I Hate Lance Armstrong

Some great news today - this smug jackass:

will not be coming out of retirement anymore.

"I'm happy with the way my career went and ended and I'm not coming back."

Good. Stay gone. I'll be so happy never to see him smirk at the cameras, counting his wins on his fingers like the humble soul he is. He didn't beat cancer - his doctors did. "Live Strong"... by riding a bicycle a lot and getting completely undeserved attention for it.

"Sitting here today, dealing with all this stuff again, knowing if I were to go back, there's no way I could get a fair shake -- on the roadside, in doping control, or the labs."

I don't buy this conspiracy theory BS for a second. In fact, it makes me want to believe the claims against him even more. Yeah, some evil bad guys are going to get away with tainting your results since you're the most unfairly popular "athlete" in sports. It's so appropriate that he married Sheryl Crow - another no-talent hack who got famous in her field for no reason at all. Maybe she should get cancer so she can have another hit again, because it's not going to happen otherwise.

Will's Lock of the Week

I learned a valuable life lesson last week. Always stick to your guns. After initially taking Notre Dame as my lock, I changed my mind at the last minute and went with TCU. Well, the Horned Frog got slapped around by SMU, dropping me back to .500.

Record: 1-1

This week's lock:

Connecticut
@
Georgia Tech -15

You're thinking that I'm going to tell you to take the Huskies, right? I know you are. I mean, Tech is possibly the worst team at covering when they are the favorite. That may have been the Tech of years past but these are the Jackets of right about now the funk soul brothers BOOYA! UConn's QB is making his first start on the road. Call me crazy, but I like the Jackets by 18.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys. Whatchya gonna do?

After another fruitful night at the library, I decided to pedal my candy apple red bike home, via Broad St. and Milledge Ave. I left school at 11:00 p.m., hardly any traffic about. As I briskly made it to Milledge, I started to coast down the suicide lane heading towards Baxter St. No cars in sight. What's this? I hear what seems like a Crown Victoria accelerating up behind me. As I am trying to make room for the car to pass, blue lights flicker about... signaling me to pull over. Like any car would do when being pulled over by the cops, I slowed down and turned off the road.
The officer told me to slowly get off my bike, keeping my hands where he can see them. After I put my bike on the sidewalk, I began to pull off my bookbag. The officer got real excited and said "Halt! What sort of parcels are in your bag?" I explained to him that I was on my way home from the library, so of course I was carrying only books. Not only was I wearing seer suckered shorts, but Athens is home to 10,000 other students who frequently ride bikes with bookbags. What else would I be carrying?
He requested my ID, then very systematically inspected my speed demon bike. At that point, I still believed that I had been pulled over for riding in the suicide lane. Nope, the officer explained to me that I did not have "sufficient equipment" on my bike. I said, "oh, so I need to have more reflectors on my bike?" The officer answered "No, you must have electric lights on both the front and back of your vehicle, sir."
Well, he only gave me a warning. The cop wasted our tax dollars on pulling over a college kid riding a bike home. Could I really unsuspectedly run over an old lady at 11:00 pm with my vicious mountain bike? What an asshole.
Think about it, there were at least 2,000 kids last night walking into bars with fake ids, and this f%#$@* decides to pull a bicycler over on Milledge... for a warning.

I Hate Phillies Fans

I despise Philadelphia Phillies fans. What a group of lowlife trashbags. They try to ride the "Hey, I'm a blue-collar worker who has long days on the job, so when I pay to see you play, you better not screw up or I'll boo your ass" excuse. Keep your frustrations to yourself and for putting more holes in your apartment's walls and stay away from the ballpark.

A baseball game should be a place where you can sit and enjoy a leisurely-paced sport, drink cold beer, and keep your kids away from "Date My Mom" and "Room Raiders." You should never have to worry about some flabby, red-faced alcoholic liberal cussing his lungs out in front of your kids at a baseball game. Why do decent people have to suffer through ugly middle-agers pissed off that they live in a vile city with complete jokes for sports teams?

At least we can be satisfied knowing that Northeasterners unknowingly participate in a telling metaphor: When "fans" of the Phillies, Red Sox, and Yankees boo their own teams, they are expressing their utter contempt for their own lack of culture and worth in their own lives.

The 13 Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen

These are the 13 worst movies that I have ever seen. I would write some little rant about each one, but they mostly speak for themselves. Feel free to comment or add some of your own; the only qualification is that you list movies that you have watched all the way through.

And no, just because Saving Private Ryan is a war movie that plays to your emotions about dead soldiers does not make it a good movie.

13. Urban Legend
12. Finding Nemo
11. Bringing Down The House
10. The Fast and the Furious 1 and 2
9. Blue Crush
8. Lemon Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
7. Hero
6. Wes Craven's New Nightmare
5. Saving Private Ryan
4. I Heart Huckabees
3. The Matrix Revolutions
2. Mystic River
1. Charlie's Angels 1 and 2

Trap Games

This weekend's slate presents some scary matchups for a few BMBS-supported teams.

Effingham Co. @ Benedictine
The Rebels are 0-2 with losses to pretty good teams in South Effingham and Screven County. BC is 3-1 and feeling pretty good about themselves right now. Effingham is licking their chops at the opportunity to beat up on the city boys from Savannah. The Cadets may also be looking ahead to next week's crucial sub-region showdown with South Effingham. Another interesting sub-plot is Coach Munch's decision to leave BC for Springfield. But wait, there's more! Munch's replacement, Buddy Sorrow, has coached at Effingham in the past. Finally, I've held a personal grudge against the Rebels ever since that redneck sucker-punched Mark at the '94 game in Springfield. A classic Catholics vs. Crackers battle.

Connecticut @ Georgia Tech
I know. Tech shouldn't be concerned with a game against UConn. But the Huskies are good and will make the Jackets sweat. Tech travels to Blacksburg next week for a game which might decide the Coastal Division of the ACC. And, as we all know, Chan Gailey isn't the best at motivating his teams for games like this (cite '04 UNC, '03 Duke).

Michigan St. @ Notre Dame
The Golden Domers are on cloud-9 after taming the Skunkbears in the Big House. MSU's Drew Stanton is the best QB the Irish have faced so far this season. I still think the secondary is playing above their abilities and will come back down sooner or later. And since this is the home opener, emotions will be sky high on the ND sideline. This could lead to mental lapses early on. I predicted a shoot-out last week and was dead wrong but I'll do it again. Just please do not wear the green jerseys!

Revised Lock of the Week

In light of Pitt's overtime loss to Ohio (not Ohio State) last night, I feel a lot less confident about the Irish. Therefore I have decided to change my Lock of the Week.

TCU -14.5
@
SMU

The Horned Frogs may still be celebrating their upset of Oklahoma but they should have no problem with SMU. The Mustangs lost at home to Baylor by 5 points last weekend. Enough said.
TCU by 24.

One more thing on Katrina.

Just kidding. But check out the array of boat shoes offered at Nordstrom. And they all cost around $50! I perfer the blue myself.

Let's Beat a Dead Horse

Here is another good article on the Katrina deal. It touches on a lot of the things we have been saying the last week, and it actually uses the phrase "welfare parasites".
http://tiadaily.com/php-bin/news/showArticle.php?id=1026

Braves Bits - if you will

If you haven't seen any Braves games lately, there's a group of about 6 guys and girls who dress up in hot dog suits and hold up a sign declaring themselves "Francoeur's Franks." They go nuts every time he does something.

Though I didn't come up with these, I figured it was worth sharing. I found these suggestions on a message board:

Chipper's Strippers
Orr's Whores

Also, thanks to the message board, I now have realized that every single time the camera cuts to the bullpen, reliever John Foster walks out of the lounge door. I noticed it subconsciously before, but now I know he does it on purpose. He watches the game on the TV in there and as soon as they show the bullpen, he bursts through the door and plays with his belt. This is comic genius and gives you something to look for in those late innings.

Sorry, Still More on Katrina

Even Europeans are jumping in now and accusing Americans of not caring enough about their own poor/minorities, saying that is the reason why so many have died in New Orleans. Evil, greedy, capitalist American pigs (like me) care more about tax cuts instead of providing public goods like national health care, they reason, and it is this conservative/libertarian attitude that is truly responsible for the tragedy.

Nevermind the fact that a category 5 hurricane hit a below sea-level city of over a million where 2/3rds of the population already happens to be black.

I hate to keep linking the same blog, but these econ professors at George Mason Univ. are flat-out brilliant. All of you should read this blog everyday. Today, they point out how socialist France, with its supposedly perfect, generous universal health-care system, couldn't even keep 15,000 of its own citizens from dying during a short heat wave in the Summer of '03 (I was in the U.K. at the time).

Why Spurrier Hates Georgia

I hope all of you knew I was being sarcastic with yesterday's post.

Here's two stories, one in Charleston's paper, the other in Columbia's, explaining exactly what turned Spurrier to the dark side.

Many of you already know what it is, but I just felt like posting it anyway.

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to....suffering." And the Gamecocks WILL suffer on Saturday.

Will's Lock of the Week

I started the season off on the right foot last week, as Boston College coasted to an easy 20-3 victory over BYU.

Record: 1-0

This week's lock:

Notre Dame
@
Michigan -7

Charlie and the Touchdown Factory roll into Ann Arbor this weekend for a classic battle between these two hated rivals. Last year, Darius Walker ran wild over the Wolverines as Notre Dame stunned the nation by upsetting Michigan 28-20 in Southbend. This year's matchup looks to be a shootout with the winner most likely being the last team to have the ball.

Take the Irish. Seven points is far too many to give up to a team that can score like ND. Hell, go ahead and take the Irish to win. Notre Dame will shutdown the run and force Michigan to become one-dimmesional. Only problem is, the Irish secondary is still suspect, despite their performance against Pitt. Behind a superior OL, Notre Dame will be able to run the ball effectively. The "thunder and lightning" combo of Walker and Rashon Powers-Neal won't dominate, but will force Michigan's defense to respect the run, allowing Brady Quinn to put up big numbers.

The Irish steal one in Ann Arbor by 6 points and Brady Quinn is catapulted into the thick of the Heisman race.

Steve Spurrier: Nice Guy

He's real laid back now...you'd like him a lot. Read this AJC interview, for example. Carolina is currently a 16.5-point underdog for Saturday. Don't get me wrong, my blood runs red and black, but I'm not taking this bet.

New Orleans and Katrina: Part Deux

Here's another article on the chaos of New Orleans. This time the main culprate of the troubles is our country's out of control welfare system.
"What Hurricane Katrina exposed was the psychological consequences of the welfare state. What we consider "normal" behavior in an emergency is behavior that is normal for people who have values and take the responsibility to pursue and protect them. People with values respond to a disaster by fighting against it and doing whatever it takes to overcome the difficulties they face. They don't sit around and complain that the government hasn't taken care of them. And they don't use the chaos of a disaster as an opportunity to prey on their fellow men."

FINALLY!

Read about it here.

New Orleans and Katrina

I won't go into detail about the hurricane and its destruction. We have all watched the devastation unravel on Fox News since late Sunday night. The flooding and damage can all be repaired with time, but something worse is happened there. Today, I heard reports of armed gangs of looters and thugs running the neighborhoods of New Orleans. Reports of police men either going AWOL or taking part in looting itself, beatings of refugees, shoots being fired at rescue attempts, and even raping of children has been reported. This reminds of Lord of the Flies. What would posses these punks to behave the way they are? I happened to stumble upon this article that tries to answer such a question. After reading it, the New Orleans catastrophe was started years before Katrina ever thought of making landfall.

Target Destination; Jordan- Hare Stadium

The Boat Shoes will arrive in Auburn on Saturday, September 3rd at 5:00 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will commence the dangerous switch from beer to bourbon at 5:05 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will feast on barbecue and fried chicken at 5:10 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will say something extremely embarrassing at 6:30 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will enter Jordan-Hare stadium at 7:30 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will pull out the secret weapon, a tasty flask, at 8:30 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will be starving 10:45 p.m. central time.
The Boat Shoes will go into a coma at 11:00 p.m. central time.

Will's Lock of the Week

College football is finally here and I'm more excited than Dennis Rodman at a Clinique sale! BOOYAH! This is the first in a weekly installment that will span the entire season. Feel free to respond with your thoughts or your own lock of the week.

Boston College -2.5
@ BYU

I honestly have no idea why this line is so low. The only possible explanation is that Vegas is banking on BC laying an egg in Provo like their Catholic cousins did last year. With a new coach and a return to the Ty Detmer uniforms, the Mormons will be sky high for this game. But in my book, you gotta get to White Castle before the weirdos show up! The Eagles physical, smashmouth style will allow them to grind out an easy win. BC by 13.

Disclaimer: This post is intended for discussion only and does not endorse betting or gambling. The author is not responsible for any losses incurred by using this information. However, donations are gladly accepted from all gains.

"The Fighting Irish" No, really.

Cork's Brendan O'Sullivan in a skirmish with Kerry's Seamus Moynihan just before the end of the first half of the All-Ireland senior football semi final at Croke Park yesterday. Apparently, Brendan proceeded to gauge Seamus' eye out when the Kerry man threatened to steal the Cork man's lucky charms. I propose that these two fine athletes be our first speakers at our annual St. Patrick's Day breakfast. I had the honor of attending a hurling match at Croke park during my stay one month ago. During the game, I could faintly hear off in the distance... "Oh Paddy dear, did you hear the news that's going 'round? The shamrock is forbid by law to grow on Irish ground..."