If you confuse a four-leaf clover for a shamrock...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you paint/dye any part of your body green...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you think Wet Willie's is the place to be...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you purchase anything from a street vendor...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you choose Destin over Savannah...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you do not wear your Sunday best...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you do wear a t-shirt that says Patrick was a saint; I ain't...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you are a member of the Irish Drinking Team...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you don't know it's St. Patrick's Day...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you got River faced on Shit Street...you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
4 comments:
Alright Jeff Foxworthy. I am surprised you didn't have anything about beads and showing tits.
If you take a liquor drink from a homeless bum in Chippewa Square... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you wear a 3/4 length t-shirt... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If your mouth waters over the thought of eating turkey legs on River Street... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you do the one armed, ring-o-round-the-rosie dance on the side of the parade route with a random person... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
If you don't know who wrote the song that starts off "It's St. Patrick's Day in Savannah! All the boys..." you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day.
I you don't know who "Bobby the Button Man"'s offical sponsor is... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day
If its your first time to Savannah... you might be a cracker on St. Patrick's Day... even if you are from Ireland.
The beads are covered under "If you buy anything from a street vendor..." And flashing your tits is cool.
I just found this. I wanted to make a post, but it is way too long. Enjoy.
The 99 Rules of Savannah
1. Call it "The Book." You read it once. Years ago. Got it?
2. Parking Services is very, very efficient. Don't test them.
3. Refer to Georgetown as "north Jacksonville."
4. Adore The Landings for its tax base but resent the fact that it's gated.
5. When asked about the estimated completion date of Truman Parkway, laugh.
6. On Tuesdays, go back and forth from J.J. Cagney's to Savannah Blues. Cagney's has a better open-mike night, but the bartender at Savannah Blues is prettier.
7. Say you voted for Floyd even if you didn't.
8. Say you watch Doug Weathers even if you don't.
9. On St. Patrick's Day, don't count on parking north of, say, DeRenne Avenue.
10. Leave the Spanish moss alone.
11. Perpetuate the myth that Victory Drive has the longest line of palm trees in the world.
12. If a tourist asks what that rank odor in the air is, say it's the smell of money.
13. Yield when entering a square.
14. Jack Kingston is going to be a U.S. representative for a long time. Get used to the idea.
15. No more than five cars can squeeze through a yellow light. Remember that.
16. Emphasize "East" or "West" when giving your address to a pizza delivery place.
17. You may own one image of Mercer House, but you must hide it when locals visit.
18. Insist that you supported the Hutchinson Island development all along.
19. Wear Savannah Sand Gnats clothing, but go to the games only to see Running Toilet Person.
20. If you're a banker, go to the Downtown Athletic Club; if you're a bodybuilder go to Howard's Gym; if you're a soccer mom, go to the Islands Y.
21. See The Lady Chablis perform once. Once.
22. Always order sweet tea.
23. Dwell on how boring the drive is every time you have to travel I-16 to Macon.
24. Know who Johnny Mercer was. Be able to name at least five of his songs and to sing at least three.
25. Never call it "The Talmadge Bridge."
26. Politely peruse the menu at Johnny Harris but order the barbecue.
27. Remember that Vinnie Van Go-Go's does not take checks.
28. To find out what's in tomorrow's paper, grill the journalists who hang out at Pinkie Master's.
29. Don't take Waters Avenue in a rainstorm. It is named that for a reason.
30. Don't take Price thinking that its lights are better synchronized than Whitaker's. They're not.
31. Eat breakfast at The Breakfast Club on Tybee and Sunday brunch at 3*2*1 Cafe.
32. Be ready to answer the question "Paper or plastic?" at Publix. Kroger assumes you want plastic.
33. Do not speed through Bluffton, S.C. Ever.
34. If asked to define "Abercorn," say it is an ancient Indian word meaning "traffic light every 50 feet."
35. You're going to be asked eventually, so know that Forrest Gump's bench was removed from Chippewa Square after filming was completed.
36. Be prepared for the fact that no one in this city thinks they're too fat to wear Spandex.
37. Take a stand on issues, especially those you know nothing about. Call Vox Populi with your opinions.
38. Move to the islands knowing that you will be miles away from the closest movie theater. You don't want one out there anyway because then you'd have to find something else to gripe about.
39. Dislike Charleston.
40. Denounce the wholesale destruction of the urban forest, but shop at the shopping strips that go up anyway.
41. "Turn signal." Act like you've never heard the term.
42. Wish you lived at Isle of Hope.
43. Know who John Rousakis is.
44. The correct reaction is to look shocked and say, "A racetrack, you say? On Hutchinson Island?"
45. If you live southside, your out-of-town guests will want to spend all of their time downtown; if you live downtown, your out-of-town guests will want to spend all of their time at the malls. See for yourself.
46. Be aware that there is an East Broad Street but no longer a West Broad Street.
47. Keep a supply of Skin So Soft handy.
48. Thank goodness for SCAD abandoning its "Thank goodness for SCAD" campaign.
49. Understand that the person in line in front of you at Wal-Mart is going to need a price check.
50. The Falcons had a good year, therefore you are a lifelong Falcons fan. If the Falcons have a bad season next year, you are a lifelong Jaguars fan.
51. The rest of the world calls it "the Civil War"; you call it "The War of Northern Aggression" or "The Recent Unpleasantness."
52. When GAM plays at Velvet Elvis, go!
53. Support local business: Buy a Gulfstream V.
54. Respect people such as W.W. Law, Otis Johnson, Diane Lesko and Tom Kohler.
55. The St. Patrick's Day Parade Committee is trying to sign up more entries that reflect the true meaning of the holiday. Therefore, look for line-dancers, Klingons and the local Dalmatian owners' association among the marchers.
56. Contrary to popular opinion, most Savannahians do not know how to concoct a mint julep. Many do, however, make a mean martini. Opt for the martini.
57. Re: Appomattox. You can still hold a grudge.
58. Savannah audiences hate modern dance. Modern dance is anything written since Tchaikovsky died.
59. Residents of Savannah are called "Savannahians." You find the word odious.
60. It's not "Piggly Wiggly," it's "The Pig."
61. It's Elizabeth on 37th Street, not Elizabeth's on 37th Street. When someone offers to take you out to dinner, go there.
62. Say you're close personal friends with everyone in The Book -- but add that you don't know any gay people.
63. Remember that East Liberty Street becomes Wheaton Street becomes Skidaway Road.
64. You're not supposed to cut through Hunter Army Airfield or Savannah State University. But so what?
65. You do not need to know for whom Sallie Mood Drive and J.O. Bacon Highway are named. Oglethorpe Avenue is another matter.
66. Krispy Kreme on Skidaway Road is open 24 hours on weekends. Go there a lot.
67. To hit I-95 north, take U.S. 17 to Hardeeville and get on the interstate there.
68. Don't be surprised at anything state Sen. Eric Johnson says or does.
69. Ladies, there is no such thing as too much hair spray.
70. Men, there is no such thing as a bad toupee.
71. Do not expect to be seated quickly for lunch at Debi's or The Lady & Sons.
72. There used to be a Spanky's near Oglethorpe Mall. It burned down. Mourn its passing.
73. Unless you want to stand out, wear your wet bathing suit to Fannie's Beachside.
74. Most movie stars who come to Savannah stay at the Kehoe House. Do not go to the Thunderbird Inn hoping to catch a glimpse of Tom Hanks or Demi Moore.
75. Tourists spend hundreds of millions of dollars in Savannah every year. Treat them with impatience and disdain.
76. You may use the word "Yankee." It is not necessarily a derogatory term down here. Neither is "good ole boy."
77. Drive slowly through Habersham Woods on Saturdays.
78. Media Play stocks CDs by local bands. Thank them.
79. Natalie Hendrix is the news anchor of WJCL. There is no other reason to watch WJCL news, even if it is "live, local and late-breaking."
80. There is talk of tearing down the City Market parking garage. Support that cause.
81. If you were born in Savannah, say you're "from" here. If you moved to Savannah, say you "live" here.
82. A ride on a public bus costs 75 cents. If you pay with a $1 bill, do not expect change.
83. If you're picking up someone from the airport and they're flying Delta, call to see if the flight is on time.
84. Go to the north beach, south beach or the Back River. Go to the main beach only to walk on the pier or find a date.
85. Girl Scouts founder Juliette Gordon Low is buried in Laurel Grove Cemetery. Take your mother there.
86. Symphony conductor Phillip Greenberg knows he's short and needs a haircut. Don't remind him of it.
87. When flying to Miami or the Caribbean, it's worth it to drive to the Jacksonville airport and fly out of there.
88. The Tara Cinema closed recently. Be sad.
89. Do not order a dessert at Semolina's. It'll be too big and you won't be able to finish it.
90. Leaving The Penny Saver on your lawn will not stop the carrier from throwing you another one next week.
91. You don't have to move your car for the street sweepers. Just for the ticket truck that follows five minutes later.
92. Go to the downtown Crystal Beer Parlor -- not the southside one.
93. When asked if Lake Mayer has alligators, answer, "Of course. That's why there are so many one-legged ducks."
94. Bored with your career? Get a real estate license. Everyone else does.
95. The signs say, "Veterans Parkway." You say, "Southwest Bypass."
96. River House Seafood claims its pecan pies are "world famous." Call someone you know in Laos and see if it's true.
97. Jim Williams was right. It's the "riche" that matters.
98. Complain. About anything.
99. Call it "The Movie." You saw it once. It seemed to last years. Got it?
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