Braves Update

If you have any self-respect, you are curious as to what has been happening with your Atlanta Braves since the season ended. Never fear, for I am here for you.

Rafael "Fookie" Furcal = gone. The Dodgers got a new GM who is spending the big bucks, and in the case of the ol' Buckhead Booze Bandit, he shat out a wee too much. Catfish Face wanted to stay where he has been his first five years of his career, but the Dodgers are getting serious about building a good team this year.

Edgar Renteria - our new shortstop. We completely ripped off the Red Sox by getting this All Star in exchange for a prospect. This prospect, Andy Marte, has been hyped up a lot, but he could only play third base, and Chipper isn't going anywhere. In fact, Chipper volunteered, for the second year in a row, to reduce his salary so that we could spend more money elsewhere. Renteria didn't have a great year for Boston, but they gave up on him too easily. They just lost Johnny Damon to the Yankees, so next year they will be as worthless as TC trying to get muscle definition from his workouts.

Dan Kolb, the worthless sack who ruined many games and John Smoltz's 2005 win count, got his ass shipped back to Milwaukee. To further prove how bad we wanted to get rid of him: the pitcher we got in exchange wasn't even offered a contract by the Braves.

The Braves are up for sale. Hopefully we will get a human owner; anything would be better than being owned by some faceless corporation who could care less about winning as long as there is profit being made. A bigger budget would be great, but the White Sox won this year with $70 million - 10 million less than what we have now.

Now our biggest issue is getting a closer. They are seriously considering trying Reitsma as the full-time guy, but if you're like me, you'd rather see Ms. Dolan up on the mound. Beware the Jane Train.