Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Great stuff this week. Enjoy!

Dishonorable Mention:
"Someone needs to get rid of the mean mockingbirds in Savannah that repeatedly attack cats and squirrels and also bombarded my behind when I bent over to plant annuals in my yard today."
- Birds are disgusting vermin.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I see where whistleblowers are getting half a million for turning in employers. I work for my dad and want to turn him in because he doesn't pay me enough and he overworks me. Who do I call to get paid?"
- Lowlife.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Don't leave kittens at dangerous intersections. Please call the Humane Society. I've rescued two."
- At my old apartment in Statesboro, we had this black and white stray cat that would always come around. I named him Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter loved Chinese food. I think Derek Jeter was a cannibal.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I picked up the New York Times bestseller 'Beach Road' by James Patterson at Publix. It is pure filth. I asked the store manager to please remove this filth from the store counters."
- Good job wasting the manager’s time. I’m sure he had nothing better to do at that moment than listen to your asinine complaint about a book no one else is ever going to pick up in that store.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Watching the Republican debate is like taking a sleeping pill. I know you won't print this in your Republican newspaper."
- I’m sure you felt this way because the candidates in the debate discussed boring things like facts.

Second Runner-up:
"A group of 96 men and their wives visited Savannah recently. They arrived from 19 states to see one another for the first time in 45 years. They had secured reservations for their group at The Lady and Sons restaurant. They weren't seated at the same time and were taken in groups of 10 to 15. They were extremely disappointed. Two tears for Paula's hospitality."
- It is impossible to seat a party that size all together. Furthermore, you chose to take your group to one of the smallest and most crowded places in the City. You should have just gone to Carey Hilliard’s or Johnny Harris. Both have big dining rooms and the food is better. Sorry, Paula, it’s true.

First Runner-up:
"I don't believe a $2.2 million gold dome is going to improve the quality of life. You could use that for a $1 million animal shelter and a $1 million budget to provide adequate staffing."
- So instead of redoing the gold roof of City Hall, you’re suggesting we build a million dollar animal shelter and use the remaining million dollars to staff it? Sweetheart, you were MADE for a government office.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Thanks to the media for letting me check in on Paris Hilton and see how that little darling is doing. We don't get a two-bit tramp like that in jail everyday, so it is good to be able to keep up with her."
- Ok. We get it. You’re bashing Paris Hilton. What a fresh and exciting point of view. Seriously, give it a rest. I’m glad she’s back in jail and dropped her appeal not because I dislike her, I don’t; I’m glad because she’ll get a big dose of reality that will hopefully turn her into less of a robot. Plus, who uses the phrase “two-bit” anymore? Does any one know how much two bits is?

Happy Friday, folks!