Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

It’s my pleasure to bring the Gems back this week. Enjoy!

Dishonorable Mention:
"If legal U.S. citizens who happen to be parents commit crimes and are caught, what happens to their children?"
- The children are fed to whatever carnivorous wildlife is indigenous to the region. Down here in Georgia, they’re fed to alligators; up north, bears.

Dishonorable Mention:
"The city of Savannah should be ashamed. Our church held an Easter Walk in Forsyth Park on Sunday. It was like walking through a cow pasture. I thought people with dogs that use that park were supposed to clean up behind them. Shame, shame, shame."
- “Feel bad for me; I stepped in poo-poo. I like to say ‘shame’ a bunch of times to make people feel bad about things.”

Dishonorable Mention:
"I have blocked MySpace.com on my computer and do not allow my teenager on that site."
- I’ll bet you $20 your teenager knows how to get on MySpace, regardless of whether or not you blocked it. Kids know computers. Either that, or your teenager gets on at a friend’s house. You’ve stopped nothing. Now go be a good parent and actually EXPLAIN the dangers of a site like MySpace. Everyone knows MySpace is for weirdos and pedophiles anyway.

Dishonorable Mention
"Bacon Park golf course is the worst looking course in the state of Georgia."
- That’s because it’s run by the city. Not only has the course fallen into disrepair, but the staff is deplorable. I stopped by after work to hit a quick bucket at the range and they wouldn’t sell me a bucket because they didn’t turn the lights on at night at that particular time of year. The sun was still shining at this time. Bacon Park is a dump, but at least it’s cheap.

Dishonorable Mention:
"'Mother Nature Spares Legends' was your headline last week. With all of the people in the Northeast who were without power and have lost their homes and businesses to the storm, it's good to know a bunch of rich people could still enjoy their golf tournament."
- We don’t live in the Northeast. We’re smart enough not to live there, so we don’t have to deal with “nor’easters,” whatever the hell those are. God loves both golf and the city of Savannah.

Second Runner-up:
"The network pulled out early and the 'Dancing with the Stars' ending was cut off at almost every ABC station in the country. The host, Tom Bergeron, issued an apology and a recap of the ending on behalf of the network. This was aired on WJCL. So take your e-mails to the ABC network or maybe try calling the station next time for an explanation."
- We really throw the terms “star” and “celebrity” around way too loosely. With the exception or Clyde “The Glide,” I don’t know a single person on that show. I know there’s a girl with a fake leg. That’s about it. Oh, and I almost forgot: “…pulled out early…” Total cheap laugh.

First Runner-up:
"Thank you Rolling Thunder. Score a win for you and a loss for all those 'testosterone trucks' on Johnny Mercer, Islands Expressway and President Street. It was wonderful to see reason, sanity, and lawful driving return to the vicinity. We'd like you to stay longer than 90 days."
- What is a testosterone truck? And don’t thank Rolling Thunder for anything. So there’s been more police in town. That’s great, but can you tell me why there was a shooting AND a stabbing in one night not a block from City Hall? But hey, at least doughnut sales are through the roof. Also, to the cop that rode on my ass for 10 miles one day last week: shave your mustache; you look like a child molester.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Thank you to the city of Savannah for the pretty little boot they put on my car when I ran into the Federal building for about five minutes. They know they have parking problems and they're going to bear down on people like that?"
- This is your fault. You parked and didn’t pay. Dog the Parking Meter Attendant just gave you a heaping helping of justice. You probably double parked too. “Oh I’m in SUCH a hurry. I know I parked over the line, but it’ll just be a minute. Hold your horses!” I hate you.

Happy Friday, folks!