Vox Gems

I’ve gotten lax with these lately. There’s been a sharp drop in quality material, and I refuse to deliver a sub-par product. Enjoy the Gems!

Dishonorable Mention:
"It seems to be a coincidence that the prices go up drastically before St. Patrick's Day."
- Price increases are done to deter cheap Yankees.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Instead of drive-by shootings, why don't we drive by and throw out belts for people who can't keep their pants up?"
- Belts don’t kill people. Guns do.

Dishonorable Mention:
"At least you have the sense to buy your beer or liquor on Saturday to drink it on Sunday. Us religious people have a good life and choose not to drink it away."
- Piss off, cracker.

Second Runner-up:
"Everyone in Savannah needs to pay their Georgia Power bill exactly 29 days late to teach the bureaucrats some compassion for the disabled and those who are struggling to pay their bills. Maybe then they will revise their policies. It is a disgrace how they treat people."
- All that would do is give them more money in late fees. If you’re struggling to pay your electric bill, conserve.

First Runner-up:
"We went to the Tybee Island St. Patrick's parade and they threw quite a few beads. Next year I wish the city would buy more parade barricades and the parade committee would allow the participants to throw beads. It would make the parade much more interesting and exciting for the parade watchers. Other cities from Tallahassee to Galveston have been doing this safely for many years."
- If you want beads, go to Mardi Gras.

And your Gem of the Week:
"When will they ever finish Highway 17 in front of Wal-Mart? They've been working on it six years and the store is already being remodeled."
- This perfectly illustrates the difference between government and the private sector. Big Bad Wal-Mart, the source of all evil, has completely remodeled its store to provide customers with even more goods at everyday low prices and a more enjoyable shopping experience. Your government, however, has abandoned you. They continue to neglect your needs and drag their feet on road repairs. And why? Because they can. They don’t have to be efficient or even provide you with any service at all; they’ll get your tax money again next year. The road, meanwhile, will still have potholes big enough to go swimming in.

Happy Friday, folks.