It's that time again. Here are your Gems of the Week!
Dishonorable Mention:
"Thanks to all you little meth makers, my wife has to show ID to buy her allergy medicine."
- Does your wife have something to hide? She’s probably cooking up crank in your attic right now.
Dishonorable Mention:
"I'm a lover, not a fighter. Let's quit all this fighting and do some loving."
- Shut up, hippie.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Regarding the Mexican mom that got her baby back, is she an illegal immigrant like her husband? Also, who is going to pay the bills to take care of the child's medical needs, and where is she living? Is this also getting paid by taxpayers?"
- It’s called welfare. It’s where a lot of your tax dollars go. It’s nothing new.
Dishonorable Mention:
"It was stinky Thursday again in Savannah from the industrial poison in the air and time again to feel bad for the weekend with compromised immune systems. I don't know why the mayor or EPA can't stop this."
- That’s the smell of money, honey. Also, to the ones who transcribe the Vox messages, I think this caller meant “weakened” instead of “weekend.” Either that or you just can’t spell.
Third Runner-up:
"The headline 'Our father, "howled" be thy name' is extremely offensive. How much lower is the Savannah Morning News going to stoop? Please don't let this happen again."
- Here's what this caller was thinking:
“I am offended. This pun, this play on words, offends me. This goes against my beliefs as a person and please do not use words in ways other than their intended uses because it offends my sense of self. I do not deserve to be offended.”
Shut up.
Second Runner-up:
"Why are we having horrendous police chases in the middle of the streets of Savannah? This isn't Los Angeles. This is a small city. These chases should not be taking place, and the police department should be held responsible."
- Okay. Let’s just stop pursuing criminals. Let’s see how it goes when criminals lose even more respect for the law once they figure out the police can’t chase them.
First Runner-up:
"Georgia Power has asked for another rate increase. The government should pull a coup d'etat and seize Georgia Power and make it a nonprofit organization so that the people won't have to deal with their bottom line."
- I love it when dumb people try to sound smart. It’s the same thing every time. They find a hot-button issue (energy price increases), throw in some buzz words (coup d’etat; nonprofit organization; bottom line), and then they’re experts all of a sudden. I’m not fooled.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Whenever you get in a real bind, just ask yourself: 'What would Oprah do?'"
- Oprah is never in a “real bind.” She’s one of the richest women in the world and she can buy her way out of anything. I hope she gets genital warts. That would be a real bind for Oprah.
Happy Friday, fellas. Go Eagles.
7 comments:
Though this collection isn't as funny as the Jody Chapin one, it is so far the most frustrating. The police chase comment made me start cutting again. So if this person's child were kidnapped, I guess it would still be alright if the police told her, "No, ma'am, we don't do chases."
Joe, the interior monologue for the "howled be thy name" offendee is the best comment yet for the Gems. Do that a lot more. Let's break down these people's thought processes.
The Georgia Power comment makes me most upset. This person has obviously never entered a business class, is on welfare, or went to Country Day.
The reason that his energy prices aren't has high as they could be is because Georgia Power is private, and not public. Private companies have an incentive to reduce costs as much as possible.
On the other hand, a government operated power company doesn't give a damn about reducing costs. In fact, government agencies have an incentive to increase costs as much as possible, thereby receiving more funds from the taxpayers.
Just look at what Ryan does at work. Do his managers kick his ass for staring at Youtube eight hours a day? Then imagine a power company managed by the very same people.
This person is rediculous.
Just to clarify, Stephen stated that Ryan is ridiculous.
I have been "called out," as they say. I wish to address this matter. I am not a proponent of YouTube. It is just the video collection version of Myspace - awful layout, terrible search capabilities, videos from the East labeled with those pretentious Chinese "characters." I don't understand the fascination. The clips can't be longer than 5 minutes, and the quality is always crap.
I may use YouTube on this blog occasionally, but only if it's relevant. I...is anyone still reading this? Okay, back to www.deadspin.com for the sixteenth time today.
BMBS: The blog that is not afraid to wish genital warts on Oprah Winfrey.
To clarify:
We at BMBS are not declaring that Oprah has genital warts. We merely wish that she would hurry up and catch them.
Markets work. Governments don't.
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