. Gibson has already planted the seeds for his son being a cadet in the 2020's. Also, Gibson's own love for the cadets is only second to the likes of Will and Jack.

He is the main fact checker for a friend of ours that will not be mentioned due to competitive purposes. Most importantly, Gibson is just and humble and honest person. Earlier this weekend he said "Mike, I know that Danny Britt is definitely the front runner, but I am honored to be part of the history that is the BMBS man of the year"

I can not put it any better than that. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2.5 million new Democrats created since March 2010

It's never good when the number of dependents being created exceeds the number of jobs being created.  Unless you're the White House, of course, and your re-election numbers rely on it.

"North Dakota," Part II: The Maps, The Pictures, The People, The Lies

Right now, there are undoubtedly a thousand questions racing through your minds as to the validity of my theory that North Dakota does not exist. There is no coherent way to address all of your concerns in a typical BMBS format, so I will do so by answering a series of Frequently Asked Questions.

"Chris. I've seen maps of the United States. All of them include the Dakotas. Explain yourself."

The easiest way to defend against this argument is to attack the institution of Mapping itself. Most satellites orbit the Earth at an altitude of between 199 mi and 249 mi. You have never, ever seen the Earth from that altitude. Therefore, you have no firsthand evidence that the United States of America is not trapezoidal in shape. Hell, for all you know, it is shaped like a winking emoticon ;). The government is the gatekeeper of extra terrestrial imaging, and they have a compelling interest to maintain their ruse. They have successfully condiditioned you to accept their word as common knowledge, and you're just sitting there, licking your Kool-Aid moustache.


"Chris, what about all of the pictures that I've seen of these states?"

They were taken elsewhere. That's really all I have for this one. Name one distinguishing feature of either state? Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.

"Mt. Rushmore?"

By 1926, the government had a problem. People were asking questions.

"Why haven't I ever met anyone outside of Congress who is from the Dakotas?"
"Why have I never seen a single photograph of the Dakotas?"
"Why is there never any news, ever, out of the Dakotas?"

The people needed answers, and President Coolidge began to feel the heat. That's when he was approached by Montana Governor John E. Erickson. Erickson offered Coolidge a tract of land on which to build a national memorial that they would claim was in the Dakotas. The memorial would finally provide a distinguishing feature that would satisfy American curiosity as to the existence of the Dakotas.

In exchange, Erickson proposed that he would resign as Governor of Montana, and requested that Coolidge use his campaign apparatus to get his political ally Frank Henry Coone elected to the post. Once that happened, Coone would appoint Erickson to the U.S. Senate. Coolidge agreed in principle to the plan, but needed to see the project at least halfway completed before he would enact his support for Coone. The Memorial was projected to take 14 years, so, in 1933, as a civilian, Former President Coolidge visited the site. Satisfied with the progress, he stayed true to his word.

Erickson became a U.S. Senator. Coone became the Governor of Montana. Coolidge cemented his legacy among the fraternity of elitists as the man who saved The Great Lie. And the American people would not question the existence of the Dakotas again for 72 years (you're welcome).

As for "your experience" at Mt. Rushmore: the surrounding 20 miles are simply part of an elaborate staging area.

"But, Chris, your maternal grandparents and all of your ancestors are from the Dakotas. You are literally of Dakota stock."

Says who? Says the government (in the form of my grandfather). Both my grandmother and grandfather are from "the Dakotas." Immediately upon graduating from what I was told was "North Dakota State," (shocking revelation...more to come in Part 3) my grandfather joined the United States Army. He made a career of it, and served honorably for decades. He ultimately attained the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, and was based out of the Pentagon. He was probably in intelligence, and was more than likely in on The Great Lie.

In addition to having never visited my supposed "homeland," none of my relatives who are allegedly from the Dakotas have ever discussed life in those states. When I was a kid we went on trips every summer to visit this branch of the family. However, mysteriously, the entire family had moved to Kansas City at some undetermined point in time.

That's right.

"Oh, we all lived in North- and South Dakota, but we all, and I would like to emphasize, ALL - as in every one of us, moved to Kansas City. Mysteriously. For no reason."

That is how that conversation would have gone, but it never happened, because they have never discussed the Dakotas. Not one of these people supposedly born and raised in these states ever mentions the Dakotas...ever. No childhood stories. No quirky anecdotes. No, "Hey! Ha, remember the time in Blank, ND when that thing happened?" HOW is this possible?!

How could this never have just naturally been brought up as a topic of conversation??? The short answer: they hate lying to their family, and a little part of their soul dies when they stir the Government Red Cherry Kool-Aid. Because the Dakotas don't exist.

Tomorrow, Part III: Where My Eagles At?: Where, and Who, the Eagles Will Actually Be Playing

"North Dakota": The Great American Lie

The following is Part 1 of a 2 or 3 Part series (I haven’t decided yet):

Bigfoot. Pictures of Carrie Underwood that don’t give me a semi. The Tooth Fairy. North Dakota. What do all of these things have in common? They don’t exist. Especially not North Dakota.

“Why make up a state, Chris?” you ask, in all of your gullible glory.

"Political cronyism" is the short answer, but I'm too long-winded to just leave it at that.
So, here we go:


Part 1: Cleveland Rocks? A History of Corruption in a Mythical Realm

The year was 1888, and the incumbent President of the United States of America, Grover Cleveland, found himself in a heated campaign with the Republican challenger, Benjamin Harrison. It was a long, hot summer of intense campaigning that year, but as October rolled around, the President found himself ahead of his opponent by 13 percentage points in a Rasmussen Poll. With a comfortable lead, the incumbency advantage, and the security of an 8 point lead in his home state - the traditionally Republican New York, Cleveland rested on his laurels.

Harrison’s campaign manager, James Dakota, did not sleep much after Labor Day of 1888. He knew that with 4 years of peace and prosperity during the Cleveland administration, it would be difficult to defeat the president in the popular vote. Dakota frequently told aides that if he could just win Cleveland’s native New York with her precious 36 electoral votes, victory could be possible even without the popular vote. He just needed to find that magical corruption-carrot to dangle in front of the horse that WAS the the New York Electoral College.

Dakota knew that several members of the New York State Legislature had national political ambitions, but the oligarchical hierarchy in New York politics at the close of the Gilded Age created a virtually impenetrable ceiling. In order to realize these ambitions, such men would have to move to another state…or would they?..?...Jim Dakota had his carrot of corruption.

A desperate man, with a desperate plan, but without a desperate canal, the embattled Dakota reached across the aisle to then-Speaker of the House, Democrat John Griffin Carlisle (Kentucky-6), and the two concocted a devious plan.

When Dakota initially pitched the idea of a fake state to Carlisle, it was met with fierce resistance. However, in the corrupt culture of 19th century government, such schemes did not seem as far-fetched as they may today, and, in the words of their contemporaries, the Australian philosophers Alternating Current/Direct Current (AC/DC), “Money talks.”

The men hashed out the details:

“I mean, what the hell do I call this made up state, Dakota?” asked the Speaker.

“Yes,” replied Dakota, always quick to take advantage of linguistic ambiguity.

Portions of the Minnesota and Montana territories that were unsettled save for nomadic native tribes would be the lands that the men claimed were the Dakotas. The difficulty of travel in those times made this an easy lie to pull off; politicians in the nation’s capital were unlikely to ever make the arduous trip to the region. It would be an easy sell to the public for the same reason.
The “settlers” who would petition Congress for statehood were actually ambitious New York politicians, who, in exchange for increased influence and political opportunity, would ensure that all 36 electoral votes from their state would be cast for Harrison.



In exchange for Carlisle’s efforts in pushing the statehood proposal through Congress, he would receive an annual stipend from federally funded “projects” budgeted for the “state.” Also, the electoral votes allocated to the state in the next election (that of 1892) would be cast for the Democratic candidate. Carlisle found the plan so ingenious and beneficial to himself and his party that he decided to double his take by creating TWO states, North Dakota, and South Dakota.

New York politicians had their outlet to expand their influence. Carlisle was paid out millions. Harrison became President of the United States of America without winning the popular vote. “North Dakota” was born.

The tradition of the Speaker of the House controlling “the Dakotas” has continued to this day. Incumbent politicians (those in on The Great Lie) use political offices in “the Dakotas” to lure donors and federally budgeted funds to “bring home the goods” for members of their party and ensure incumbency advantage.

Tomorrow, Part 2: The Dakotas Today: The Maps, The Pictures, The People, The Lie

That Time of Year

Man of the Year nominations may be submitted between now and midnight next Sunday night, December 18.

Past Winners:


2006 - Tom Powers
2007 - Michael Reardon
2008 - Jack Holland
2009 - Coach Curley
2010 - ***Results still under investigation***
2011 - ????

Fifteen Years Ago On This Night

http://archives.savannahnow.com/sav_pdf_archive/text/fr202/B_2334509.pdf

http://archives.savannahnow.com/sav_pdf_archive/text/fr203/B_2334576.pdf