Pass In Review: 2008

The Nation. The economy enters a nasty recession. Obama defeats McCain. Some say America is about to take another leap towards collectivism. I say, thanks to the "fundamentalist, ideological, laissez-faire, right-wing" policies of George W. Bush, we're already there. Get ready for more handouts, bailouts, "stimulus" packages, deficit spending, federal interventions, and inflation as government continues to grow and liberty continues to contract. And all of this will somehow get packaged as "change."

Sports. Georgia's implosion. Phelp's 10,000 calorie diet. Tiger's one-legged victory. The Falcons' turnaround.

Music. Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna. Put on a quite a show. Very entertaining. How 'bout a round of applause. I am usually not into black chicks but this one has green eyes and is from Barbados or something.

At the Movies. CHEERS: The Dark Knight, Rambo. JEERS: Quantum of Solace, 21, anything else that didn't make the cheers list.

Girls of the Year: Nastia Liukin & Shawn Johnson*, Sarah Palin, Ashley Dupre, Carrie Underwood, Jenna Bush.

Restaurant of the Year: Five Guys.

* = I obviously didn't have enough room for Shawn and Nastia's pictures above so here they are just in case you've forgotten:



Angels.

Man Scout

Binghampton University freshman, Shawn Goldsmith recently completed the "almost unheard-of feat" of acquiring all 121 Merit Badges offered by the the Boy Scouts of America.

Some of the badges Goldsmith received include:

• Agribusiness
• Archery
• Basketry
• Bee Keepling
• Bugling (?)
• Golf
• Horsemanship
• Indian Lore
• Mammal Study
• Motorboating (You old sailor, you!)
• Pottery
• Rabbit Raising
• Shotgun Shooting
• Signaling
• Truck Transportation
• Waterskiing

Since Mr. Goldsmith has far surpassed the 62 badges required to become an Eagle Scout, a new "BAMF Eagle Stud" status has been created for just such an occasion.

Congratulations, Man Scout!

Israeli Navy Fails...

They had their chance to take out Cynthia Mckinney once and for all, and failed to do so. I hate this woman so much. What are we supporting them for?

Van Brimmer Responds

Here is Adam Van Brimmer's response to my letter:

Snuffy:

I meant no disrespect to BC. Seems all the BC folks in this town are a little too sensitive. Fact is, BC has 400 boys in the school, which is comparable to the number of boys in the public school. Calvary has about a quarter that many. The fact that Calvary is competitive -- and getting markedly better year by year -- after being nowhere near so just five years ago is what prompted the column.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to write. It seems whenever I write a prep column, I get emails from folks at other schools who feel slighted or that they didn't get their just desserts. I've gotten a dozen responses to this column now, and all of them came from either BC or Savannah Christian folks. Not one from the public schools, which is the audience you would think might take exception to the column. Take a step back and get some perspective. I'm not taking a shot at BC, SCPS, Country Day or anybody else just because I wrote a Calvary column.

Thanks again and have a good holiday,
Adam

And here is my retort:

Adam,

Thank you for your reply. I know that it is a dogfight among the private schools for press coverage and that each school wants to have every headline. However, some of your facts are still off the mark. BC only has about 300 boys, compared to about 175 at Calvary. I agree that over the past 4 years, Calvary has had the best private school basketball program, even though they suffered a losing season last year. My main argument is that the column should have never been written. It would have made more sense had it been published two years ago, after Calvary's back-to-back state quarterfinal runs. I just don't think a 13-point loss to Windsor Forest, after losing by 14 earlier in the season and coming off a losing season, warrants a headline about how Calvary is gaining ground on the public schools.

Now, one more thing and I'll leave you alone. I do not know the last time BC made the state playoffs in basketball. It may have been 1990; it may even be beyond that. If the Cadets make the playoffs, I want them to get the same type of coverage that Johnson did for making the state playoffs in football this season for the first time since 1992.

Thanks again for your reply,
Snuffy

Molly MacPhearson's: Great Bar or Greatest Bar?

Jenna says greatest bar.

The Internet Jukebox: Friend or Foe?

A couple years ago, the old jukebox at Pinkie Masters was replaced with a new-fangled internet jukebox. While part of me believes that a jukebox should only contain music that fits the atmosphere of its surroundings, deep down I'm still torn on how I feel about this new invention.

Last night, Pat, Chris and I witnessed just how powerful this device can be. Immediately after our arrival, I head no music playing. I couldn't believe my luck, there was no queue of songs waiting to be played, so I knew my selection would be played immediately. Being the considerate bar citizen that I am, and not to mention brimming with Christmas cheer, I fed the machine a dollar and gladly spent the two credits to download and play O Tannenbaum by the Vince Guaraldi Trio from A Charlie Brown Christmas. Toes tapped, heads bobbed, and we all enjoyed the fun Christmasey selection.

Towards the end of the song, this degenerate lowlife with greasy long hair, drainpipe jeans and a general bad attitude stepped up. I peered over his shoulder and watched him make his selections. My prejudice was confirmed. The following 20 minutes were nearly unbearable as this jackass proceeded to play some obscure David Bowie song (Wow, he likes Bowie. He's so hip.), three songs by Queens of the Stone Age (Wow, he's so underground.), and then he had the nerve to play something from Outkast (Wow, he likes hip hop. He's so down with the streets.)

What the hell was this guy's problem? What made him think that anyone wanted to hear any of that?

I had to respond. I fed a few more dollars into the machine and made my picks. What followed was a torrent of love, positive energy, and all around Christmas revelry as the sounds of Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Marvin Gaye and the like filled Pinkie's. People drank and danced and I was happy.

Last night taught me the most important thing about the internet jukebox. It's not good or evil, it exists on its own. The internet jukebox is like fire. When handled cautiously, it can give you light and keep you warm. When handled wrecklessly, it can kill you.

Dear Mr. Van Brimmer

If you read yesterday's paper, you saw this article by sports columnist Adam Van Brimmer. Calvary program will soon infringe on public schools' turf.

Below is the letter I sent to Mr. Van Brimmer in response to his unsubstantiated claim that Calvary has the best private school basketball program.

December 23, 2008

Dear Mr. Van Brimmer:

I am writing in response to your article entitled Calvary program will soon infringe upon public schools’ turf. In the article you insinuate that Calvary’s basketball team, a private school team, can go toe-to-toe with the elite public school basketball teams in Savannah. This is based on a 13-point loss to Windsor Forest and a 20-point win over a 2-6 Johnson squad in the Savannah Holiday Classic.

I don’t understand how Calvary can be chosen over Benedictine as the private schools’ best hope to capture some of the city’s basketball spotlight, which has long been dominated by the likes of Savannah High and Beach. Keep in mind that Calvary also lost to Windsor Forest back in November by 14 points. Meanwhile, Benedictine has played Windsor Forest twice as well, winning the first game by 9 points and losing the rematch by 1 point on a last-second bucket.

Calvary did perform better against Johnson than Benedictine did, winning by 20 points, compared to a 4-point win for the Cadets. However the numbers don’t lie. Comparing the performances against similar public school opponents, Benedictine is 2-1 with a +14 point differential. Calvary is 1-2 with a -7 point differential.

Now, which team looks like a more formidable challenger to the public school teams?

Respectfully,
Snuffy P. Smith

Yes Man..... No Man

This past Sunday, I made my way to the Carmike Cinema knowing that Jim Carrey had lost some of his mystique as the funny man of Hollywood. Yet, in no way did I think a comedic savoy person like himself would stoop so low to produce a retreaded sequel to Liar Liar.

First, His facial expressions use to be part of the movie people enjoyed the most when they wanted to get a laugh. Well putting tape around your face and hair is not a least bit funny to me or the twenty plus other moviegoers that were in the stands. Carrey tries to manufacture so many laughs when there is absolutely no reason to go overboard. For instance, in one scene he tells his friends that he is the Yes Man, and that he will do what ever they want, so he becomes a drunken buffoon. The most disturbing part about this scene is that there is no laughs to be had at all. One expression after another leads to one dud after another, which leads to an overblown, pointless fight scene. This is where he stumbles around with goofy looks and redundant expressions that will bore even the thoughtless moviegoer. 30 minutes into the movie, I wanted to give up on this piece of crap. The Majestic had more laughs than this misled comedy.

Secondly, I think Jim Carrey is wearing on the American public. This movie grossed only $18,000,000 dollars, and it probably won't gross the $100,000,000 his films usually produce at the box office. Why is this? Jim Carrey is getting older, and you can only make so many movies with genius facial expressions or famous people's voices until the insightful moviegoer says "I have seen Jim Carrey play that role before" He will always have a loyal following, but I really believe that the thoughtful Judd Aptaow Comdies over the last few years have taken a toll on his impersonation first comedy.

Finally, my opinion is Carrey will keep making Dramas like the brilliant Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or the forgetful 23. In fact, next year he will be starring in Robert Zemetkis's A Christmas Carol , and I Love Philip Morris. The latter being a drama about two male prisoners following in love with each other. Are you kidding me?One thing is for sure,life was a lot better for Jim Carrey when he was the likable dumb ass, Lloyd selling of his dead bird Petey for $25....

Pat Holland's New Atlanta Friends

I ran into Pat Holland the other day and he was like, "Bro, I totally love Atlanta...it is such a wicked awesome city, I am going clubbing with Mikey Leonard."





"Most everyone is working their asses off right now but we do need a new 'use it or lose it' rule that says if you don't post anything over the course of a month I get to kick you off."




Is everyone in Savannah Friday evening? Is that daquari bar still open on Wilmington?

Dr. Joe's Friday Psych Evaluation

Ok, I want everyone to join me for a little exam.

For the sake of our female readers, I'll keep this gender-neutral.

Picture, if you will, your ideal romantic partner. As well as being extremely physically attractive, this person is also kind and has the type of personality that you enjoy being around. Now picture this person as being completely, and undoubtedly into you. As in, this person wants to hook-up with you.

Got it? Ok.

I will present you with two situations.

Situation A: This person is your adopted sibling, and you have grown up with them since you were a small child. They know every embarrassing detail about your life and you know the same about theirs. You have known this person only as your sibling for your entire life, but you recently found out that this person was adopted, and now this person wants to hook up with you.

Situation B: This person is your second cousin. You don't see each other often but however faint it is, there is a definite relation between you both, and this person wants to hook up with you.

The Question: In which situation would you be more likely to go through with it?

Respond and discuss.

BAILOUT

Ok fellas, it's talk time.

I realize none of us are in college anymore and we all have jobs, but this blog is swirling the drain. We've gone from great success and popularity, to not being on anyone's radar. This is evident in our lack of comments and nominations to our Man of the Year election. We've got to step it up.

I'm not pointing fingers because if I was, I'd have to point one in my own direction. I've been a lousy contributor. I can say that, not only because it's the truth, but also because I am confident I can and will change.

"What happened to the BMBS I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the GUTS?! 'Oh, we're afraid to go with you Joe. We might get in trouble.' Well just kiss my ass from now on!!"

Who's with me?!! Let's do it!!!!

Polls Are Open

Cast your vote. Joe, because your nomination is not a real, actual person, he is ineligible.

Joe's Nomination: Bill Brasky

As the only serious contender who could mount a challenge against Jack, I nominate William Robert Brasky, best damn salesman in the office!

"Bill Brasky once used a live rattle snake as a condom!"
"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
"His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
"I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
"He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
"He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
"He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
"They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
"Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
"He breastfeeds John Madden!"
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
"He sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
"His first name is Bill!"
"All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos."

The Truest Test of Assertiveness

*I posted this on Facebook word-for-word.  I just wanted to keep the rare streak of continuous BMBS posting going.  Apologies for the redundancy.

You probably feel sometimes like you are in control of your life. You don't let people walk over you. You caught the bagger putting the detergent in the same bag as your bread, and you corrected him. You saw the cashier didn't scan your coupon and let them know. Perhaps you told a telemarketer you were not interested and used colorful language to express that sentiment. Maybe you shushed the guy behind you in the movie theater who was talking the whole time.

I've done a number of these things, and thought myself a moderately assertive person. However, a conversation with my fellow Costanza enthusiast and real life neurotic, David Willingham, reminded me what a lowly, spineless doormat I really am.

For I have failed the truest test of assertiveness.

The Haircut Objection Test.

Take my last adventure at Great Clips, where I exchanged dignity and acceptable male appearance for the low price point of $8. I had a chance, several even, to stop the winds of change. Instead, I threw up the sails and pulled a Lieutenant Dan, challenging God to give me all he had and calling him a "son of a bitch." 

There's some sort of dark magic involved with the chairs in a salon or barbershop. The type of sorcery that extracts all mechanisms of reason from a reasonable mind. You pay for a haircut with the same currency used in any other business transactions. So why don't you feel like the service should meet the assumed expectations of your cash?

Subconsciously I think of my Great Clips host as some sort of deranged artist, and if I were to critique her art with my thin knowledge of the subject, I would be committing an egregious error. 

I can only hope that the same folks who brought us the self-checkout machines are whipping up an automated hair stylist machine that won't make me feel obligated to tip even after a hair holocaust.

It's Official

Mark Stroud is the new head football coach of the Benedictine Cadets.

Your Own Year in Review

Name one thing you are proud to have accomplished and one thing you are embarrassed to admit you did in 2008.  

I'm proud that I canceled cable, embarrassed that Charter never cut it off and that I still watch it, but proud again that I'm ripping them off.

BC Coaching Haiku

Rumors keep swirling.
A bolt of thunder, I hear.
I'm not talking Deal.

Cadets Dominate Former Rival

While most everyone was busy watching the SEC yesterday, the biggest game of the night took place on the southside of Savannah as BC basketball swept Glynn Academy by 20. Glynn already had two big wins under their belt coming into last night, over Jenkins and Long County (the Cadets' next opponent), so this double-digit victory makes the Cadets look quite formidable as region play starts this week.

As Snuffy mentioned, you can catch BC's home games at bcathletics.net, with Mr. Kevin Sheehan doing the play-by-play and a certain 2003 alumnus doing the color commentating. The latter appears to be SportsCenter-bound, combining fervent passion with a sharp professionalism that creates a voice and style no less distinctive than Munson's.

It always feels good knocking off Glynn, in any sport. There's a sense of fierce antagonism that always seems to pervade every contest with that school. It feels even better knowing BC has a proficient and dedicated expert effectively capturing and delivering the story to those of us 250 miles away who can no longer be there to experience it in person.

Our Newest Contributor

Reardon, doing what he does best, simultanesouly working 2 girls that already have husbands/boyfriends and ensuring his picture gets taken in the process.

Please welcome BMBS' latest membership addition, Michael A. Reardon. You probably remember Mike and his bio from last years' Man of the Year competition, but we might as well rehash things a bit.

Reardon has been begging to be a part of this blog since its inception, and I felt now was the right time to add him, particularly since things have been slow and, as always, Mike has a lot to say. He also proved his worthiness after claiming last year's award.

Mike's areas of expertise are many, including college football and basketball, Republican politics, breaking girls' hearts, and corrugated box industry trends.

Mike was born in San Antonio, Texas and moved to Savannah at age 2, attending St. James and Benedictine Military School. A member of the historic class of 2001, Mike always managed to balance his time between the SJS pyramid and this blog's group. While some were often put off by the pyramid's more extreme members and their antics, Mike was always seen as a tolerable presence, someone we could "do business with," serving as a middle-of-the-road ambassador of sorts between our two factions.

It should be noted that Mike did not stay in military his junior or senior years, a significant blemish on his record that will never be erased. But Mike makes up for lack of military discipline with his discipline and commitment towards making the sale in all areas of life. Whether you're a stunning 21 year-old coed sitting alone at Mercury Lounge named Grayson or a prospective buyer of cardboard shipping products in the Southeast named Bob, it's guaranteed Mike will find a way to win you over in a matter of minutes.

Mike currently lives in Jacksonville and works for Express Packaging, Inc. He has one younger sister, Brittany, whom 2 of our contributors have tried to chase after, unsuccessfully.

The Juice Feels the Squeeze

OJ Simpson was sentenced today for his involvement in the much publicized little "kidnapping" incident. Reacting to his sentence, OJ said:

"In no way did I mean to hurt anybody, to steal anything from anyone," Simpson said. "I didn't want anybody else's stuff. I just wanted my own. I realize that I was stupid. I am sorry. I didn’t know that I was doing anything illegal. I thought I was retrieving property from friends. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for all of it."

I mean, come on. He didn't know he was doing anything illegal. Who hasn't gone into a hotel room and held the occupants at gunpoint while you demand property from them? Some might call that kidnapping and robbery, but let's not throw words around. I mean, they had his stuff!

Anyway, The Juice got up to 33 years. He'll be eligible for parole in nine years. I'm predicting a huge comeback for him 2018.

Happy Gannam Day

Snuffy's Nomination: Jack Holland

I knew this kid was special back in the summer of ’02 when he received the most dramatic promotion in the history of the Benedictine Corps of Cadets, rising from squad leader to fucking Brigade Executive Officer overnight. Jack then continued to defy all odds by being accepted to the University of Georgia. While there, Jack was a BMOC, running with the likes of GFS4 and MDB3.

Enough about the past. This is a Man of the Year nomination and no man has made more headlines this year than Jack Holland. It began in the winter, when Jack was named bench coach of the Benedictine Cadets baseball team. He helped lead BC to wins over Calvary and Savannah Christian.

Jack had planned on moving to Atlanta this fall to get coaching experience at Collins Hill, one of the largest high schools in the state of Georgia. One fateful summer night, however, ruined Jack’s dream of leaving Savannah. In a freak accident, Jack lost the tip of his middle finger, rendering him useless in today’s society. Most people would have given up on life, turned to drugs and spent the rest of their life in self-pitty. But not Jack. He stared adversity in the face…and poked it in the chest with his mutilated finger.

Jack was also instrumental in the formation of the 17 Club and has been its most loyal member. During football season, Jack helped this blogger keep his head up with his encouraging words on the progress of the Cadets football team. Always positive. That’s Jack’s motto.

Just this week, Jack made his debut on the Benedictine WebRadio Network as the basketball color commentator. Jack has proven time and time again that he completely embodies the spirit of BMBS. There is no doubt that has earned the right to be named:
BMBS Man of the Year
Jack Holland

Blue Horshoe Does Not Love CBH

More on this as it unfolds...

It's December

Which means it's time to start thinking about Man of the Year nominations. You have between now and Monday, December 15th to submit nominees. Voting will start on the the 16th and end at midnight on New Year's Eve.

Past recipients:

2006 - Tom Powers
2007 - Michael Reardon
2008 - ????