The Colonel Returns

It's official. One of our own has infiltrated the administration at BC. As the new Head of Admissions, fellow BMBS contributor Will Fleming now has the ears of the elite and powerful. Personally, I couldn't think of a better guy for the job (nor a better job for the guy). In conversation after conversation, Fleming has expressed a traditional, no nonsense approach when it comes to how BC should be run and how it should compete with other private schools.

But remember Will: after being anti-establishment for all these years, you're now part of the establishment. Remember that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Burke and Jude will try and coax you with the power of privilege now to try and get you to "see things their way," leading you astray from your principled beliefs. They will let you use the B-wing doors, and they will let you go in the teachers' lounge now. They might even let you leave campus for more than 47 minutes and make it to where you don't even have to sign out with Mrs. Rogers. But please, don't let these newfound entitlements sway you from the job you have set out to do. Don’t get too comfortable with that new front-row parking spot, or with the ability to devour candy bars after lunch while sitting on the plaza’s concrete benches. They still need someone to update the school website at least once every 3 and-a-half years.

Below are some suggestions for how to conduct day-to-day business.

Standard Attire:
- dress shirt, with sleeves unbuttoned and loosely rolled up (tie optional)
- khacki pants
- penny loafers or top-siders
- no socks
- a stopwatch in your side pocket with maroon nylon cord hanging out the side (twirl as necessary)

Standard practices:
- every morning around 10:30 or so, be sure to run down to Enmark (or get a Senior to go down there for you) to get a 40 oz. fountain Diet Coke
- take up dipping (tobacco), and use the 40 oz. styrafoam cup for spit as the day progresses
- when roaming the halls, whistle the theme song of any sitcom from the 1950s
- go out and get yourself a used Ford Ranger, and be sure the radio is always preset to either I-95 or Q105.3
- become overweight

Congratulations, and good luck.