Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Because this is a shortened week with the holiday, I’m posting the Gems today. There’s been some decent material this week, so don’t feel cheated. And now for your reading pleasure, the Gems of the Week: Thanksgiving Edition.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Are there any mountain biking trails in Savannah?"
- What about ski resorts? Are there any ski resorts in Savannah? Idiot.

Dishonorable Mention
"I hear advertisements encouraging us to eat and shop downtown for the holidays. That's a great idea in theory, but tell me how do you expect us to do either when there is absolutely nowhere to park?"
- You know, there are these large buildings downtown with nothing but parking spots in them. They’re usually free on the weekend for the very reason that people come downtown and spend money. Only tourists complain about parking.

Honorable Mention:
"I have a goldfish named 'Votes Democrat.' He can't do anything on his own, and someone has to feed and take care of him."
- I got a good laugh out of this one. No “lol-ing,” but a good laugh.

Third Runner-up:
"Would you believe that Georgia Power sent me a disconnection notice on a postcard so that everyone could see? I had been trying to conserve, and I only owed $38."
- Why waste the envelope on a deadbeat who won’t pay his bill?

Second Runner-up:
"It is safer to walk through a mine field than Savannah."
- No it’s not. I’ve been walking around various areas of this this city since 1993 and have yet to be blown up.

First Runner-up:
"How do you get Gorilla Glue off your fingers?"
- I can only imagine the predicament this person is in.

And your Gem of the Week:
"If you are tired of movies with gratuitous sex and violence, go see 'The Queen.' The actors give academy-award performances."
- Look at how cultured you are.
Here’s you:
“Look at me. I’m going to throw out the name of a random, foreign movie I happened to see so everyone will think I’m cultured. What’s ‘The Queen’ about? Who cares!? All I know is that it’s an obscure, artsy movie that no one has ever heard of, so I’ll sound sophisticated when I mention it in conversation. I'll also throw in my two cents about what I think qualifies as an Academy-Award performance. Now I really sound like I know what I'm talking about. Go me!”

Happy Thanksgiving, folks. Have a good holiday.