I decided to mix it up a little this week. As you all know, Paris got out of jail after only serving three days and will now serve 40 days under house arrest. Personally, I wanted her to stick it out for the full sentence in the slammer. Not just for the whole Caged Heat thing, but I also wanted her to prove she wasn't just this little princess and that she could handle something difficult in life. Anyway, there is a SPEAKOUT section on FoxNews and I’ve mixed some real winners from that with my normal Gems material. Enjoy!
Almost not worth mentioning:
"I miss 9 Chickweed Lane."
- Vox Populi contributors love the really unfunny, obscure comic strips.
Dishonorable Mention:
"What kind of justice is it to be confined to your mansion for 40 days? If I break the law, can I be confined to her mansion? This shows there is truly one set of laws for the rich and another set for those who are not! Our justice system is a joke!!!" — D.
- This is the sentiment a lot of people are expressing and it's total crap. No one would stay in jail if they thought they had the option to leave; I don't care how righteous you are. I've been in jail and it sucks. Hypocrites. All of you.
Gas-Price Double-Whammy:
"Shame on all the greedy oil companies over the holiday. Greedy, greedy, greedy."
"I read where most people think paying $2 to $3 a gallon for gas is acceptable. What is wrong with them? We should be paying 50 cents a gallon. The rest of the world owes us."
- Both of you: knock it off.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Michael Vick is the reason I have quit supporting the Atlanta Falcons. He needs to be kicked out of the sport along with any of his cronies who fight with dogs."
- Fight with dogs? That would be more acceptable than the trash ritual that is dog fighting. I’d love to see Mike Vick fight with a dog… and lose.
Longest Dishonorable Mention EVER:
"This is another fine example of another celebrity not having to pay their 'debt' to society. I'm surprised she did the 3 days and apparently that means 5 in Hollywood terms. Years ago something like this would hurt a celebrity. Today it will definitely enhance her career. I see a book deal coming and possibly a movie on this whole 'ordeal.' The sad thing about this is that there are kids out there who actually like her and may now think it's ok to get in trouble and will not have to pay a high price for it because she obviously didn't have to. Being confined to your home for 40 days wearing a tracking device (in gold too I'm sure) doesn't constitute doing hard time. I do hope Paris learns from this mistake and will behave herself. At least in public anyway." — D.
- D., shut up. You already made the Gems once, now, you’re on here again. Do you have to be so long winded? You could have just said, “She’s a role model for kids,” but no, you had to write us a thesis. Shut up.
First Runner-up:
"The parents of the Little League team who threw ice on our teenaged volunteer coach were an embarrassment to your team, our league and our community as a whole."
- Are you kidding me? That’s what happens when the team wins the big game, they throw ice water or Gatorade on the coach. Was your son the volunteer coach? If your son doesn’t like the “Gatorade Shower”, then he’s a loser who’s happy to continue being a loser.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Paris Hilton must have been playing the game Monopoly entertaining herself while doing her jail time. How lucky for her to draw the GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD." — Janet (Oakhurst, CA)
- I really hope I never meet this Janet from Oakhurst, CA. I’ll bet she laughs really hard at her own jokes.
Almost not worth mentioning:
"I miss 9 Chickweed Lane."
- Vox Populi contributors love the really unfunny, obscure comic strips.
Dishonorable Mention:
"What kind of justice is it to be confined to your mansion for 40 days? If I break the law, can I be confined to her mansion? This shows there is truly one set of laws for the rich and another set for those who are not! Our justice system is a joke!!!" — D.
- This is the sentiment a lot of people are expressing and it's total crap. No one would stay in jail if they thought they had the option to leave; I don't care how righteous you are. I've been in jail and it sucks. Hypocrites. All of you.
Gas-Price Double-Whammy:
"Shame on all the greedy oil companies over the holiday. Greedy, greedy, greedy."
"I read where most people think paying $2 to $3 a gallon for gas is acceptable. What is wrong with them? We should be paying 50 cents a gallon. The rest of the world owes us."
- Both of you: knock it off.
Dishonorable Mention:
"Michael Vick is the reason I have quit supporting the Atlanta Falcons. He needs to be kicked out of the sport along with any of his cronies who fight with dogs."
- Fight with dogs? That would be more acceptable than the trash ritual that is dog fighting. I’d love to see Mike Vick fight with a dog… and lose.
Longest Dishonorable Mention EVER:
"This is another fine example of another celebrity not having to pay their 'debt' to society. I'm surprised she did the 3 days and apparently that means 5 in Hollywood terms. Years ago something like this would hurt a celebrity. Today it will definitely enhance her career. I see a book deal coming and possibly a movie on this whole 'ordeal.' The sad thing about this is that there are kids out there who actually like her and may now think it's ok to get in trouble and will not have to pay a high price for it because she obviously didn't have to. Being confined to your home for 40 days wearing a tracking device (in gold too I'm sure) doesn't constitute doing hard time. I do hope Paris learns from this mistake and will behave herself. At least in public anyway." — D.
- D., shut up. You already made the Gems once, now, you’re on here again. Do you have to be so long winded? You could have just said, “She’s a role model for kids,” but no, you had to write us a thesis. Shut up.
First Runner-up:
"The parents of the Little League team who threw ice on our teenaged volunteer coach were an embarrassment to your team, our league and our community as a whole."
- Are you kidding me? That’s what happens when the team wins the big game, they throw ice water or Gatorade on the coach. Was your son the volunteer coach? If your son doesn’t like the “Gatorade Shower”, then he’s a loser who’s happy to continue being a loser.
And your Gem of the Week:
"Paris Hilton must have been playing the game Monopoly entertaining herself while doing her jail time. How lucky for her to draw the GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD." — Janet (Oakhurst, CA)
- I really hope I never meet this Janet from Oakhurst, CA. I’ll bet she laughs really hard at her own jokes.
Happy Friday, folks.
4 comments:
In another sweet turn to this awesome case, Paris was allowed to attend court this morning via videophone. The only explanation has to be the judge not wanting to catch anything from her by having her in the same room.
I just read that Paris had been sent back to jail by that same judge where she will have to serve the remaining 40 days of her sentence.
I can't take credit for this, it's from thesuperficial.com concerning todays dramatic events: Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail in Lynwood and will serve out her original 45 day sentence with a credit for the 5 days she's already served. Reporters say she was crying through the entire process and, when Judge Michael Sauer gave his decision, she let out a huge cry and said, "This isn't right." She was then physically dragged out of the courtroom by a female deputy, in tears, screaming, "Mom, Mom, Mom."
Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants.
i really miss 9 Chickweed Lane as well. Get off that guy.
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