Free Advice

The Red and Black reports that $2 million will be donated for an "Alcohol Education Center," to be built next year, in response to the rise in drinking-related deaths on campus. UGA is also considering implementing alcohol education and awareness classes for undergraduates.

Well I've been doing some research, and I've decided to go ahead and save the community this $2 million dollars by educating everyone right here, right now. This might take a while to read through, but I really want everyone to be thoroughly educated. Ok, here goes:

Don't drink too much, it's not good for you. Use common sense and take responsibility for your actions.

Actually, that's it. There's nothing else. Cutting-edge research has statistically shown that one of the best ways to avoid drinking too much is by...not drinking too much. Anyway, next week I'll cover how to avoid using illegal drugs. I'm researching this stuff right now as we speak. Should be interesting. Class dismissed.