Monday, September 25, 2006
SNL Returns
A few reasons to watch the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend:
- Though I am physically attracted to Tina Fey, one could argue her stint as head writer has brought the show down in recent years. She left to do a new show, 30 Rock, that actually looks pretty funny. The new head writer is Seth Meyers, so maybe he'll take the show into a good direction.
- The Killers will be playing, and after some statements this past weekend, I think it is safe to say that The Killers are strongly approved by the folks here at BMBS.
- It will be the best thing to watch when the Ole Miss game is over.
- Along with Tina Fey, other departures include Horatio Sanz and Rachel Dratch. The only real loss is Chris Parnell, who is one of my all-time favorite cast members.
Since it's not on YouTube, I can't put it here on the blog, but please watch this Digital Short from last season. It will make you very nervous and uncomfortable, but it's one of the funniest shorts they have done.
- Though I am physically attracted to Tina Fey, one could argue her stint as head writer has brought the show down in recent years. She left to do a new show, 30 Rock, that actually looks pretty funny. The new head writer is Seth Meyers, so maybe he'll take the show into a good direction.
- The Killers will be playing, and after some statements this past weekend, I think it is safe to say that The Killers are strongly approved by the folks here at BMBS.
- It will be the best thing to watch when the Ole Miss game is over.
- Along with Tina Fey, other departures include Horatio Sanz and Rachel Dratch. The only real loss is Chris Parnell, who is one of my all-time favorite cast members.
Since it's not on YouTube, I can't put it here on the blog, but please watch this Digital Short from last season. It will make you very nervous and uncomfortable, but it's one of the funniest shorts they have done.
E Pluribus Unum - Rocker Style
If John Rocker is commended for anything, it should be for pissing off yankee trash. Any time someone can make an uncultured group of people face the fact that they have no culture, it's a beautiful thing. Here he comes again. I do despise this hot interviewer, though. She's trying so hard to be the "hard-hitting journalist who scratched her way to the top and demands respect, I call it as I see it, this is me - take it or leave it." Loose bag.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Weekly Poll
Topic: The best album of 1983. Was it...
Thriller by Michael Jackson
-OR-
Murmur by R.E.M.
A tough one, at least for me.
Thriller by Michael Jackson
-OR-
Murmur by R.E.M.
A tough one, at least for me.
College Football Thoughts
While I am sitting around trying not to study, I figured that I should just post some random thoughts on this college football weekend.
-ABC Night Game. Ok, I have two questions. How long has college football been around, and how long has TV been around? Because it took that long for ABC to figure out that putting a Saturday night game on TV would be a big hit. I mean these guys are just straight retards. I have been saying for years that one of the networks should pick up one of the big games from the weekend and play it on Saturday night. With that said, I'm glad they've finally done this because it cuts down on the amount of channels that I have to flip between. And not to mention that the games have been pretty good. Last nights Notre Dame game is on the top of the list for most entertaining this season. Notre Dame should have had no chance down 16 with about 8 mintues or so left(not exactly sure how much time was left). That combined with the wind and rain made this game just straight silly.
-Speaking of silly, Georgia should have lost to one of the worst teams in college football yesterday. You had to see this coming. The entire week everyone was talking about another shutout for the defense and the dumbass mascots. I really don't think we are as bad as we looked yesterday on offense. We had some suspect play calling(very few run plays) and some dropped passes. It was cool for Cox to come in and save the game but I am really annoyed because I don't want to have to listen to the QB contraversy bullshit for another couple of weeks. It was Richt's play calling and the WRs that made Stafford look so bad. I think we can still beat UT in two weeks but we really need a starting QB
-I thought that Tech's throwback helmet and different shade of gold jerseys looked pretty good. I know this would probably won't happen but I think they should go to those more often. I am curious to know what Tech fans thought about them.
-
-ABC Night Game. Ok, I have two questions. How long has college football been around, and how long has TV been around? Because it took that long for ABC to figure out that putting a Saturday night game on TV would be a big hit. I mean these guys are just straight retards. I have been saying for years that one of the networks should pick up one of the big games from the weekend and play it on Saturday night. With that said, I'm glad they've finally done this because it cuts down on the amount of channels that I have to flip between. And not to mention that the games have been pretty good. Last nights Notre Dame game is on the top of the list for most entertaining this season. Notre Dame should have had no chance down 16 with about 8 mintues or so left(not exactly sure how much time was left). That combined with the wind and rain made this game just straight silly.
-Speaking of silly, Georgia should have lost to one of the worst teams in college football yesterday. You had to see this coming. The entire week everyone was talking about another shutout for the defense and the dumbass mascots. I really don't think we are as bad as we looked yesterday on offense. We had some suspect play calling(very few run plays) and some dropped passes. It was cool for Cox to come in and save the game but I am really annoyed because I don't want to have to listen to the QB contraversy bullshit for another couple of weeks. It was Richt's play calling and the WRs that made Stafford look so bad. I think we can still beat UT in two weeks but we really need a starting QB
-I thought that Tech's throwback helmet and different shade of gold jerseys looked pretty good. I know this would probably won't happen but I think they should go to those more often. I am curious to know what Tech fans thought about them.
-
Friday, September 22, 2006
10 Weeks of Hell, Week 3
Not really sure how this one will come down. Make no mistake, Windsor is the better team, but I think BC has improved enough over the last two weeks to hang with them. That having been said, just for the hell of it, I'll go ahead and predict an upset tonight.
Prediction:
BC - 27
Windsor - 24
Prediction:
BC - 27
Windsor - 24
Vox Populi: Gems of the Week
Holy mackerel. This was an outstanding week for Vox Populi in both quality and quantity. The last couple of weeks were kind of slow, but I literally had a week’s worth of material by Wednesday morning. I even threw in a few extras. The Voxians are back and better than ever, just look at these!
Dishonorable Mention:
"I would vote for a card-carrying Communist before I would vote for anyone calling themselves a Republican."
- Alliteration aside, everyone would be much happier if you just moved away. If you enjoy the idea of Communism so much, move to China.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Liberalism: When a president is appointed by a court and not elected by a people."
- I don’t really get this one. Is this guy trying to be funny? Is this a snarky jab at the President? Maybe one of our resident political analysts can field this one. I don’t get it.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Why is it called a space walk? I've only seen the astronauts floating around."
- Why is it called taking a dump if you’re not actually taking it anywhere?
Dishonorable Mention:
"Bring back the Ellen show."
- …
REALLY Dishonorable Mention:
"Savannah is a great tourist town with arts included, so why shouldn't we have a larger arena? The old civic center could be torn down and another lost square could be restored. Also, why not franchise a Planet Hollywood or Hard Rock Cafe downtown?"
- You son of a bitch. Yeah, let’s just go ahead and put a McDonalds in Forsyth Park and throw up a Wal-Mart on River Street. While we’re at it, we’ll build a water park in Fort Pulaski. It's bad enough Outback, Loco's and the like had to go and wedge themselves into some prime real estate downtown. Let's get all the major franchises in here so downtown Savannah can look like downtown Richmond Hill. Please just get the hell out of my city.
Third Runner-up:
"You won't stop terrorism by winning the war in Iraq. You stop terrorism by changing the way you do business in the world."
- Yeah, it’s our international business practices that are making fanatical Muslims blow things up and kill people. I’d better watch what I say though, or someone might put a jihad on us here at BMBS.
Second Runner-up:
"WTOC's Dawn Baker wears pretty purple suits. You go, girl."
- There’s been a rash of these lately. They all stem from a remark someone made a few weeks back about Jody Chapin’s hair looking “tussled” one evening. I didn’t pay it much attention at the time, but it brought about a smorgasbord of dumb comments. Anyway… you go on, Dawn Baker, wich-yo’ bad self!
First Runner-up:
"During the last storm, our newspaper was so wet my husband put it in the oven to dry. He almost burned the house down, and I had to borrow a paper from a neighbor so we could read it."
- You and your husband are completely retarded. I’m glad I’m not your neighbor. Can’t you just get off your lazy asses and get the paper if it’s getting rained on? No, because it has to be someone else’s fault. There has to be someone else to blame for the thunderstorm, the soggy paper, your idiot husband, and the fire that almost consumed your house. Next time, just stick your head in the oven.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Nobody don't care nothing about Jody Chapin's hair. I don't even watch the news."
- Simply stunning. My grammar checker went nuts with this one. This came out on Tuesday and I immediately knew I had a winner. Just look at it. Read it again. With the blatant ignorance and poor grammar, this is not just any gem; this is a diamond. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the first nominee for Gem of the Year.
Happy Friday, everyone.
Dishonorable Mention:
"I would vote for a card-carrying Communist before I would vote for anyone calling themselves a Republican."
- Alliteration aside, everyone would be much happier if you just moved away. If you enjoy the idea of Communism so much, move to China.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Liberalism: When a president is appointed by a court and not elected by a people."
- I don’t really get this one. Is this guy trying to be funny? Is this a snarky jab at the President? Maybe one of our resident political analysts can field this one. I don’t get it.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Why is it called a space walk? I've only seen the astronauts floating around."
- Why is it called taking a dump if you’re not actually taking it anywhere?
Dishonorable Mention:
"Bring back the Ellen show."
- …
REALLY Dishonorable Mention:
"Savannah is a great tourist town with arts included, so why shouldn't we have a larger arena? The old civic center could be torn down and another lost square could be restored. Also, why not franchise a Planet Hollywood or Hard Rock Cafe downtown?"
- You son of a bitch. Yeah, let’s just go ahead and put a McDonalds in Forsyth Park and throw up a Wal-Mart on River Street. While we’re at it, we’ll build a water park in Fort Pulaski. It's bad enough Outback, Loco's and the like had to go and wedge themselves into some prime real estate downtown. Let's get all the major franchises in here so downtown Savannah can look like downtown Richmond Hill. Please just get the hell out of my city.
Third Runner-up:
"You won't stop terrorism by winning the war in Iraq. You stop terrorism by changing the way you do business in the world."
- Yeah, it’s our international business practices that are making fanatical Muslims blow things up and kill people. I’d better watch what I say though, or someone might put a jihad on us here at BMBS.
Second Runner-up:
"WTOC's Dawn Baker wears pretty purple suits. You go, girl."
- There’s been a rash of these lately. They all stem from a remark someone made a few weeks back about Jody Chapin’s hair looking “tussled” one evening. I didn’t pay it much attention at the time, but it brought about a smorgasbord of dumb comments. Anyway… you go on, Dawn Baker, wich-yo’ bad self!
First Runner-up:
"During the last storm, our newspaper was so wet my husband put it in the oven to dry. He almost burned the house down, and I had to borrow a paper from a neighbor so we could read it."
- You and your husband are completely retarded. I’m glad I’m not your neighbor. Can’t you just get off your lazy asses and get the paper if it’s getting rained on? No, because it has to be someone else’s fault. There has to be someone else to blame for the thunderstorm, the soggy paper, your idiot husband, and the fire that almost consumed your house. Next time, just stick your head in the oven.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Nobody don't care nothing about Jody Chapin's hair. I don't even watch the news."
- Simply stunning. My grammar checker went nuts with this one. This came out on Tuesday and I immediately knew I had a winner. Just look at it. Read it again. With the blatant ignorance and poor grammar, this is not just any gem; this is a diamond. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the first nominee for Gem of the Year.
Happy Friday, everyone.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Blinner
I have to tell you, today's been a pretty good day. The Braves signed Bob Wickman through 2007. The Office and Survivor are coming on tonight. There's a giant hole in the Map Library across the street where some lush accordioned his car right through the brick wall (wood slats were put up post-crash).
But the best news may also be the worst news...for our guts. Looks like every red-blooded American's dream is coming true: McDonald's is on the verge of making its breakfast menu available all day long. No more sucking up and having to deal with those foul little onions on hamburgers at 10:35 am. And Krystal is shaking in its boots knowing that the late-night college drunks will take a sausage-egg-& cheese McGriddle over a chili cheese Krystal in a blocked-up heartbeat.
SMN: Letter to the Editor 9/21/06
This was run in today's edition of the Savannah Morning News.
Little difference between Dems and GOP 'RINOs'
I am a conservative who is disappointed with Congress' performance. What happened to fiscal responsibility and less government? Is controlling borders and illegal immigration incongruent with conservative ideology?
With elections coming up, what is a conservative to do? The candidates offered by the Republicans represent my views in word, but in action do the opposite; the candidates offered by the Democrats do not represent my views. If there was a valid third party I would vote for it.
Many conservatives will stay home and not vote, but since turnout is low already the message sent may be misunderstood. If you are frustrated and want to send a message, then do it. Go to the polls and in the "write in" box vote for "true conservative." The message will be clear and either the Republicans will respond or a third party will fill the void.
The argument against this is that Democrats could control Congress. While this has merit, we must ask ourselves what is the difference between Republicans in Name Only (RINOs) and Democrats?
Answer? Not much.
JERRY BRADDY
Savannah
Little difference between Dems and GOP 'RINOs'
I am a conservative who is disappointed with Congress' performance. What happened to fiscal responsibility and less government? Is controlling borders and illegal immigration incongruent with conservative ideology?
With elections coming up, what is a conservative to do? The candidates offered by the Republicans represent my views in word, but in action do the opposite; the candidates offered by the Democrats do not represent my views. If there was a valid third party I would vote for it.
Many conservatives will stay home and not vote, but since turnout is low already the message sent may be misunderstood. If you are frustrated and want to send a message, then do it. Go to the polls and in the "write in" box vote for "true conservative." The message will be clear and either the Republicans will respond or a third party will fill the void.
The argument against this is that Democrats could control Congress. While this has merit, we must ask ourselves what is the difference between Republicans in Name Only (RINOs) and Democrats?
Answer? Not much.
JERRY BRADDY
Savannah
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Sooner Blues
If any of you have watched ESPN, read sports websites, or listened to sports radio since this weekend, you know all about the Oregon-Oklahoma debacle. I'm really burned out on it, which I know is my fault, since I could easily turn the channel or not read about it. But I do spend quite a lot of time on the internet at work and with ESPN on at home, and after the constant bombardment, I have come to my own semi-informed solution to this problem.
First, I realize that if this call had been made against Georgia, I would also be an angry fan. Maybe I'd even find the ref's phone number and threaten to kill his family, since college football is that serious. While I was watching that choch of a show, Around the Horn, I heard ol' Granddaddy Choch himself - Woody Paige - make a sad, yet accurate statement. He said instead of just suspending the refs or erasing the game from OU's record, the voters should reward Oklahoma and bump them up in the poll. I guess that's fair, since the completely subjective and meaningless system will take OU to a bowl game that means nothing anyway.
But my main problem is with the coach whining about how his team didn't get to feel the accomplishment of victory. Hey, if your team were really that deserving of the win, they would have scored at least another touchdown or field goal before that kick.
First, I realize that if this call had been made against Georgia, I would also be an angry fan. Maybe I'd even find the ref's phone number and threaten to kill his family, since college football is that serious. While I was watching that choch of a show, Around the Horn, I heard ol' Granddaddy Choch himself - Woody Paige - make a sad, yet accurate statement. He said instead of just suspending the refs or erasing the game from OU's record, the voters should reward Oklahoma and bump them up in the poll. I guess that's fair, since the completely subjective and meaningless system will take OU to a bowl game that means nothing anyway.
But my main problem is with the coach whining about how his team didn't get to feel the accomplishment of victory. Hey, if your team were really that deserving of the win, they would have scored at least another touchdown or field goal before that kick.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Pope asked to convert to Islam
Tripoli - The elder son of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi has called on Pope Benedict XVI to convert to Islam immediately, dismissing last week's apology from the pontiff for offending Muslims.
"If this person were really someone reasonable, he would not agree to remain at his post one minute, but would convert to Islam immediately," Mohammed Gaddafi told an awards ceremony on Monday evening for an international competition to memorise the Qur'an.
"We say to the pope - whether you apologise or not is irrelevant, as apologies make no difference to us."
Gaddafi junior also hit out at "those Muslims who look for comfort in the words of a non-Muslim".
He said Muslims "should not look for charity from the infidel... but should fight Islam's enemies who attack the faith and the Prophet Muhammad".
Sounds reasonable enough to me.
"If this person were really someone reasonable, he would not agree to remain at his post one minute, but would convert to Islam immediately," Mohammed Gaddafi told an awards ceremony on Monday evening for an international competition to memorise the Qur'an.
"We say to the pope - whether you apologise or not is irrelevant, as apologies make no difference to us."
Gaddafi junior also hit out at "those Muslims who look for comfort in the words of a non-Muslim".
He said Muslims "should not look for charity from the infidel... but should fight Islam's enemies who attack the faith and the Prophet Muhammad".
Sounds reasonable enough to me.
No ID? No Problem!
This comes dangerously close to being a political post by me, which we all know would be almost as credible as when Stephen pops off about how Catholics should behave. I just wanted to get everyone's take on the judge voiding the law that would require people in Georgia to have photo identification when they vote.
My favorite argument against the law is that it "disenfranchises poor, elderly and minority voters who are less likely to have a driver's license or other valid government-issued photo ID." Ah, yes, the same crowd who vote for people like this judge to ensure their leech-like lifestyle is supported by such mealy-mouthed, soulless politicking.
My favorite argument against the law is that it "disenfranchises poor, elderly and minority voters who are less likely to have a driver's license or other valid government-issued photo ID." Ah, yes, the same crowd who vote for people like this judge to ensure their leech-like lifestyle is supported by such mealy-mouthed, soulless politicking.
Monday, September 18, 2006
We Are At War
Just to expand on Michael's earlier post, here's a partial list of all that has happened over the last 2 days in response to the Pope's statements. Hat tip to Larry Kudlow's blog, from which I am copying all of this:
- Islamic gunmen murdered an Italian nun as she walked home from the children's hospital where she worked in Mogadishu. A leading Islamic cleric in the Somali capital told worshippers at a mosque that, “Whoever offends our Prophet Mohammed should be killed on the spot by the nearest Muslim.”
- Islamic protestors have set fire to Christian churches (at least 7 so far). A group calling itself the Islamic Organization of the Swords of Righteousness attacked the oldest church in Gaza City with gunfire and a grenade. In the West Bank, gunmen threw Molotov cocktails at four churches of different denominations. Gunmen opened fire inside an empty Catholic church after the building's entrance door was burnt down.
- Protestors have burnt German, American and Israeli flags in the streets, and called Pope Benedict XVI “Hitler” while torching his effigy.
- Outside of Westminster Cathedral in London, an Islamic extremist leader told a demonstration that the Pope should face execution. He added, "Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment." (This is the same guy who organized demonstrations against the publication of Danish cartoons of Mohammed where Muslim protesters carried signs declaring "Behead Those Who Insult Islam".)
- The Mujahideen Shura Council (an Al-Qaeda group), released a statement saying "[The Pope] and the West are doomed as you can see from the defeat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya and elsewhere. ... We will break up the cross, spill the liquor and impose head tax, then the only thing acceptable is a conversion (to Islam) or (killed by) the sword."
Religion of Peace.
- Islamic gunmen murdered an Italian nun as she walked home from the children's hospital where she worked in Mogadishu. A leading Islamic cleric in the Somali capital told worshippers at a mosque that, “Whoever offends our Prophet Mohammed should be killed on the spot by the nearest Muslim.”
- Islamic protestors have set fire to Christian churches (at least 7 so far). A group calling itself the Islamic Organization of the Swords of Righteousness attacked the oldest church in Gaza City with gunfire and a grenade. In the West Bank, gunmen threw Molotov cocktails at four churches of different denominations. Gunmen opened fire inside an empty Catholic church after the building's entrance door was burnt down.
- Protestors have burnt German, American and Israeli flags in the streets, and called Pope Benedict XVI “Hitler” while torching his effigy.
- Outside of Westminster Cathedral in London, an Islamic extremist leader told a demonstration that the Pope should face execution. He added, "Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment." (This is the same guy who organized demonstrations against the publication of Danish cartoons of Mohammed where Muslim protesters carried signs declaring "Behead Those Who Insult Islam".)
- The Mujahideen Shura Council (an Al-Qaeda group), released a statement saying "[The Pope] and the West are doomed as you can see from the defeat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya and elsewhere. ... We will break up the cross, spill the liquor and impose head tax, then the only thing acceptable is a conversion (to Islam) or (killed by) the sword."
Religion of Peace.
Wow, what a bunch of fucking hypocrites
First they get pissed when the pope quotes a 14th century emperor.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached," Benedict quoted.
Then muslims get pissed at this and say:
"We tell the worshipper of the cross (the Pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya," said an Internet statement by the Mujahideen Shura Council, an umbrella group led by Iraq's branch of al Qaeda, according to the Reuters news agency.
"We shall break the cross and spill the wine. ... God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome. ... God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen," said the statement.
Ok, so you get pissed when someone says you try to spread your ideas by killing people by... saying you will kill people. Instead of apologizing, the pope should have just said thanks for having his point made.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached," Benedict quoted.
Then muslims get pissed at this and say:
"We tell the worshipper of the cross (the Pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya," said an Internet statement by the Mujahideen Shura Council, an umbrella group led by Iraq's branch of al Qaeda, according to the Reuters news agency.
"We shall break the cross and spill the wine. ... God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome. ... God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen," said the statement.
Ok, so you get pissed when someone says you try to spread your ideas by killing people by... saying you will kill people. Instead of apologizing, the pope should have just said thanks for having his point made.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
We're Number Seven!
One of the many great things about going to school here is being able to enjoy that initial month-long period in the season where we slowly climb the top 10 while the other good teams kill each other off. This period almost always comes to an end in mid-to late October, so let's enjoy it while we can.
Anyway, as a tribute to Erk Russell, check out this clip from the late 70s of James Brown's halftime performance at the Gator Bowl with the Redcoat Band.
Anyway, as a tribute to Erk Russell, check out this clip from the late 70s of James Brown's halftime performance at the Gator Bowl with the Redcoat Band.
"Mr. Conservative"
Tomorrow night at 9, HBO is airing a documentary on Barry Goldwater, the most influential losing presidential candidate of the 20th century. His libertarian ideas are sorely missed today. Check out the preview here.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Today is the 2nd best day of the year!
That's right BMBS, today is the half way point to St. Patrick's day! Only six more months until Will falls into another azalea bush. I know Mayor Ottis just can't wait!
To mark this glorious occasion, a few members of the BMBS nation will retrace their annual steps down the parade route. After a long of day of drinking Miller Lite, eating ham sandwiches, and watching college football, what better way to top off the night than to make that exhilarating turn off of Bay and onto Bull for the home stretch. All are welcome to join.
Disclaimer:
Crackers are NOT allowed to join in this momentous memorial procession. (A Cracker; One not having Savannah roots, not Roman Catholic, or whose first name is not one of a Christian Saint. Ex; Caleb, Taylor, Kyle, McWhorter, et al.)
Friday, September 15, 2006
10 Weeks of Hell, Episode #2
SMN reports that Groves and BC will "try to avoid a nailbiter" tonight. That won't be a problem.
Prediction:
Groves - 34
BC - 14
Only 9 more weeks left!!
Prediction:
Groves - 34
BC - 14
Only 9 more weeks left!!
Vox Populi: Gems of the Week
I had to dig for these. Are the Voxians getting smarter? Doubtful. Here's the Gems of the Week!
Dishonorable Mention:
"Why is it the people too cheap to have an answering machine are always the ones getting involved in church, business and community activities? People must call them endlessly, only to find no one home. Please have some consideration for your fellow human beings."
- I hate this person.
Third Runner-up:
"My five brothers and myself were all given the paddle back in high school, and we turned out okay."
- Maybe you didn’t turn out as okay as you think. The proper way to say or write that phrase is, “my five brothers and I.” Let it be said that BMBS supports both good grammar and paddling in schools.
Second Runner-up:
"This morning my newspaper was so squashed and wrinkled, I had to get the ironing board out just to read it."
- Ironing the newspaper?! How ruthlessly absurd! That’s just plain ridiculous! You don’t iron newspapers, you iron clothes! You’re crazy!
First Runner-up:
Everyone wants to blame fast-food restaurants for kids being obese. I think it is all those sugary cereals they eat.”
- Yeah, your kid weighs 300 pounds and it’s all Count Chocula’s fault. Kids are fat these days because no one makes them go outside. They just sit in front of an Xbox all day and dip their fat little fingers in ranch dressing. Go outside, fatty.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Regarding the videotape trying to urge Americans to convert to Islam, I am an American menopausal woman, and I will not wear a burka for any man or religion."
- Ew. You could’ve just said you were an older woman, but you went the extra mile there. Gross.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Why is it the people too cheap to have an answering machine are always the ones getting involved in church, business and community activities? People must call them endlessly, only to find no one home. Please have some consideration for your fellow human beings."
- I hate this person.
Third Runner-up:
"My five brothers and myself were all given the paddle back in high school, and we turned out okay."
- Maybe you didn’t turn out as okay as you think. The proper way to say or write that phrase is, “my five brothers and I.” Let it be said that BMBS supports both good grammar and paddling in schools.
Second Runner-up:
"This morning my newspaper was so squashed and wrinkled, I had to get the ironing board out just to read it."
- Ironing the newspaper?! How ruthlessly absurd! That’s just plain ridiculous! You don’t iron newspapers, you iron clothes! You’re crazy!
First Runner-up:
Everyone wants to blame fast-food restaurants for kids being obese. I think it is all those sugary cereals they eat.”
- Yeah, your kid weighs 300 pounds and it’s all Count Chocula’s fault. Kids are fat these days because no one makes them go outside. They just sit in front of an Xbox all day and dip their fat little fingers in ranch dressing. Go outside, fatty.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Regarding the videotape trying to urge Americans to convert to Islam, I am an American menopausal woman, and I will not wear a burka for any man or religion."
- Ew. You could’ve just said you were an older woman, but you went the extra mile there. Gross.
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