Our Generation

A while back, I made a post about losers waiting in line for a Playstation 3, which, by the way, gives me satisfaction now that the PS3 is doing so poorly. So now we've got these people:

They are waiting for the iPhone, which comes out today at 6:00 p.m. Let's take a look at the folks closest to us in the picture. According to the source of this photo, these three run a website together in Santa Monica, California (OOhhh, okay). On the left we have an extremely androgynous individual, but I'll refer to it as a male, since his name is Conrad Quilty-Harper (no joke). His shiny Mac laptop sits on his lap, and is decorated with several surely badass stickers that probably proclaim which political party he sides with in a completely non-confrontational tone. You could also catch him last week waiting in line for Sicko.

Next we have the creepy old guy who thinks he's in touch with the younger crowd (that's literal, as well). Of course, his name is Tyler Crowley. I mean, look at the trendy cabby hat on his knee. I have no doubt that in his right ear is the newest Bluetooth device, placed just above the small, dangly earing. The dead giveaway is the shoes - they say, "Hey, I may have gray hair, and I may be required to wear nice collared shirts and dress pants when I go into work at the website office, but I play by my own rules when it comes to shoes. Is it a crime to be comfortable and look cool at the same time?"

And then comes our favorite. Oh, yes, this is Laura Monjoy. Do we think she went to UC Berkeley? What do we think she majored in? Look at that yuppie scum. She cares more about updating her blog (for her thousands of readers) about her epic wait than looking anywhere close to presentable. What is there to say? "So, I'm totally getting my picture taken right now. OMG, they better publish it as a JPEG, because GIF is so 2002. I feel bad for them if they use Adobe to upload it. I mean, the latest Adobe isn't exactly the greatest thing in the world. Meh, I could have written a better program in my sleep. Okay guyz and grrlz, at least I'm wearing my new capri pants and flops. It definitely shows that I'm laid back and just like to have a good time, you know?"

And then there's this kid:

This one is just so ripe that I'm going to ask you guys to write what you think his backstory is in the comments. Who is he? How the hell can he even afford a $500 iPhone? Who will he use it to have mass communication with? At what point did we encourage the youth of America to strive for goddamn knick knacks and gadgets above normal things like playing sports or getting to know the opposite sex?

Epilogue: Don't get me wrong - I would certainly take an iPhone if it were given to me, but I hate this instant gratification mindset. What would YOU wait in line for?

Pope Benedict......Regulatin

The Pope has approved wider use of the Latin mass. He has also elected to start wearing sweet hats.

Only 263 more days...

Hey bud, it's just a Saturday.

I'm sure you all received this email today, but I wanted to post it anyway.

HELP WANTED!!!

COME FALL IN LINE!
COME MEET COWBOY!
COME HAVE FUN AT:

BC’s 1st ANNUAL, ADULTS ONLY, SUMMER HOUSE CLEANING & FIX-UP FEST !

WHAT? WE WILL BE PAINTING DOORS – CLEANING WINDOWS – WACKING WEEDS – CUTTING GRASS – PICKING UP TRASH – SCRUBBING WHAT NEEDS IT - REPAIRING WHAT WE CAN – AND BEAUTIFYING OUR CAMPUS

WHERE? BC - IN FRONT

WHEN? SATURDAY, JULY 14, 2007 – START EARLY MORNING, BREAK FOR LUNCH, (PROVIDED) & LEAVE WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO – (OR WHEN YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH FUN).i.e. COME WHEN YOU CAN & LEAVE WHEN YOU MUST. GIVE AN HOUR OR GIVE A DAY.

WHO? PARENTS, ALUMS, & ADULT FRIENDS OF BC

COSTUME? VERY CASUAL (& bring extra tools etc if you think that would help)

WHAT ELSE? RSVP (if you can) & for info contact: Rick Shay: rickbetty@aol.com or easpc@comcast.net or 691-5728 or 398-0330

I was planning on going for a few hours in the morning. Anyone interested?

Liberal Mindset

I have been an avid reader of Neal Boortz's website for years now. He likes to pick on one of the bedwetting idiots working for the AJC, Jay Bookman. In this article, Bookman explains the resons Ireland has become the economic powerhouse of the European Union. He only tells half of the story, though. I'll let Boortz explain:

In his column Bookman cites two items for Ireland's tremendous advances; anti-poverty programs and spending on education. He writes that: ", Irish leaders made a national commitment to eventually eliminate persistent poverty from their country, adopting what they called a National Anti-Poverty Strategy." He adds: They began to invest heavily in their schools, increasing spending on primary grades by more than 50 percent between 1995 and 2002."

OK ... so we have super spending on schools and anti-poverty programs. Does he stop there? Well, pretty much. That's it. He does say "... money wasn't all they invested. Irish leaders also poured political attention and emphasis into education, with remarkable results." Oh great, more political intervention in education. That always works. Then we get the kicker. The resurrection of Ireland "... happened because of active, vigorous leadership that embraced government as a necessary partner of private enterprise in making people's lives better."
So .. there you go! Spoken like a true liberal! Ireland is kicking butt over there in the European Union and it's all because they spent more money on government schools, got government more involved in those schools, and created a great government/free enterprise partnership that made people's lives better. There you have it. Ireland is hot because of government. Again ... spoken like a true liberal.

The truth? Well, partially. There was higher spending, particularly on higher education. And there was a new standard of cooperation between government and business. What Bookman doesn't tell you, though, is that there was a substantial reduction in the tax load on Irish citizens and businesses coupled with a serious reduction in government regulation of the free market economy. Bookman didn't seem to mention anything about the lower taxes and the deregulation of business and the Irish labor market. That tax level, by the way, is substantially lower than the tax level in the U.S. And why not mention these two things? Because they're conservative principles, that's why. Conservatives continually say that lower taxes and less government bureaucracy will lead to a faster growing economy. Ireland proves it, but Bookman ignored it. Bookman wanted to promote the cause of spending more on our schools and increasing the control of our economy ... without telling the whole truth. Not surprising.

BC PAC

Last weekend Pat and I were up to the usual: drinking beer and talking about how to save the world. We decided that the best way to bring about that outcome would be to join with all those who shared our goals and organize. The only problem we faced was one of logistics. Should we start our own "Swiftboat" or moveon.org -type internet campaigns? The problem was vexing.

So, I did what I normally do when I need to make an important decision; I thought to myself, "What would Erk do?" The answer was glaringly obvious: start a B.C. Political Action Committee (akin to Erk's PAC out of Snooky's).

Some ideas for stances/demands of leaders:

1. Instead of pampering terrorists at that 3 star hotel in Gitmo, they should be forced into hard labor. No, not breaking rocks or working as cheap labor for government projects. Even worse. Chasing and retrieving Coach Cannon's golf balls each weekend. Gonna plot some crazy crap? No big deal bud, just a Saturday. Use that in recruiting videos. Martyrdom never looked so pathetic.

2. Put "Commander-in-..." in front of Chief's rank.

3. Inspect the House of Representatives, RFI style. Impeach those with improper gig lines and ignorant rhetorical lines.

4. a) Set up a series of bushes on the U.N. plaza. b) Hide cartons of milk around the building. c) "Bush" the leaders of countries in OPEC. d)"Pond" the dangerous ones (in the East River). e) "Milk" the weak countries - just so they know who's boss (lookin' at you, Latvia).

5. Officially cede the city of Atlanta to Canada. It can be their problem.

6. See to it that Coach Curley is appointed to Press Secretary. That way, he can eliminate any grey areas.

Let's all work together for a better tomorrow.

They May Have Won the Title, But...

Funniest Five Seconds Ever

Sorry, Charlie. We're Closed.

As Dude Aaron, Pat and I discovered Friday night, Sorry Charlie's has closed its doors. The shutdown is due to the structure being declared unsafe. Contrary to both popular belief and my own hypothesis, the shut-down has nothing to do with the Ellis Square Project.

During preliminary planning, engineers inspected the properties surrounding Ellis Square. It was then that they determined the floor joists in that building needed to be replaced and they were, with temporary ones.

The real tragedy here is this completely messes up our weekly tour of bars. Sorry Charlie's was a great first stop, which led to many fun nights. Saturday night, without our normal starting line, we wandered about aimlessly. So aimlessly that we ended up in the new Malones for two and a half minutes before we snapped out of it, came to our senses, and went to Kevin Barry's for Guinness.

Please fix the floors, they provide such a good launch into any night of boozing.

I read this story on SavannahNow.com.

Patriot Act Has Other Applications

British authorities broke up an international pedophile ring yesterday, arresting 200 suspects and rescuing 10 children. From a website titled "Kids the Light of Our Lives", the perverts, no doubt Andy Dick enthusiasts, streamed live video of children being sexually abused. Here is what I knew would be included in the article when I clicked on it:

"Authorities said they used surveillance tactics normally used against terrorism suspects and drug traffickers to infiltrate the pedophile ring at its highest level."

This proves an interesting point in regards to the USA PATRIOT Act of 2001: it is not important exclusively in the fight against terrorism.

Of the 38 cases reported by the government as using provisions of the act, 18 are completely unrelated to terrorism. The Patriot Act gives law enforcement the ability to keep up with drug and human trafickers who use technology in the execution of their international crimes.

The Department of Justice appointed an independent inspector-general, James Sensenbrenner, to look into possible abuses of the Patriot Act. He found zero reportable abuses. Zero.

USA PATRIOT Act - 38, ACLU - 0.


*Andy Dick could not be reached for comment. Thank God.

Read Their Lips: No New Wealth Creation

The new Congress is planning to raise income tax rates as part of next year's budget. House and Ways chairman Charlie Rangel has even publicly said he'll work to raise the top bracket rate to somewhere around 50% (it was 40% under Clinton and is currently 35% under Bush). Club for Growth made a mockery of this proposal the other day in the form a "letter" from Rangel to Taxpayers:

Dear American Taxpayers,

I know that you have all been hard at work, but I need some more tax money to pay for all the great government programs the new Congress is planning on initiating.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: Isn’t the federal government big enough? Didn’t Congress grow the government by unprecedented levels over the past several years? But I am writing to reassure you that this Congress will grow the government better than in years past. Taxpayers often think they know the best way to spend their own money, but the truth is your senators and representatives can usually think of a better way. For example, you might want to save your money for your children’s college years, but wouldn’t it be better if we put that money toward peanut storage in Georgia instead?

As Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, I am proud to tell you that the Committee has recently released a plan to raise the highest income tax rate 4.3 percentage points to 39.3% as part of a plan to reform the Alternative Minimum Tax. Think of all the new, wonderful government programs we can fund with that money. And still, there’s more! When Congress lets the Bush tax cuts expire, the top income tax rate will soar to 44%—even more than it was under Bill Clinton! (Oh boy, it sure is fun to be in control again!)

In conclusion, I am looking forward to receiving your additional tax dollars and to growing government even more. If you have any new ideas for raising taxes, I am always interested in hearing about them. You can reach me at (202) 225-4365.

Sincerely,

Charlie Rangel

Hopefully Bush will be nothing like his father this late in the game and will actually use the veto pen (Bush Sr., as many of you may recall, caved in and it cost him reelection). To be safe we still should be on the lookout for cheap one-way plane tickets to Australia.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Great stuff this week. Enjoy!

Dishonorable Mention:
"Someone needs to get rid of the mean mockingbirds in Savannah that repeatedly attack cats and squirrels and also bombarded my behind when I bent over to plant annuals in my yard today."
- Birds are disgusting vermin.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I see where whistleblowers are getting half a million for turning in employers. I work for my dad and want to turn him in because he doesn't pay me enough and he overworks me. Who do I call to get paid?"
- Lowlife.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Don't leave kittens at dangerous intersections. Please call the Humane Society. I've rescued two."
- At my old apartment in Statesboro, we had this black and white stray cat that would always come around. I named him Derek Jeter. Derek Jeter loved Chinese food. I think Derek Jeter was a cannibal.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I picked up the New York Times bestseller 'Beach Road' by James Patterson at Publix. It is pure filth. I asked the store manager to please remove this filth from the store counters."
- Good job wasting the manager’s time. I’m sure he had nothing better to do at that moment than listen to your asinine complaint about a book no one else is ever going to pick up in that store.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Watching the Republican debate is like taking a sleeping pill. I know you won't print this in your Republican newspaper."
- I’m sure you felt this way because the candidates in the debate discussed boring things like facts.

Second Runner-up:
"A group of 96 men and their wives visited Savannah recently. They arrived from 19 states to see one another for the first time in 45 years. They had secured reservations for their group at The Lady and Sons restaurant. They weren't seated at the same time and were taken in groups of 10 to 15. They were extremely disappointed. Two tears for Paula's hospitality."
- It is impossible to seat a party that size all together. Furthermore, you chose to take your group to one of the smallest and most crowded places in the City. You should have just gone to Carey Hilliard’s or Johnny Harris. Both have big dining rooms and the food is better. Sorry, Paula, it’s true.

First Runner-up:
"I don't believe a $2.2 million gold dome is going to improve the quality of life. You could use that for a $1 million animal shelter and a $1 million budget to provide adequate staffing."
- So instead of redoing the gold roof of City Hall, you’re suggesting we build a million dollar animal shelter and use the remaining million dollars to staff it? Sweetheart, you were MADE for a government office.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Thanks to the media for letting me check in on Paris Hilton and see how that little darling is doing. We don't get a two-bit tramp like that in jail everyday, so it is good to be able to keep up with her."
- Ok. We get it. You’re bashing Paris Hilton. What a fresh and exciting point of view. Seriously, give it a rest. I’m glad she’s back in jail and dropped her appeal not because I dislike her, I don’t; I’m glad because she’ll get a big dose of reality that will hopefully turn her into less of a robot. Plus, who uses the phrase “two-bit” anymore? Does any one know how much two bits is?

Happy Friday, folks!

Loose Lips Spoil Shows

I want to take this time apologize to one of our loyal readers: Last week, I spoiled the Dawson's Creek Finale. I was called on it, and through a misunderstanding, revealed even more details.

I did that in response to your initial comment in which I honestly thought you were kidding. The show has been over for years and is rarely seen on television anymore. I assumed that everyone who cared to find out what happened to our friends in Capeside had already seen or heard.

Alas, we live in a technological age where one can find any show on DVD. Had I known you were in the process of watching the episodes on DVD, I would never have deprived you same joy I felt when I watched those shows for the first time, not knowing what will happen next.

Chuck Klosterman outlined a similar dilemma in Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs. He detailed in his book how he became addicted to The Real World: San Francisco. He began watching it months after in initially aired, but then he found out that Judd and the Asian chick got married after the show. At first he was mad, but then he realized he was ahead of the game when it came to the roommates. He got to spend the rest of the season deconstructing every conversation Judd and the Asian chick had because he knew they ended up together. It gave him a feeling of power and control.

Anyway, I'm sorry for spoiling the ending of the Creek. That was never my intention.

Sincerely,
Joe

Rudy? Rudy? Rudy?

Except for his stance on abortion and health care, Rudy is at least saying some of the right things. But I guess they all are at this stage. Some quotes from a speech yesterday:

"You face bullies and tyrants and terrorists with strength, not weakness."

"A lot of what the Democrats are doing is like looking in the rearview mirror. They want to take the country back to where it was in the 1990s," he said.

I think Fred needs to get his ass in gear.

Someday My Princess Will Come

Restless anticipation, joyful trepidation, and palpable excitement overwhelm the soul as I read these enchanting words.

The Sopranos (BEWARE: SPOILER)

Did anyone else watch the finale last night?

I was furious. Granted, I've only really started watching the last couple season, but the ending still sucked. The big feud between the families was pretty much settled, Phil's dead, so who came through the door? Feds? Hitmen? Meadow? Who?!

The Sopranos has been on for what, eight years now? HBO owes us an answer. I would have never expected such a flaccid finale to such a good show. And think about this, the series finale of Dawson's Creek had just as many deaths as last night's finale of The Sopranos: one apiece.

That's pretty damn sorry. I guess we'll find out in the movie.

Vox Gems/SPEAKOUT Remix: Paris Hilton Edition

I decided to mix it up a little this week. As you all know, Paris got out of jail after only serving three days and will now serve 40 days under house arrest. Personally, I wanted her to stick it out for the full sentence in the slammer. Not just for the whole Caged Heat thing, but I also wanted her to prove she wasn't just this little princess and that she could handle something difficult in life. Anyway, there is a SPEAKOUT section on FoxNews and I’ve mixed some real winners from that with my normal Gems material. Enjoy!

Almost not worth mentioning:
"I miss 9 Chickweed Lane."
- Vox Populi contributors love the really unfunny, obscure comic strips.

Dishonorable Mention:
"What kind of justice is it to be confined to your mansion for 40 days? If I break the law, can I be confined to her mansion? This shows there is truly one set of laws for the rich and another set for those who are not! Our justice system is a joke!!!" — D.
- This is the sentiment a lot of people are expressing and it's total crap. No one would stay in jail if they thought they had the option to leave; I don't care how righteous you are. I've been in jail and it sucks. Hypocrites. All of you.

Gas-Price Double-Whammy:
"Shame on all the greedy oil companies over the holiday. Greedy, greedy, greedy."
"I read where most people think paying $2 to $3 a gallon for gas is acceptable. What is wrong with them? We should be paying 50 cents a gallon. The rest of the world owes us."
- Both of you: knock it off.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Michael Vick is the reason I have quit supporting the Atlanta Falcons. He needs to be kicked out of the sport along with any of his cronies who fight with dogs."
- Fight with dogs? That would be more acceptable than the trash ritual that is dog fighting. I’d love to see Mike Vick fight with a dog… and lose.

Longest Dishonorable Mention EVER:
"This is another fine example of another celebrity not having to pay their 'debt' to society. I'm surprised she did the 3 days and apparently that means 5 in Hollywood terms. Years ago something like this would hurt a celebrity. Today it will definitely enhance her career. I see a book deal coming and possibly a movie on this whole 'ordeal.' The sad thing about this is that there are kids out there who actually like her and may now think it's ok to get in trouble and will not have to pay a high price for it because she obviously didn't have to. Being confined to your home for 40 days wearing a tracking device (in gold too I'm sure) doesn't constitute doing hard time. I do hope Paris learns from this mistake and will behave herself. At least in public anyway." — D.
- D., shut up. You already made the Gems once, now, you’re on here again. Do you have to be so long winded? You could have just said, “She’s a role model for kids,” but no, you had to write us a thesis. Shut up.

First Runner-up:
"The parents of the Little League team who threw ice on our teenaged volunteer coach were an embarrassment to your team, our league and our community as a whole."
- Are you kidding me? That’s what happens when the team wins the big game, they throw ice water or Gatorade on the coach. Was your son the volunteer coach? If your son doesn’t like the “Gatorade Shower”, then he’s a loser who’s happy to continue being a loser.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Paris Hilton must have been playing the game Monopoly entertaining herself while doing her jail time. How lucky for her to draw the GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD." — Janet (Oakhurst, CA)
- I really hope I never meet this Janet from Oakhurst, CA. I’ll bet she laughs really hard at her own jokes.

Happy Friday, folks.

Bombs Away

Witness this piece of comedic gold from this weekend as the Braves' AA team manager has a meltdown of incredible proportions. There are two particular moves here that should be awarded for their originality and hilarity. Well worth your two minutes.



Also, I had a really long, detailed dream that TC died. It was intense.

Choices, Choices

So I jumped the gun when I endorsed this guy...



...because I had no idea we'd see a bid from this guy...



...but now, to avoid repeating the same mistake twice, I still want to wait 'til October when we'll hear something from this guy...



...before making a final decision on who to endorse, which will ultimately depend on who is the most like this guy...



Either way, the field just got a whole hell of a lot better, and that's all that matters for now.

Scum.

This ambulance chasing personal injury lawyer maybe be fighting a few cases from the other side in the very near future.

Friends, meet Andrew Speaker. Andrew has been identified by the media as the Outbreak monkey in this whole tuberculosis ordeal. I’m sure you’re all aware of how he flew on two transatlantic fights as well as several other flights around Europe after being told not to fly by physicians and the Center for Disease Control.

"Hey, I don't care what Dr. Whoever says, I've got this sweet trip to go on."

He’s recently apologized to everyone and stated that he never meant to harm anyone through his travels. That’s great because apologies cure tuberculosis. Not meaning to infect people with an awful, fatal disease will prevent them from getting it.

I hope nobody was infected with TB through this guy’s selfishness, but if so, I hope they sue this rat bastard. Oh, sweet irony. What a piece of garbage. This guy probably farts on elevators and cusses around kids. Selfish trash.

Also, this young man is an alumnus of a certain university in Athens, GA.
GooooOOOOO TUBERCULOSIS! INFECT ‘EM! COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!

The Miss Beach Music & Boat Shoes Pageant

Fellas,
All this banter over the pole vaulter girl has given me an idea. Similar to the Man of the Year honors we award in January, I am hereby starting the innaugural Miss Beach Music and Boat Shoes Pageant.

It will be the same format: everyone will submit a nominee by Friday, June 8th. Pat, we'll need another poll. Voting will begin Monday, June 11th and continue until we announce the winner on July 3rd.

Nominate the lady who you think best exemplfies the ideals we hold true. Happy hunting.

The Announcement of The Announcement

Pat, is there any way you could put our new girl's picture permanently on the side, like the Defeat Hillary thing? I would really appreciate it.

And am I really the first person on this blog to acknowledge Fred Thompson's announcement...of a later announcement of his formal entry into the Presidential race? Pretty sad, since I don't even know anything about him besides the fact that you guys like him.

It's Time

America

Monster Pig and PETA

As a follow up to the 1000 pound pig post, and all alliteration aside, check out the negative emails the kid and his dad have recieved from hippie-nutjobs.

The Alternative to Eating Your Wheaties....

This could potentially be the funniest serious headline that I have seen, outside of Leno, of course.

Soccer Mom From Hell

Cindy Sheehan recently announced that she is giving up on being the face of the anti-war movement here in the U.S.
On the liberal e-rag DailyKos.com, Sheehan wrote some gems. Get aggravated:
"Casey did indeed die for nothing. His precious lifeblood drained out in a country far away from his family who loves him, killed by his own country which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think."
"However, in five, ten, or fifteen years, our troops will come limping home in another abject defeat and ten or twenty years from then, our children’s children will be seeing their loved ones die for no reason, because their grandparents also bought into this corrupt system."
"I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old US of A."
And in summation, "Good-bye America ...you are not the country that I love and I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can’t make you be that country."

Does anyone really believe that this woman did not have a deep-seeded hatred for this country before her son died in Iraq? Does anyone really believe that she wants the U.S. to succeed, or that she wants her son's sacrifice to be justified? This ices it for me - this despicable woman used her son's death to advance her own leftist agenda.

These comments are made by a woman whole-heartedly embraced by the left in this country. When they give up on trying to win politically, they let their true sentiments come to the surface.

The left does not want America to succeed. It will not give America a chance to succeed. It does not want democracy or capitalism to succeed. It detests everything that America stands for.

The left hates America.

"I'll probably never kill anything else that big."

Has anyone else seen this? An 11 year-old in Delta, Alabama recently killed this 1,050+ pound wild boar on a hunting reserve. He killed the hog with a .50 caliber revolver, shooting it 8 times before finishing it off with a close range shot to the head.

The hippies can say what they want about hunting, but this took some balls. Boars are mean anyway, now picture one the size of a Honda charging at you while your only defense is a pistol, albeit a big one.

The animal's head is currently being mounted by a taxidermist, while they expect to get 500-700 pounds of sausage out of the rest.

"It's a great accomplishment," said the boy, "I'll probably never kill anything else that big."

Nice shootin', kid.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

It’s been over a week since the last post and that’s pretty damn sorry. Just because it’s summer doesn’t mean we don’t have work to do. Now you can go and shag Suzie in the sand dunes, but you’d better be careful. Enjoy the Gems, ya bums!

Dishonorable Mention
"It is way past time to make safer on and off ramps for I-16. Other states do it."
- How hard is it to get on and off an interstate? I-16 literally goes hundreds of miles with maybe 5 turns. Learn to drive.

Dishonorable Mention
"Please bring Dilbert back on Sunday."
- I’ve been working in the “corporate” world for over a year now and you know what? Dilbert still isn’t funny.

Double-Whammy:
"I work at Z102, and I guarantee we do not play the same song 13 times in eight hours. They can call and give an example. I'd like to see it."
"LOVE 101.1 is another radio station that plays the same songs over and over again. I've switched over to Magic 103.9."
- Radio, you are obsolete. You play hours upon hours of commercials interspersed with 8 or 9 different songs played over and over throughout any given day. Give up the ghost.

Dishonorable Mention:
"It seems we are losing our freedom. Gas prices and utilities are high and now the post office is charging more. This is getting to be ridiculous."
- You want the short and simple answer? It’s all the government’s fault. Stamp prices went up because the government figured it was a good way to make a few extra bucks by tightening its grip on the throat of the American public. “Two more cents? It’ll make us BILLIONS!” Don’t even get me started on gas prices. What most people fail to realize is that when a gallon of gas is sold, the good ol’ government is getting the biggest slice of the pie. Believe it. It’s true.

Runner-up:
"It is a shame Dr. Lockamy will not let high school seniors who did not pass all the GHSGT tests to march with fellow seniors. I hope the board members remember that they are in an elected position."
- I hadn’t heard of this, but I applaud Dr. Lockamy’s decision. We currently have a public school system that will not allow students to fail. Allowing the unqualified students to march in graduation would have cheapened and diminished the accomplishment of those who actually put in the work to graduate. Also, let’s be honest here, anyone with even minimal intelligence can graduate from high school.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Sand Gnats, you may have lousy concessions, hard seats and dilapidated restrooms, but you have a very cool scoreboard. I just wish your team could play baseball."
- Do you honestly think the conditions are any better up at Shea Stadium? New York City is disgusting. Besides, I don’t know when you moved to Savannah, but I guarantee it wasn’t at a time when the Sand Gnats were actually good. They’ve always been lousy. Now shut up and enjoy your cheap beer.

Happy Friday, folks.

On a similar note...

I wear 14's, so it's pretty tough for me to find acceptable shoes. I found these Sperry's at DSW the other day, $50. I could not pull the trigger. Any opinions on them?

New Kicks

The Sperry Bahama: canvas comfort that's cool as an ocean breezeI ordered these babies online and they just came in today. I got them in white, just like the picture.

New Kelly CD Due Out In July

Kelly Clarkson recently announced that the release date of her latest studio album, "My December," will be July 24. She's written every song on the album and has said it's darker and more personal, which is usually codeword for bad songs that aren't poppy. It's okay though, because I'm still very much in love with this chick. So what if she's a perfect 6 on the looks scale. I'd take her to commissioning if we were still in high school.

Capitalism in a Hollywood Film?!

I am pretty sure everyone on this blog would really like The Pursuit of Happyness (yes, it's purposely spelled that way). I've never seen such a beaming endorsement for the American Dream, capitalism, and determination to be successful in a mainstream movie before. Great, great movie.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

We had great stuff this week and a tight race at the top. Enjoy the Gems!

Dishonorable Mention:
"My child is a junior at Savannah Arts Academy. She has been flourishing since day one. The teachers and curriculum are stimulating and inspiring. In contrast to the caller's comment, the teachers I've met in the last three years have been very caring. I think it's a great school."
- “My child’s finger-paintings have shown marked improvement. He’s so unique and special. He wears mascara and cuts himself.”

Dishonorable Mention
"Gasoline dealers in Savannah do not deserve our patronage. The price of oil has dropped but the price of gas in Savannah hasn't dropped."
- Gasoline is not crude oil. The price may have gone down per barrel, but maybe it costs more to refine it now. But you go ahead and drive out of town to hurt “big oil.” While you’re at it, don’t come back.

Dishonorable Mention:
"What's with all the condos and motels downtown? When are y'all going to tear something down and build a super Wal-Mart in the historic district?"
- I’m pretty sure this guy’s kidding, but that would set the stage for an epic battle: Wal-Mart vs. the Savannah Historical Society. The Historical Society would put up a good fight, but my money’s on Wal-Mart. Sad but true. Think about it like this: you own a large piece of property in the Historic District. The property is already valuable, but now you’ve got Wal-Mart knocking on your door wanting to buy. Everyone knows Wal-Mart can afford any price you give. Who wouldn’t sell? Sure, people may say that you sold your soul, but you can afford to buy a new one.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I'm happy that drug traffickers are being caught and more need to be apprehended. I have no use for drug dealers because my son is addicted to heroin."
- How is your drug-addict son going to get his fix if you lock up all the drug dealers? That seems pretty selfish if you ask me.

Dishonorable Mention
"The comment about the golf story had nothing to do with class envy and was directed at the newspaper who deemed it more important than the flood by putting it at the top of the front page in a larger type. It was a sports story and belonged on the sports page. Rich people can play their useless sport all they like. Let's just keep news about it where it belongs, on the sports page."
- If that flood had been in Savannah, it would have been on the front page. But it wasn’t in Savannah; it was up in Yankeeville. Don’t rip on golf just because you suck at it.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Food prices look as if they have increased. It looks like the grocery stores are joining gas stations in socking it to us and piling it on."
- These are natural price fluctuations. These things happen. When people call in and make comments like these, I hope and pray that they don’t vote or have children.

Second Runner-up:
"Those slot machines in the convenience stores are cheating people out of their money. There was a fight just last week. Someday, someone could be killed over those machines."
- God willing. Look, if you’re dumb enough to keep feeding money into an unregulated slot machine in a convenience store, you deserve to lose your money.

First Runner-up:
"I am so tired of rude, arrogant and selfish pedestrians deliberately stepping in front of my vehicle when I have the right of way."
- “I have the right of way. Do not dare to impede me or infringe on MY right of way. I have places to go and I don’t think it is too much to ask to be able to drive my automobile to those places without people slowing me down.”
If this person is talking about downtown, then there is nothing to justify his/her existence on this Earth. You’re sitting down in a car with air conditioning. If it’s hot out and I’m walking somewhere downtown, unless it’s Drayton, Whitaker or Bay, I’m going to cross the street when I see a gap. No one should drive downtown during the day anyway. Just walk.

And your Gem of the Week:
"I can't believe Time magazine would have left the president of the U.S. out of its 100 most influential people issue but put Osama Bin Laden in."
- Time Magazine is a total fraud.
“Oh, we’re so progressive and free-thinking that we’re going to put the most evil man on the planet on our magazine. We’re so smart. We think WAY outside the box.”
They do things like this to sell magazines. This is the same magazine that made Adolf Hitler their Man of the Year. And remember last year? They put a mirror on the cover so that everyone could be “Person of the Year.” What a joke. Herbert the Pervert could have picked up that magazine on accident while reaching for the new issue of Teen Vogue. Was he “Person of the Year” too?

Happy Friday, folks!

Energy Expertise

It's May, and you know what that means: it's that time of year when greed among oil executives is at an all-time high.

There's a new article up on CNN.com entitled "6 Ways to Lower Gas Prices." One is to pass a law requiring oil companies to "make more gas." The article cites one energy "expert," Judy Dugan, who asserts that oil companies "know very well they can make more money by making less gasoline." She then goes on to say that since gasoline is a commodity "essential for the public well being," government has a reponsibility to "require refiners to operate at a certain capacity."

There are so many flaws in the above 2 statements it's hard to know where to begin.

The central thrust of Dugan's first argument, that companies can and will make more money by making less of something, is more than just a policy statement on one issue - it's a complete indictment of the free enterprise system. So if her assertion is correct, then we have far bigger problems to worry about than just current high gas prices. What about food? Housing? Clothes? We better watch out: home builders, grocery stores, and factories everywhere might stop producing their goods and services so they can raise their prices and "make more money."

It is astonishing that a supposedly respected media source like CNN would cite as an expert someone who lacks even a grammer school-level understanding of economics, but they do, and they make no attempt to counter it by providing an alternative viewpoint from someone who actually does understand supply and demand.

The reality is that firms will always do what is profitable: which means they will make as much of something as they possibly can until the price of that product no longer exceeds its cost of production. This is true with everything: oil, newspapers, prostitutes, lampshades, X Boxes, miniature dachshunds, Honda Accords, you name it (the only exception being those unique products where the price is clearly "prestige-driven" like Lacoste shirts, Masters tickets, etc., but that situation is extremely rare and certainly doesn't apply to oil).

It doesn't take an idiot to realize anyone who can produce a barrel of oil right now will make a killing. No one in their right mind over at Exxon or BP would want to even consider cutting production right now when there is so much money to be made from increasing it, which is what they continue to do.

This is why prices and profit margins serve such a crucial funtion: they direct resources to society's most immediate needs and then tell entrepreneurs what to produce, how to produce it, and how much of it to produce. We sure as hell don't need federal laws to replace a system that's already working.

Second Night of Rioting in France

In the wake of Sarkozy's sweeping election victory on Sunday (which saw the highest level of voter participation in 40 years), socialist supporters took to the streets to protest the results. There has already been widespread property damage; some 800 cars have been destroyed be fire.

So here are my questions: What's "progressive" about setting other people's cars on fire? What's so "enlightening" about causing widespread property damage and having no respect for the rule of law and private property rights?

Let's flip the script: suppose the conservatives were the ones who'd lost this election. Would we be seeing these same types of protests from them?

Yankee Doodoo

The Yankees pitching staff was pretty much in the gutter until yesterday afternoon when Roger Clemens made a cute little announcement at Yankee Stadium that ol' George had signed him back on the team. Deadspin.com said it best when they said Clemens "is the master of playing the prettiest girl at the prom." The pro-rated contract is worth $28 million. I just saw on Deadspin where someone calculated that Clemens will make approximately $8,888 per pitch this year.

This whole thing speaks for itself, reiterating why the Yankees should be impossible to root for. I'm just glad that we get to root for the classiest team in baseball whose majority of players actually grew up in Georgia being Braves fans and came through our farm system. Actual Braves. Is there such thing as a real Yankee other than Jeter?

What's the deal with Blogger cutting out the double space we put after every sentence-ending punctuation?


Madness? This is a wet floor! (from CollegeHumor)

All Eyes on France

Tomorrow, the French will go to the polls and make a crucial decision for the future of their country. Nicolas Sarkozy, the conservative candidate, is running against Segolene Royal, the Socialist Party candidate, for President. Most French elections over the last 40 years have dealt with who can make the State and its welfare system work better. This one is unique in that Sarkozy is the first real candidate to call for a departure from the welfare state. He believes the French economy must be liberated from the bureaucratic clutches of State control and the "Eurosclerosis" that has infected its people. He's a staunch supporter of America and Bush, something unheard of in Europe these days, and even more shocking is the fact that the polls show he actually has a chance of winning.

My gut reaction here is that I obviously want Sarkozy to win. I want the French to have those same opportunities afforded by the type of thriving, vibrant, individualist economy that America has had since the early 1980's. A rising tide lifts all boats, and there's no reason why anyone should be deprived of being able to work more than 35 hours per week if they so choose. There's no reason why a small business owner should be deprived of the right to fire a lazy, inefficient worker to make his enterprise more productive. There's no reason why everyone should be forced to rely on the State for their material and social well-being. There's simply no reason why the French and all other victims of Eurosclerosis shouldn't be allowed to thrive and prosper like the rest of the free world has been doing for the last 25 years.

But at the same time, I'm not sure Sarkozy would have a mandate to govern, because the pendulum has not completely swung in France yet. The vast majority of citizens there still support the entitlements and regulations that are in place today. Most voters still say in poll after poll that they think the State should play a central role in people's economic well-being, most say that the American and British economic models support greed and should not be emulated, most still believe that collectivism is the way to go. For these reasons, I think it may make more since for Royal to prevail. Let the French be wrong, as they have every right to be. Let them suffer from more unemployment, protectionism and heavy-handed government control. Let them endure more labor riots that bring the economy to a virtual stand-still every summer.

My point is that, in order for free enterprise to thrive in France, there must first be a catharsis reached among the people: the same kind of catharsis that America reached under Carter in the late 70s and that Britain reached under the Labour government during the winter of discontent in 1979. The success of Sarkozy's candidacy over the last half-year shows that maybe such a catharsis has already been reached to some extent, but the polls show that France still has along way to go before it unhesitatingly opens its arms to capitalism.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

Late edition today. Enjoy!

Dishonorable Mention:
"I enjoy ordering gadgets from television but the shipping and handling is too much."
- Are you kidding me? This was your call in? Get a life.

Dishonorable Mention:
"The billions of dollars used for Iraq could be greatly used here. We have people who are starving on the street, cannot afford healthcare, cannot provide for their children and we send billions of dollars to a country we literally destroyed. How in the world is this justice?"
- Let’s just let terrorists keep killing people because that’s what would happen if we hadn’t gone to fight in Iraq. Also, our homeless have it pretty nice. Unless you are stranded in the desert, it is damn near impossible to starve to death in America. Wake up and get a job.

Dishonorable Mention:
"Somehow, having Ted Kennedy instruct anyone on fair and ethical practices like the student loan problems seems hypocritical."
- I’d still rather hunt with Dick than ride with Ted.

Dishonorable Mention:
"I saw 'Guys and Dolls' at the Savannah Arts Academy. Everyone should see it. It was great."
- Nobody really likes theater. Theater is another one of those “sophisticated” art forms that people only claim to enjoy so they can appear to have class. You’re fooling no one.

Dishonorable Mention:
"If you are offended by articles about gay community events then please keep your sourpuss at home so the rest of us can go and have a good time."
- This bothers me. No one ever throws straight pride parades. I don’t go around celebrating and forcing my straightness on everyone around me. If I cared about your penchant for Tom-Feelery, I’d ask. Tone it down.

Dishonorable Mention:
"What will it take to make Country Day School stand up and face the consequences? The cheerleader scandal was brushed under a few years ago and now the 'bomb' business. Same headmaster. Sounds peculiar to me."
- Man, that cheerleader scandal was so hot. Rich girls gone wild.

Second Runner-up:
"Congratulations to the Johnson High School boys' soccer team. It was a well-deserved victory out of town, to beat the number one team in the state. Coach Bernard should be recognized for that. He has gone a long way for the kids."
- Wait. You mean a group of Johnson kids put down their bongs, guns and skateboards long enough to do something? I don’t believe it.

First Runner-up:
"Doesn't the state realize that by going in half with South Carolina instead of going against the Jasper County container pier that they will now only receive half the amount of money they already receive from the ships that will eventually go only to the Jasper pier? The pier will be half the distance up the river, and quicker transit equals more money for the shipping companies."
- Liberals are hardwired into thinking that making a profit means ripping people off. “This guy’s selling me this thing for more than he paid for it. He’s ripping me off!” That’s stupid. If I sold you something for exactly what I paid for it, I’d get nothing. I might as well have not bought the thing in the first place. Commerce dies when profits stop. If you don’t like commerce, move to Venezuela and starve to death like the Soviets.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Cable is a prime example of capitalism run amuck."
- I disagree. There is so much GOVERNMENT red tape with negotiations and whatnot with the cable companies, Comcast basically enjoys a monopoly in this city. This is why they can get away with a lousy product, DEPLORABLE customer service, and ridiculous prices. They get away with it because there is no competition. Right now, it’s Comcast or no cable. If government would loosen its grip on the throat of the cable market, we might be able to choose another company that actually cares about its customers. It is DIABOLICAL how Comcast treats their customers.

Happy Friday, folks.

Dissecting Rap Songs, Vol. 1

I've noticed that popular rap songs from the past two or so years have gotten increasingly vague. This is smart on the rappers' part, because the lyrics could apply to anything, so anyone who likes rap can relate no matter what. I don't feel like searching for any billboard list at the moment, but here are two to start us off.

"Make It Rain" - by Fat Joe
The chorus of this hot joint goes, "I make it rain on dem hoes, I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on dem hoes." Okay, I know rappers seem to have a lot of money, but I'm not sure if they can control the weather yet. Hmm. It could be a graphic metaphor for something you'd see a man do to a woman in a pornographic film.

Or it could actually be a veiled form of encouragement for young women to strive for a better life. See, Fat Joe feels really bad for prostitutes who walk the streets, putting their lives at risk every day and night. So he's praying that it rains really hard - I mean pours - so that the hoes (more properly hookers) are discouraged from standing in the rain and catching a cold. We all know that health insurance is hard to come by for a hooker. For this, I applaud Fat Joe.

"This is Why I'm Hot" - by Mims
This phat track has a chorus that bangs, "This is why I'm hot, This is why, This is why, This why I'm hot. I'm hot cuz I'm fly; you ain't cuz you not. This is why, This is why, This is why I'm hot." Kudos to Mims for really letting the listener interpret the meaning of his poetry.

So what does "this" refer to? Why would it make him hot? I'm putting myself in his brain, and I'm thinking that on the surface he wants us to gather that the song itself makes him hot, or cool, if you will. But how can a song in which you're saying the song itself causes the hotness in turn make you hot? It's like one of those snake symbols where the head is eating the tail. I know, confusing, right? So that can't be it.

Just spitballing here: he claims that he's hot because he is fly. Perhaps this is short for "flying," so it's hot while he's flying? Perhaps he has a fear of planes, and when he's forced to fly in one, his palms get sweaty. The part after this really throws me for a loop, however. "You ain't cuz you not." So, translated, "You are not, because you are not." That's slippery. He's correct, in that every time that I have heard this song, I have never been flying, but who is he to say I don't get hot when I fly? I just assume leave the double negatives to the Spanish language. Wait, maybe he's trying to bridge the English-speaking and Spanish-speaking cultures, and he's really making a statement on the current immigration situation in our country. Wow. That is brave.

Media Bias

Time Magazine is putting out a list of the top 100 most influential people in the world today. Some of the names included are:

• Osama Bin Ladin
• Hillary Clinton
• Barack Obama
• Nancy Pelosi

Above are obvious liberals. Below are some good, influential people appointed by President Bush:

• Condoleezza Rice
• John Roberts
• David Petraeus

But who was not influential enough to be on the list:

• President George W. Bush

And this is Time Magazine, not People Magazine, or MoveOn.org Magazine.

Barack O'Bama

Uh oh.

Daily Thought

Just a thought on Al Gore and other self-righteous people like that:

If you really care about the environment, wouldn't you want to change your energy-draining lifestyle and buy carbon offsets (more on these later)? Huh? You know, to actually leave the environment better than you found it? It seems completely phony to buy BS stock in some company just so that you can feel better about using 191K kilowatt/hours a month, Al.

This is why liberals fail as policy makers: they don't care if a policy works or not as long as it makes them feel better. This is the same reason that they trash the president on Iraq without offering a viable solution to the problem. Dissent is actually therapeutic for them, and that's good enough.

Game On, Vick

In case you haven't heard, a new development arose today regarding the dogfighting situation with our old friend Michael Vick. Basically, a website called Vick's K9 Kennels, which is owned by Vick's company and created by the same designer of Vick's personal website, lists the kennels as having the same postal address as the place where all those starved and injured dogs were found.

Please read this guy's blog, as it describes in great detail how Vick HAS to be screwed this time. This guy nails him. If somehow Vick gets out of this unpunished, I really won't know what to think of the Falcons, the NFL, or just society in general.

'08 Debate

At 8pm tonight, MSNBC is hosting a debate among the Republican presidential candidates. John McCain is also expected to show up.

Here's what to look for:

- Rudy will talk about how the U.S. must stay on offense in the War on Terror, and not return to a pre-9/11 mindset. The only problem is he'll show up at the podium dressed in full drag.

- Romney will eloquently toe the party line on everything, hoping no one asks him why he waited up until 18 months ago to adopt that party line.

- McCain, one of the few pro-war Democrats left, will leave after realizing this is the Republican debate.

Gotta love how things are shaping up! Can't wait til '08!

Stupid Hippies....

Unbelievable: The parents of a baby that died of starvation after being fed a vegan diet have been found guilty of malicemurder, felony murder and first degree cruelty to children.
Jade Sanders, 27, and Lamont Thomas, 31, will get an automatic life sentence for the death of their 6-week-old infant, Crown. After being fed a diet largely consisting of soy milk and apple juice, he weighed only 3 1/2 pounds when he died.
The Fulton County jury deliberated the case for about seven hours.
Prosecutors said it was a chilling case of murder by starvation, a painful and prolonged death. Attorneys representing Sanders and Thomas told jurors the first-time parents did the best they could while adhering to their vegan lifestyle. Vegans typically live free of animal products. "They're not vegans, they're baby killers," Fulton prosecutor Mike Carlson told the jury Tuesday during his closing arguments.
The couple's attorneys said they didn't realize their baby, born at home, was in danger until minutes before he died.
Notice that they named the baby "Crown". Sweet. I think I will name my baby "Dirt", because that is what mother earth is made of.

"So this is how Liberty dies..."

I am sure by now you have either heard of or recognize both of these bands pictured. On the left is My Chemical Romance and on the right is the Arctic Monkeys. Say what you will about the Arctic Monkeys' music (I have been on the fence for quite some time), but you have to give it to them for dressing fairly normal. How many guys in up and coming bands wear Lacoste shirts? Probably not too many because these bands like My Chemical Romance are trying to pass themselves off as edgy(Bill) and hip, but what they end up doing is looking like the Backstreet boys with black lipstick on. It's not fair that the kids coming up today are being fed crap like this. Our generation and our parents generation was lucky in the fact that we were told that guys like Eddie Vedder and Michael Stipe were cool and individualistic(which they were) while our parents were told the same thing about Lennon and Jagger. Those guys dressed how they wanted to dress and more importantly wrote lyrics and music the way that they wanted to and no other way. These icons gave us more than just music. They taught us to form our own beliefs and be stubborn about them. Do you think that My Chemical Romance would ever cross the record companies? I mean if you are a man you would never dress like those guys on the left. At some point you would have realize that wearing the exact same thing as your bandmates was probably not very good for your image or integrity. So, my point is that I would like to give it up to the Arctic Monkeys for doing it the way they want to because I promise you no record company would willingly let a band they signed go out in public looking like regular guys.

Outrageous

Read this article I stumbled across on a popular left wing site. It is a revealing and revolting look at moral relativism as espoused by the left.

"People (or rather, phonies) wax on about shades of gray, and life's many complexities -- but the fact of the matter is they need to get punched in the face. There are no shades of gray when it comes to pain -- that's why it's called a 'black' eye and not a 'shades of gray' eye. " -Greg Gutfeld.

Here's Why I'm Agitated This Week:

1. The ridiculous amount of time and money that the Zero Sum Democrats have wasted in a futile attempt to lose the war with one vote.

2. Probably, whoever takes over the PM job in Britain. Europeans are all about some isocialism (isolation-socialism. it works for me. that's all that matters). It is amazing that Tony Blair has lasted as long as he has. It is a testament to his character and moral fortitude.

3. The new liberal bible. Read this if you were not already convinced that liberals were cynical, God-less, group thinkers. I ruptured key blood vessels when I read this frustrating piece of crap.

4. Mark Redman: Sir Lobs-a-lot. I wonder how it feels to be solely responsible for half of the Braves losses thus far.

5. This picture from the Savannah Morning News:

This is awful, pure and simple. Country Day prom, probably.

6. And finally, the fact that ESPN has wasted months of my life talking about the NFL draft. If there is something to talk about, great, I'm game. But I don't care what kind of pen JaMarcus Russell uses.

Vox Populi: Gems of the Week

It’s my pleasure to bring the Gems back this week. Enjoy!

Dishonorable Mention:
"If legal U.S. citizens who happen to be parents commit crimes and are caught, what happens to their children?"
- The children are fed to whatever carnivorous wildlife is indigenous to the region. Down here in Georgia, they’re fed to alligators; up north, bears.

Dishonorable Mention:
"The city of Savannah should be ashamed. Our church held an Easter Walk in Forsyth Park on Sunday. It was like walking through a cow pasture. I thought people with dogs that use that park were supposed to clean up behind them. Shame, shame, shame."
- “Feel bad for me; I stepped in poo-poo. I like to say ‘shame’ a bunch of times to make people feel bad about things.”

Dishonorable Mention:
"I have blocked MySpace.com on my computer and do not allow my teenager on that site."
- I’ll bet you $20 your teenager knows how to get on MySpace, regardless of whether or not you blocked it. Kids know computers. Either that, or your teenager gets on at a friend’s house. You’ve stopped nothing. Now go be a good parent and actually EXPLAIN the dangers of a site like MySpace. Everyone knows MySpace is for weirdos and pedophiles anyway.

Dishonorable Mention
"Bacon Park golf course is the worst looking course in the state of Georgia."
- That’s because it’s run by the city. Not only has the course fallen into disrepair, but the staff is deplorable. I stopped by after work to hit a quick bucket at the range and they wouldn’t sell me a bucket because they didn’t turn the lights on at night at that particular time of year. The sun was still shining at this time. Bacon Park is a dump, but at least it’s cheap.

Dishonorable Mention:
"'Mother Nature Spares Legends' was your headline last week. With all of the people in the Northeast who were without power and have lost their homes and businesses to the storm, it's good to know a bunch of rich people could still enjoy their golf tournament."
- We don’t live in the Northeast. We’re smart enough not to live there, so we don’t have to deal with “nor’easters,” whatever the hell those are. God loves both golf and the city of Savannah.

Second Runner-up:
"The network pulled out early and the 'Dancing with the Stars' ending was cut off at almost every ABC station in the country. The host, Tom Bergeron, issued an apology and a recap of the ending on behalf of the network. This was aired on WJCL. So take your e-mails to the ABC network or maybe try calling the station next time for an explanation."
- We really throw the terms “star” and “celebrity” around way too loosely. With the exception or Clyde “The Glide,” I don’t know a single person on that show. I know there’s a girl with a fake leg. That’s about it. Oh, and I almost forgot: “…pulled out early…” Total cheap laugh.

First Runner-up:
"Thank you Rolling Thunder. Score a win for you and a loss for all those 'testosterone trucks' on Johnny Mercer, Islands Expressway and President Street. It was wonderful to see reason, sanity, and lawful driving return to the vicinity. We'd like you to stay longer than 90 days."
- What is a testosterone truck? And don’t thank Rolling Thunder for anything. So there’s been more police in town. That’s great, but can you tell me why there was a shooting AND a stabbing in one night not a block from City Hall? But hey, at least doughnut sales are through the roof. Also, to the cop that rode on my ass for 10 miles one day last week: shave your mustache; you look like a child molester.

And your Gem of the Week:
"Thank you to the city of Savannah for the pretty little boot they put on my car when I ran into the Federal building for about five minutes. They know they have parking problems and they're going to bear down on people like that?"
- This is your fault. You parked and didn’t pay. Dog the Parking Meter Attendant just gave you a heaping helping of justice. You probably double parked too. “Oh I’m in SUCH a hurry. I know I parked over the line, but it’ll just be a minute. Hold your horses!” I hate you.

Happy Friday, folks!

Still want to publicize healthcare?

In yet another semi-comical mistake at one of Ireland's publicly funded hospitals, a patient who was declared and certified dead was later found to be awake and alert when the morticians arrived to collect his remains. Apparently, he was suffering from the debilitating condition known as "sleep."

This is the same public healthcare system that shipped a dead English tourist back to England with someone else's organs stitched up inside. I sure hope this guy was actually dead before they removed his organs.

You can read the full story on FoxNews.com.

DOW 13,000

The Dow set yet another record today. And the unemployment rate remains at 4.4%. Ponder this for a moment. This means that of all the people who can work in this country, 95.6% have jobs. 95.6%. Seriously, think about that.

Hannity and others say that if it wasn't for Iraq, Bush's poll numbers would easily be in the high 60s right now (around where Clinton's were at this point in his 2nd term). But I don't necessarily agree with this, because I think the press would still find a way to downplay the current state of things (i.e., gas prices) and the administration, as usual, would fail to produce an effective response.

When we pick a candidate to run in the next election, we need someone who can communicate and sell the message effectively. This has by far been Bush's biggest weakness. In the 90s, every time the Dow broke new records, Clinton would go on TV, take credit for it, eloquently explain how great things currently were, and then take a few questions. The current president rarely does this, and even when he tries he just ends up stuttering a lot, which only serves as late-night John Stewart fodder.

Both Reagan and Clinton proved how important the power of the pulpit was. And the good news about the '08 GOP field is most of the contenders are effective speakers. Now if they can just find backbones.

Best Songs of the 90s - Addendum

I had a revelation today about this subject and felt like it was good enough to start a new post rather than adding a comment to the old one that no one would see. Every song that Pat listed was indeed well-written and memorable. Most importantly, though, every song was sung well, which is what really separates these songs from today's radio hits. Both eras have singers that fall into certain categories:

Mid 90s:
-Singers who have a technically and traditionally good voice: Adam Duritz, Darius Rucker, Ed from Live
-Good singers who had an edge to their voice, but still melodic: Scott Weiland, Eddie Vedder, Dave Grohl, Daniel Johns from Silverchair
-Singers who weren't traditional, but had distinctive voices that remained accessible: Billy Corgan, Billie Joe Armstrong, John Popper, Liam Gallagher

2000s:
-Bad singers who whine, are too high-pitched, and all sound the same: Panic at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, 30 Seconds to Mars, Linkin Park, many other faceless radio bands I've heard in passing.
-Singers who think they sound raw and sincere, but are undeniably corny: Nickelback, Hinder, Creed, Staind, Default, 3 Doors Down
-Guys who don't even sing, but just scream and grunt: Disturbed, Drowning Pool, etc.

Would the newer bands' songs sound any better if they had good singers? Probably not, but I thought it was worth noting. Anything to get the thought of cole slaw out of my mind.

Delicious...

You can find this at Manuel's Tavern on the corner of North Highland and North Ave. in Atlanta.

Not a Murderer

The feeling I have right now is betrayal. Confusion. This must be what it feels like to be sat down by the two people you've known as "Mom" and "Dad" your whole life and be told that you are not actually their child. But through the fog of anger, there is a beam of hope. Sure, I can wallow in resentment of the secret that has been unearthed, or I can make up for lost time the best I can.

In my mind, I am recounting the hundreds of times it happened. A road trip. A hungover Sunday. Or just one of those days where having Wendy's for the third time in one week doesn't have any appeal. And every time it started with these words: "Alright, I'm going to Chick-fil-A." Let's reach far back. I can remember the last time I had a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A. I was in second grade at Calvary, when all of the sudden I bit into one, and out came a tooth. So not only did that put a false notion in my head that eating their sandwiches would make me lose all my teeth, but it happened right around the same time that I had my first allergy test, wherein I learned that I am allergic to all nuts. I am informed that Chick-fil-A cooks all of its food in peanut oil, so that's where it ends.

I don't remember when it began, but somehow the waffle fries became a consolation prize for me. I never technically forgot that they too were cooked in peanut oil, but it just became convenient to ignore after I had no bad reaction after eating them. Stupid? I guess, but it's kind of like "forgetting" to wash your hands after going poo - it's just time to move on to something else, you know? Well, it hit me as I was driving that it's kind of strange that I can eat waffle fries with no consequences, yet it's cooked in peanut oil like everything else they have. I Googled the subject this morning, and there's a reason I've never had a reaction...

I can eat anything at Chick-fil-A. I can be a real person now. Turns out that when peanut oil is heated, it removes the protein from peanuts that causes the allergic reaction. I don't know where to begin. What should I order first? What isn't that great? Teach me to live.

Best Songs of the 90's

If there's one thing our generation will be remembered for it will probably be the terrible music we've had to endure for most of our lives.

The only real exceptions to this have been:

1) The 80's (Michael Jackson, Huey Lewis, Genesis, Tears for Fears, The Police, Wham, Culture Club, etc.), and

2) That short period in the mid 90's that peaked right around 6th grade (1994-1995). For whatever reason, you had lots of good bands from across the spectrum that were putting out good music. Rock music was actually cool to listen to and didn't involve excessive yelling, grunting, spiked hair, tattoos, goatees, and white trash. In short, rock music was something you'd hear on college campuses and on MTV, not in Strip Clubs or GoArmy.com commercials.

By late 7th grade, things started to turn sour (think No Doubt, the Goo Goo Dolls, and the Macarena), and I'm sorry to say that things still have yet to turn back around since.

So here's my top 15 songs from that 5th - 7th grade period, and they might as well be the best songs of the whole decade because it never got any better after this.

P.S. - There are clearly some strange bedfellows here. I'm sure if Silverchair knew they were being lumped in the same category as Hootie and the Blowfish they would collectively commit suicide, but I don't really care. It all felt the same to me at the time. Also, I thought this list up in about 10 minutes so I'm sure I've left some good stuff off, but hey too bad.

15. "Run Around" - Blues Traveler
14. "Self Esteem" - The Offspring
13. "Loser" - Beck
12. "Today" - Smashing Pumpkins
11. "I'll Stick Around" - Foo Fighters
10. "Tomorrow" - Silverchair
9. "Big Empty" - Stone Temple Pilots
8. "Basket Case" - Green Day
7. "Good" - Better than Ezra
6. "Interstate Love Song" - Stone Temple Pilots
5. "Mr. Jones" - Counting Crows
4. "When I Come Around" - Green Day
3. "Ants Marching" - Dave Matthews Band
2. "Let Her Cry" - Hootie and the Blowfish
1. "What's the Frequency Kenneth?" - REM

Honorable Mentions: "Better Man" - Pearl Jam, "1979" - Smashing Pumpkins, "Mmmm...mmmm...mmmm...mmmm" - Crash Test Dummies, anything off Live's Throwing Copper album.

Speaking of...

I just ran across this article on the Drudge Report. Apparently, Bill Clinton thinks that Al Gore will end up running for president before all is said and done.

I read a book by the brilliant political strategist Dick Morris a few years back (Power Plays). In it, he outlines 6 or so "plays" that world leaders throughout history have used to achieve political success. One of them involved owning an issue and standing on principle. He spent an entire chapter explaining that Al Gore lost the 2000 election because he allowed moderates to pull him off of his environmental high-horse. He said back then (2002, I think), that if Fat Albert ever regained ownership of the issue that originally thrust him into the national spotlight, he would emerge from the politcal wilderness. He has done that. Good call, Dick.

Here is how this will play out: Gore will hold out as long as possible, then he "will be forced" to run because no other candidates take the environment seriously enough. Like Mother Nature's Martyr, he will hesitantly throw his hat back into the ring. And, with the support of Hollywood and all the George Clooninites, he will make an interesting run of it. Clinton's negatives are too high, Obama's inexperience will lead to an implosion, Gore will be a contender, and Evan Bayh will hate his life for dropping out so early.

Ted Nugent Makes Sense!?!

Article written for CNN by the one and only Ted Nugent in response to the outcry for more gun control after the VT tragedy. Cat Scratch Fever indeed..

Harry Reid and "Low Carb" Food: The Enemies Amongst Us

First of all, I would like to thank Pat for the invite to join BMBS. It is an honor and a privilege and I will work zealously to advance our common causes.
Now, here is what is gnawing at my brain this week:

1. Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and the new Democratic oligarchy - one that has decided to conduct it's own foreign policy separate from the legitimately elected, constitutionally entitled Bush Administration. As though Squeaker Pelosi's self-appointed diplomatic mission to Syria was not enough (which ended in disaster, by the way), we now have Harry Reid proudly declaring defeat in Iraq.
This should surprise no one. The Democrats gave up on this war before it even began. As it stands now, the troop surge has only been halfway implemented. Let's see what happens and craft a meaningful strategy before we snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
The Left loves to compare Iraq to Vietnam. The only viable comparison between the two conflicts is their defeatist attitude. We can only lose this war if we allow ourselves to do so. By allowing Iraq to become an unstable haven for fundamentalists we would essentially be undermining the sacrfices of 3,000 of our finest. Thanks for speaking for us, Harry.

2. There is a new, revolting spin on the recent Low Carb diet craze. As though Al Gore's Oscar buzz, "carbon footprints", hybrid cars, and Earth Day aren't enough to make me lose my lunch, now my actual lunch might make me lose my lunch. There is a new movement among the green Left to reduce your Carbon "Food"print. That's right. This new "Low Carb" diet is not necessarily low in carbohydrates - it has a low "carbon footprint". The Greenie Weenies now want us to consider the amount of greenhouse gasses emitted by the production and distribution of various foods that we eat.

a) Upside: The new diet is largely centered around reducing transatlantic flights and so forth, which actually promotes domestically produced and distributed foods. Good for farmers and the American food industry.

b) Downside: It is exceptionally gay. And it has serious health implications. Imagine taking a date to Applebee's or some fine American dining establishment like that, and she asks the waitress which meal has the lowest carbon footprint. Not only would you immediately regurgitate your basket of onion peels, but you would quite literally suffocate in the ensuing cloud of Smug that drifts across the table.

That's enough for one day. I Democrat.

PS Harry Reid could learn something:
-To sit back hoping that someday, some way, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last - but eat you he will. Ronald Reagan

Welcome Chris Lane to BMBS

Finally a true original of the human race has joined our ranks at Beach Music and Boat Shoes. There have been other attempts in the past to get Chris Lane to join this blog, but none have stuck. When asked about these invites, Mr. Lane responded, "Was it in email? Because I signed in one day to my email and had 275 messages in my inbox. So I just deleted them all without looking." This, friends, is a nice analogy for Mr. Lane's approach to life and life's approach to him.

Usually this is where someone like Pat recites the member's accomplishments at BC and other notable details in the honoree's life, but I can barely recall which classes I took senior year, so I won't be doing that (feel free to try in the comments). What I do know is this: On what was supposed to be his last day at the Publix in Atlanta, Chris called in sick so he could go to a Braves game that night. Problem: Unaware that he was choosing to get blackout drunk at a baseball game, his co-workers had passed around a card to sign and had a cake made. Of course, someone caught him having a good old time on the TV broadcast that night and told everyone else.

Welcome, Chris.

____ is a Cool Guy

I was just over at a certain person's blog that covers a certain school's athletics, and I've gotta say - he's doing a damn fine job of keeping it up to date with good information. As I was reading the most recent post's comments (all "anonymous," of course) I realized that he may have a decently sized amount of alumni checking his site on a regular basis. And that's what it's all about. Keep up the good work, _____.

Also, you Savannah folks should be at Grayson Stadium tonight. Yeah, you were at Thirsty Thursday last night, but tonight actually has relevance to the sport you'll be watching. The opposing pitcher is Jon Lester, who had a great rookie season with the Red Sox last year. Unfortunately he had to be treated for cancer, but he's already making his way back. Need more reason to care? He was one of the guys John Schuerholz was trying to get in exchange for Andruw before the trade deadline last year.

Why This Blog is So Sparse

I know why production has slacked off on this blog:

I am miserable because I will never make more than $30,000 a year, and I never do anything.

Joe is miserable because he works at a bank and doesn't go to a keg party every night like he used to.

TC is miserable because he's in real estate. And he's married.

Pat is miserable because he's in law school and is still Pat Holland.

Stephen is miserable because he's no longer bogged down by school, so he doesn't get to play the martyr card anymore.

Will is miserable because he's 24 and has already gotten all he wants. Now it's just downhill from here.

Michael is miserable because he still takes college football too seriously, and Tech has lost to UGA six years in a row.

Tim is miserable because he's in med school and lives in Augusta.

Hypocrites

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton: You constantly lead the charge against racism and degradation. You incited the masses and demanded retribution for Don Imus for his admittedly rude and uncalled-for remark. Mr. Imus has subsequently been fired.

Will you now, you champions of civil liberty, swallow your pride and give the Duke lacrosse team their DESERVED apology for the witchhunt you perpetrated against them?

Tragedy

Most of ya'll know I normally don't cover dramatic, sensationalized current events (trials, murders, shootings) on here. I think there are plenty of newspaper and cable news websites that can do a far better job of that than I could ever hope to. Plus I do a piss-poor job of talking about emotional stuff as it is.

I bring today's tragic event up only because 1) it seems heartless to not stop and mention it apart from the inconsequential, day-to-day shenanigans that constitute this blog, and also because 2) it will without doubt negatively affect people's views of the Second Amendment and give rise to countless debates on whether or not the federal government should enact stricter gun laws.

I will certainly reserve the political stuff for a later date, because to discuss it now would seem brash and presumptuous: it is simply too early to talk about what exactly happened and how or why. So I bring this up for now because it demonstrates how, as (former) college students, everything else we squabble over (i.e. final exams, jobs, etc.) can instantly become meaningless when you realize your life and others can be taken so quickly and in the least likely of places.

Alright, I'm done with the emotional grandstanding, soapbox stuff.

Not cutting it.

Apparently, Mr. Nifong has apologized to the Duke lacrosse players he so furiously went after, with no evidence, and tried to send to prison for 50 years, just to make a strong bid for reelection. The players are having a hard time taking this, as would I.

I think the best possible ending to this story would be Nifong getting convicted of criminal wrongful prosecution, getting raped in prison, and having no one believe him.

The State of Music, R&B Edition: 1967 v. 2007

Peaked at #19 in May of '67.


Has held the #1 spot for the last 2 months.

Global Warming Quiz

I am copying this from Cafe Hayek:

Suppose we discovered that the earth was cooling rather than warming due to a natural cycle. Would you encourage people to drive more and use more carbon-based energy as a way of warming the earth?

You don't have to answer, but I'm curious what Al Gore would say.