Vox Populi: Gem of the Year

Wow, what a year it’s been for the Vox Gems. We’ve seen this fledgling little column grow into an almost weekly staple here at BMBS. I’m sure there will be some debate, but for the Gem of the Year, I’ve gone through the weekly Gems winners, picked the best, and then responded to my original responses. I’ve spent a lot more time than I should have on this, but here is your Gem of the Year Court:

Third Runner-up:
"I called the Chatham non-emergency police number to report shootings on my block and was asked, 'What do you want us to do? There are shootings everywhere.'"
- If you called the non-emergency line to report a shooting, then this probably wasn’t the first shooting in your ’hood. It probably won’t be the last either. Stay inside or move.
* This is Third Runner-up material; nothing too special, but still funny.

Second Runner-up:
"We went to the Sand Gnats game and the heat in the stadium was unbearable. Why can't they purchase a few industrial fans with the proceeds from the ridiculously overpriced concessions?"
- Wow. You must be from the north. You’re in an outdoor stadium, in Savannah, IN AUGUST. If you don’t like hot weather, stay home. And overpriced concessions? It’s a minor league ball park you cheap bastard. Spend a couple extra bucks. Consider it a complaint tax, yankee.
* This is a classic from the first edition of the Vox Gems. Nothing goes against our values here at BMBS more than a displaced yankee complaining about Savannah. I hope this guy moved back to wherever he came from.

First Runner-up:
"Whenever you get in a real bind, just ask yourself: 'What would Oprah do?'"
- Oprah is never in a “real bind.” She’s one of the richest women in the world and she can buy her way out of anything. I hope she gets genital warts. That would be a real bind for Oprah.
* I just really don’t like Oprah. I still hope she gets genital warts.

And now, your Gem of the Year…

“Nobody don’t care nothing about Jody Chapin’s Hair. I don’t even watch the news.”

- Simply stunning. My grammar checker went nuts with this one. This came out on Tuesday and I immediately knew I had a winner. Just look at it. Read it again. With the blatant ignorance and poor grammar, this is not just any gem; this is a diamond. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the first nominee for Gem of the Year.
* The Gem of the Year was a one-horse race the moment I read this submission. I’d like to extend a personal and sincere thanks to this person. It is blatant, crass ignorance like this that keeps me up to my waist in Vox Gems fodder. Thank you, citizen, and congratulations; you've won the Gem of the Year.

Happy Friday, folks, and a Happy New Year.